Saturday, April 25, 2009


**DISCLAIMER** This blog is not your typical blog. It is very controversial, because it is about sex and masturbation. Yes, I know. Please cue the gasps and judgments. But please hear me out: This is a topic that is very hush-hush in the Christian community, which is a huge shame. Yes, there needs to be some discretion that goes with talking about this subject, but most people avoid it all together. I do not think this is a right way to handle it at all, which is why I am writing about it. I am taking my time writing this blog, because I want to be able to communicate things clearly and offend as few people as possible, but if at the end of this you are still offended, then I apologize. But this subject and the way that it is treated within Christian circles is something that I am really passionate about, and I really want to discuss what I have learned and what I believe on this topic. I am not claiming to be an authority on this, but I do desire to bring this topic into the open so that people can think on it and decide between themselves and God what is right. It is not directly talked about in Scripture, and therefore we do not know exactly what God believes about it. All we can do is bring the issues to the front and let people know what is going on in order to help them understand this matter.

Also, this blog is written with the assumption that other believers in Christ will read it, so it is directed toward the maturing Christian in their walk with God.

And let me say this: TALKING about sex is not a sin. If it causes someone to sin then it should not be talked about or the person should not be engaged in that situation. If sex is discussed in a Godly manner with God being at the focus and it is not discussed in a demeaning way, then there is nothing wrong with it. However, if the subject causes you to stumble, then I would suggest not reading this blog. Go back to facebook, myspace, or go check your email and forget about this blog.


All my life I have heard people say that sex is a good thing, but it is something that you should not experience or even desire before marriage. Now. I want to make myself clear right away and say that I believe that sexual intimacy with any other human being outside of marriage is adultery and lust, and therefore a sin. However. I will be completely honest in saying that I am a VERY sexually minded human being. If that offends anyone, I apologize, but I must be open and honest. So for me to hear that I should not desire sex before marriage is a very difficult thing for me, and for a long time it made me feel a huge sense of shame. Every time something would make me a little bit aroused, I would feel as though I were sinning (that is if I was not in the process of lusting) and therefore I would feel so shamed and guilty because of it. Growing up, I HATED the fact that I was so sexually oriented. I wanted nothing more than to stop feeling the way I felt, because even the littlest of things would get me going. I would pray fervently that God would take it away, and He would help me not to feel that way, because I felt as if I were going out of control and was falling deep into sin. He never took it away, so I began to feel more and more shame because of it.

This is the effect that many Christian speakers and teachers have had on me. And it has only been recently - and I admit to sin in the process - that I have come to realize that shame does not need to be felt for having the desire for sex.

God created sex. Sex is a GOOD thing. Have I ever experienced what it is like with another person? No, I have not. I am firmly committed to waiting till marriage, because I know that this is biblical. However, this is where the topic of masturbation comes in. Which, interestingly, is even more of a hush-hush subject than sex is. Sex is beginning to be talked about more within the Christian community, but masturbation remains very hidden. Even as I attend Moody Bible Institute, I walk around the campus and start building friendships with people just to see them acting as if they would never do something like that, and they are completely pure with no issues whatsoever.

My heart begins to hurt when I see this happening, because those who are really burdened by their struggles have nowhere to turn because they will feel judged and looked down upon for struggling with (*gasp*) sexual sin! This infuriates me. Why do we put such an emphasis on sexual sin and make it out to be worse than any other kind of sin? We judge those who have sex outside of marriage and those who masturbate regularly and think of them as horrible people when we as fellow believers lie, cheat, steal, and focus on other things instead of Christ. These things are JUST as bad as sexual sin! God does not rate sin. It is ALL abhorrent in his sight.

