Reading in Romans 10 today makes me think of just how long God waited for the Israelites to repent and come back to Him. It's not as if He didn't give them any chances - in fact, He gave them several. Though the Israelites constantly turned their backs on Him, He still stood there with His arms open, waiting for them to repent. And yet, He knew all along that they wouldn't. Why would God, who knows everything, still stand there waiting, even though He knows that His creation won't accept Him back?
Even in Romans, after Paul talks about the fact that the Gentiles are grafted into the vine and the Jews were cut out, in chapters 10 and 11 he talks about how God is going to accept a remnant of them back again, even though they did not want Him before.
It makes me think of my own life, and how I constantly turn away from the Lord in order to do my own thing. He wants me to live my life for Him and in a close relationship with Him, but all too often I tell Him, "I've got it covered. I can run my own life." And then, it's only when I've completely screwed everything up that I run back to Him, tail between my legs, saying, "You were right." It's not long, though, until I'm back on my feet and walking away from Him - and so the vicious cycle continues.
Why do I - why do we - do this? We all know that we do it all the time. I have yet to meet a person that doesn't try to take life into their own hands at least once in a while. I know that it's because of our sin nature and we want to be in control of our own lives, but you'd think that we would realize that the God of the freaking universe would know a little bit more than we do about what's good for us and what the right thing to do is. Are we really so selfish and stupid that we think we have any chance of knowing more than the God who created us, who has existed from eternity past? The God who formed us in our mother's womb and knows us better than we know ourselves? Stupid, stupid sheep.
All the time I read about the Israelites when they were in the desert with Moses, and I laugh about how often they turn their backs on the Lord. I see their stupidity in trying to make idols for themselves and trying to take charge of their circumstances - and then... I realize... That's me. I do the exact same thing as the Israelites. All. The. Time. It may not be on as big of a scale as them, but every single day - even subconsciously - I take matters into my own hands in order to make things go my way. And you'd think I'd realize after a while that it never works, but I don't.
I guess what I'm trying to say is - I'm really, really grateful that God is such a merciful and loving God. That even though He knows I'm going to walk away often, He still stands there with His arms open. Otherwise I'm sure I would've been obliterated ages ago. I don't take nearly enough time with Him as I should, I hardly pray to Him if I'm not asking for something, and I turn my back on Him constantly to do my own thing and feed my own sins.
I don't know why He loves me, but all I know is that He does, and He always will. I know that He has saved me, and that I will be able to live in eternity with Him. That my salvation has nothing to do with my own actions, but solely on Christ and His death and resurrection. And for that I am grateful.