Sunday, April 12, 2009


This is a short story that I've been working on for a while now. It's a little graphic at parts, just to forewarn you all. Please let me know what you think.


She looked in the drawer, afraid of what she might find. This drawer held everything from her past. Everything. Movie tickets, pictures of friends, liquor labels, and gifts from a few of her ex-boyfriends. She knew she had to look at them. Everything. But why, God? Can't these things just stay in my past, where they belong?

I want you to see them, my love. And see how I have worked through everything.

She sighed, dropped to her knees, and gingerly opened the drawer. She cringed, as the first thing her eyes came upon was a dvd. Tears started rolling down her face as she remembered with disgust, the night they filmed it. She hadn't wanted to do it. She had told him that it was embarrassing, and humiliating. But he used the line, "If you loved me, you would do this." And so she crumbled and gave in to him. He filmed it all, and would not be satisfied until they had made it perfect. Two weeks later, he gave her the dvd. And now here it sat, swept under the rug. She never wanted to lay her eyes upon this wretched thing ever again. She shook her head as she remembered that fateful day, when he walked up to her and told her that they were finished. It was not a month after they had filmed this movie. She shuddered to think that he may still have his copy. She did not want to know whether or not he still watched it.

I have covered this, my love.

She began to cry. Tears of sorrow, shame, and regret. Unable to hide the pain any longer, she clutched her stomach and let the tears flow freely, uncontrollably. She began to cry aloud, wondering where God was in the most painful time of her life. Times filled with drunken nights, drug fixes, and unspeakable acts.

I was here, the whole time.

The hopelessness started to fill her again, as she remembered those days of complete and utter darkness. How did she ever survive? How did she continue on, without any real purpose or meaning in her life?

Then the tears settled. She began to think on her Savior, and the true hope that He brought her. She had found Him only months ago, at a conference that one of her "religious friends" had brought her to. The passion and the intensity that the praise times held moved her beyond anything she had ever experienced. These people really loved this "God", who had seemingly made no positive impact on her life in the past. Her parents were divorced, her stepfather abused her and her mother, and her older brother committed suicide when she was just eleven. She grew up hating God. She hated everything He stood for. His promises of life were empty. She saw nothing from Him. She looked at Christians with disdain, thinking that all of them grew up in perfect homes with no problems whatsoever.

And then she met Catie, who had a story similar to her own. Except it was worse, much worse. This girl grew up without ever knowing her father and seeing her mother with a new man every week. And every single one of these men abused her and treated her in a way that no one should ever be treated. Then one fateful day one of her mother's ex-boyfriends showed up at the house, gun in hand. He stormed in the house and headed straight for her mother. She covered her eyes as the shots were fired, then felt a surge of pain as the butt of the gun struck her head. The next thing she knew, she was on the floor, waking up hours later to see both her mother and the ex-boyfriend on the floor... dead.

When Catie told her this story, she was amazed at this woman's strength. She cried a few tears, but then a smile formed on her face and said, "I am just so glad that my mom was a Christian. I know I'll see her again. I have hope, Nikki. Immense hope that I will one day be reunited with my mother in heaven. Sure, I could get down on myself and think that I've lived such a hard life, but that's not what God would have me do. I'm standing here before you, healthy. That's enough for me to praise God for the rest of my life."

She just looked at Catie, stunned. She had then asked, "But God took your mother away from you. How could you ever forgive him for that?"

Catie shook her head and smiled. "He didn't take her away. Her ex-boyfriend took her away. I don't think that's the way that God wanted her to go, but he knew that through fallen humanity she would be gone before her time. But I don't blame God at all. God has a purpose through it all, even though I don't know what it is yet. Sure I was mad at Him for a while, but He didn't kill her. Her ex-boyfriend did."

Lying on the floor sorting through this memory, Nikki began to weep. She remembered that day so clearly, because it was the first time she met Him. She asked Catie to pray with her so she could have the same hope. Now she looked up from her prostrate position and saw it: the Bible Catie had given her when she became a believer. She rose and walked to her bedside table, and picked it up. Her tears hit the cover and she wiped them off with her sleeve. Sitting down on the edge of her bed, she opened to a page and read the words that were highlighted. She smiled and laughed when she read the words,

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free."

I have set you free, my love. You are free from your past. You are free from your sins. You no longer have to worry. I have covered them. I love you. You are My child. Rest, dear one.

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