However, the question still remains of whether or not masturbation is a sin. I have been researching both sides, and I have come to the conclusion that we do not really know. I told you I was not going to be an authority on the subject. :) I think that this may be an area where one needs to choose between good, better, and best. Obviously we as Christians know that God wants the best, correct? We want to know that we are choosing the best path for our lives and that we are allowing God to direct our paths. Now. I have heard many arguments for and against masturbation:

"You're allowed to feel good before marriage."
"Masturbation is putting pleasure before God."
"It's not bad if you don't lust during masturbation."
"Masturbation can ruin your future marriage."
"If it feels good, it should be okay. Besides, you're not doing it with anyone else."
"It's a form of homosexuality."
"It's unhealthy to completely deprive yourself of sexual pleasure."

I have heard these arguments and more regarding this issue, and I understand both sides of the debate. However, I now stand by my position that I am to follow God's best for my life. What is God's best, exactly? While I cannot say for everyone what God's best may be for them, I believe that God does intensely desire for us to put Him first and put Him above any other desire that we may have, because He wants to be our fulfillment. Now let me be completely honest in saying that I tried desperately to find some kind of justification for masturbation so that I could say it was not a bad thing - in fact, I started this blog as an attempt to say that it is completely okay. However, through prayer and research, I have found little to say that masturbation is the best for my Christian walk. This is because when it takes place, it is telling God that He cannot fulfill my needs and take care of me. Only I can take care of myself.

Obviously because I am such a sexual person I long to one day be married and experience that with another person. However, I very often become impatient and want to already have that experience without thinking about the consequences. Do I know for certain if it will affect my marriage in the future? No. But obviously people who are already married have wisdom on this matter, and I think that it is important to seek Godly wisdom from those who are willing to give it. My question is though, why risk the possibility of my masturbation now damaging my marriage in the future? I do not think that the act is worth the risk.

Like I said before, I started this blog wanting to prove that masturbation is allowed and even healthy. However, as I dove deeper into the topic, I could not explain away all the evidence that though it may be permissible because it is not directly outlined in Scripture, it is not necessarily beneficial. The ESV translation of 1 Corinthians 6:12 says this: "All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful." I also like the NIV translation that says, "Everything is permissible for me, but not everything is beneficial." Though masturbation may technically be permissible because it is not directly talked about in Scripture, I now do not believe that it is helpful or beneficial to the Christian's lifestyle. Can a Christian still participate in ministry if they are struggling with masturbation and sexual sin? Yes. Our weaknesses do not exclude us from being part of ministry. However, this depends on the attitude of the one involved, and no one can know the attitude apart from the individual and God Himself.

The way I see it is that masturbation takes my own desires for pleasure and puts them above my faith in Jesus Christ. I am telling Him that He is not enough, and that I cannot wait for His timing to bring someone into my life to experience that with. Does that mean that I am not going to fall and I am not going to have an intensely strong desire occasionally or even often? No. Does it mean that I am going to judge others who believe that it is completely okay for Christians to engage in? Definitely not. I know that this is a gray area that not every believer believes the same about, and I am okay with that. I believe that committed Christians will take this matter to God and will be able to decide what is best.

Fellow believers, please remember this: we are not living for ourselves. We serve a Being that is higher than anything and anyone else, and He deserves everything from us. So decide between yourselves and God if participating in the action is living to please yourself or not. I do not have authority to say yes or no, but what I do know is that God has convicted me on numerous occasions recently by showing me that my actions indicate that I do not trust Him. And this includes other areas of life as well.

Christians, I will be vulnerable and open to you in saying that I have struggled with sexuality and sexual sin my entire life, and it is still part of my struggle today. I used to feel so condemned, judged, and shamed because of this. But we all have our different weaknesses and struggles in our journey to sanctification, and we need to be open and understanding to everyone's struggles, no matter what it is. The Church has become way too judgmental - myself definitely included. It is time that we stopped doing that and we became what we were meant to be, which is members of the same body, working together and taking care of one another. Let us not forget that, because it is of utmost importance.

