Monday, January 31, 2011

Me, Me, Me: A New Vision.

The more I look at other people's lives and how they spend their time, the more I'm beginning to realize just how narcissistic I am, and I don't like it. I'm so selfish so much of the time, wanting exactly what I want when I want it, and not accepting anything else. Who have I become? Do I really need to have my way all the time? Am I not willing to compromise what I want just a little for the sake and benefit of those around me?

As I've looked back on my posts, I've realized how much the majority of them are about me, or about the things/people in my life. I think I want to start a new trend with my blog. I would love to start contemplating things that I'm learning in my life that are more general. For example, there are SO many things that I could talk about from my Biblical Theology of Suffering class (don't worry, classmates... no specifics will be used, just general information and inquiries about the subjects. I won't be breaking any rules). I'm also learning SO much in my Monster Literature class, and I'm sure by the middle of the semester I'll have so much to talk about. There's also chapel, church, and other people's lives to talk about.

I really want to make it my goal not to talk about myself in this blog. I really want to do what my title suggests: quietly muse on the things of life. I want to write prayers in this blog, put song lyrics up, Scripture, etc. I don't want to make it about me anymore.

And this is a challenge to all of you who are regular readers: If I start to make my blog more about me and I begin sounding narcissistic, please confront me on this. I don't want to be like that, but sometimes I'm blind to it.

So here's to a fresh start, and a new outlook on my blog and hopefully in life. Maybe being less self-focused here will help me be less self-focused.. *points*... out there.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Prayer for the Unbeliever.

My heart is heavy this morning. For the past 7 years I have been praying for someone in my life, that God would give him a startling encounter with Him, and that he would pass from darkness to light. My friendship with this person has ebbed and flowed over the years - in high school there were times when we were best friends, but then others when he would not want to speak to me. Through being in college, we were such good friends that I almost flew to Arizona (where he is attending college) to visit him. But now... we no longer talk. It breaks my heart to know that I have no idea where he is or what he is doing, but I do know that I still love him, and I still want to pray for him.

This man, Scott (his name has been changed), lives in the darkness. The scary part is however, that he does not know that he lives in the darkness. He truly believes he lives in the light, even though he lives the homosexual lifestyle, his life is his money, and he smokes, parties, and gets drunk every weekend. Because we no longer talk anymore, all I can do is pray for him.

Do you know how hard that is? Not knowing if my prayers are being answered, not knowing if they are making any difference at all... It's definitely a struggle for me. Sometimes I have trouble knowing that God is faithful and He will answer my prayers according to His will. All I want is for Scott to come to know the Lord. Unlike a lot of Christians, my first prayer is not that he will stop living the homosexual lifestyle. If he does not know the Lord, then praying that he will change his behavior will do no good. I must pray that God reveals Himself to him, and that he will come into a saving relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ.

Do I sometimes wish things were different and that I could be the one to influence his life for Christ and help him along the path to salvation? Absolutely. But as it is, God has placed me in this situation for a reason, and though I do not understand, I must be faithful and pray for Scott from a distance.

I love him. He has always been dear to me, and no matter what he says, no matter what he does, that's not going to change. I know that it's not by my own will that I love him, so please don't think that I am bragging or making myself seem high and mighty. Scott has treated me very, very poorly in the past, and I know that there have been times when I have not wanted anything to do with him, and when I have even thought that he deserves whatever he gets.

But then I realized that this is not right thinking. I am called to remember that he is a lost sheep, and God wants to bring him to Himself. I have been praying for him for so long, that it feels like nothing is ever going to change. But I know that God is faithful, and I believe that He has promised to change Scott's heart. I am going to hold on to that promise with everything that I have. Seeing Scott cross the line of salvation and fall in love with Jesus Christ would be the greatest gift I could ever receive.

Oh God, reveal yourself to him. Give him such a startling encounter with You that he cannot help but know that it is you. Do whatever You need to in order to bring him to Yourself. I call upon You, Lord. Be with him. Draw near to him, and allow him to draw near to You. I know that You are faithful, Lord. I know that You can do what You have promised, and I want to call upon that promise right now. Give him the eyes he needs in order to see You, Lord. Give him the ears to hear Your word in a new and fresh way, and give him the courage to come to faith in You and to turn his life around. In Your name, Amen.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

My First Love.

Upon hearing that title, you'd probably think that I would be devoting this post to Eric. However, that's not true. As much as I love Eric and am thrilled to be spending the rest of my life with him, he is not my first love. I so often forget that, and I wish I wouldn't. My first love is my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Without Him, I am nothing.

So often I get caught up in my day-to-day life, and I just forget about my Love. I forget to talk to Him, forget to read His Word, forget to thank Him for the grace He's given me in my life. It's so true when the Bible says if we draw near to God, then He will draw near to us. If I'm being honest, I would say that in recent weeks, it has been rare for me to meet with my Lord one-on-one and really devote a good amount of time with Him. Because of that, I have seen myself growing dry and hungry. My spiritual food and drink wasn't there. In the past couple of days though, I have tried to go back into the routine of meeting with Him, and I can't even explain to you the difference that I have seen in my life. While it sucks to see sin in my life revealed to me, the fullness of meeting with my Savior is incomparable.

He is my Love. He is the One who rescued me from the pit and loved me enough to call me His child. There is no way that I could ever deserve this love, grace, and mercy that He has given to me. Who am I, that He should be mindful of me? I am but a speck of dust, here today and gone tomorrow. In the grand scheme of things in this world, I am nothing. The world definitely doesn't revolve around me, and really doesn't care that I'm here. (For explanation, I know that I have people in my life who care about me. I'm referring to the world in general). But yet here is my Lord, who came down from heaven as a man, died, and was resurrected for the sins of the whole world. And even if it was only for me, if I was the only sinner on earth, He would have still come down. That just boggles my mind, and I don't deserve it at all. Yet through my constant turning from Him, He is still there, and still ready and willing to welcome me back with open arms. I will never do too much against Him that He will stop loving me. His love is unconditional, which also makes it unfathomable. I am saved, and not because of my own doing, but simply because... He Loves Me.

Great is the Lord, and worthy of glory
Great is the Lord, and worthy of praise
Great is the Lord, now lift up your voice
Now lift up your voice
Great is the Lord