I know that my admittance to struggling with this may come as a shock to some of you, but I have no desire to hide my weaknesses. I will boast in my weaknesses so that it may be evident to all that I have been changed and transformed by the grace of God working in my life, and I am not a servant of the flesh, but I am a servant of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. As I work toward holiness in my own journey of sanctification, I long to encourage others who may be going through the same issues that I have gone through and am going through at the present time. None of us is perfect. NONE. However, there are way too many Christians out there who put on a front that says that they have everything together and they do not struggle with any sins. This is a heartbreaking attitude that must change. Therefore, let us strive to build up the body of Christ by being open and vulnerable to one another and rather than rejecting those who struggle, let us accept them with loving arms and encourage them as they strive for holiness just as much as we do.


  1. Wow. This was very honest, and open, and convicting. Thank you for sharing your weakness. I really believe God will use this blog, and you for his purposes. I love you, sister.

  2. You're right! I am very interested in this blog. :P I agree masturbation is absolutely shied away from in the Christian circles. I had a dear friend who shed some wisdom on the subject for me: "Masturbation cannot be successful unless a subject is being used as the focus and desire driving our masturbation (the target source of the arousal) and because we cannot masturbate without lusting then then direct result of masturbation is sin. This is the stance that I have likewise taken. I do understand the divisiveness that the subject brings and am so pleased with the ability for YOU as a fellow woman Christian to step up and say SOMETHING to the world about this subject!! :D I love you dearly.

  3. I'm going to say the same thing here that I had said on your Facebook. This is a very honest, interesting, well-thought-out blog entry. It's something that so many teens, young adults, and even older adults are struggling with. Keeping quiet about it, about the Scriptural reasons for or against it, is just going to create more confusion.

    Kudos to you for looking at God's view of this and listening to what He's said to you, not just what people tell you.

    And I very much appreciate you being so open about this. More people need to step up and address this topic, because not enough people are, and those who are confused then only have the world's response. No wonder there's such an issue with sexual sin in the youth of the church... no one in the church wants to address it honestly and with compassion for those who are struggling in these areas.

  4. I think that there is an added level of brevity and seriousness that is placed upon sexual sin over many other types of sin. To quote 1 Corinthians,
    "Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body."

    The argument I go to on this subject is the same one that Paige said. I've heard people claim that they can reach orgasm without any sort of fantasy or mental image or anything. I don't think this is actually the case though, because it definitely has never worked for me and also, years ago, I saw an episode of "Talk Sex with Sue Johanson" that seems relevant. On the show, Sue actually cited a scientific study conducted which showed that men and women MUST have some sort of mental, visual, or audio stimulation to reach orgasm while masturbating. She's a registered nurse and, clearly, is better read on the subject than most people so I believe her.

  5. Face it, no one is going to be masturbating while thinking about tractors or ceiling tiles... and if they are, there is something really, really screwed up. It's lust every time, all the time. Jesus says that is committing adultery in our hearts.

    Paul says in the first part of Eph. 5 there shouldn't even be a HINT of sexual immorality among the church, sexual immorality, porneia in the Greek, is like the junk drawer because God knew if he made a list some pervert would come along and find something that wasn't listed.. It includes, but is not limited to, illicit sexual intercourse, adultery, fornication, homosexuality, lesbianism, intercourse with animals, etc...

    Masturbation is idolatry... Paul used to criticize the Corinthians for making their stomachs their gods, but as Mark Driscoll rightfully puts it, "our gods have moved just a little bit south." Probably, because it's easier and quicker to look at naked people on the internet than to open the fridge door (opening the fridge door would require standing up).

  6. I'm sorry, I didn't clarify the part about this in marriage... I do think it's perfectly acceptable in marriage via. Song of Solomon... It should create unity between a man and a woman. Outside of marriage, if you can do it while not being overtaken in lust or pornagraphy or immoral images in your mind, go for it... But who are we kidding?

  7. Thanks for your brutal honesty. I do truly believe that God will honor you for your honesty and confession.

    And your right we need to be more open with it- thats why so many people fall in the race, because its not talked about and swept under the carpet.

    I long for true community, a place of friendship, a brotherhood(and sisterhood) where we can be entirely open about everything. And when we are at that place, that's when the kingdom will advance.

    Im with matt i think.


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