Friday, September 17, 2010

That's Just The Way It Is.

I feel like I'm on a constant emotional rollercoaster. One day I can totally see the light and the hope that I have in Christ, and the next, I'm right back to or further away from where I started. My life has been such a whirlwind of events lately, and I don't really know what's going on. False accusations on my character, a destroyed reputation, feelings of guilt, jealousy, hurt, anger... and on top of all of that I have to place intense schoolwork and learning how to live with a long-distance relationship.

Let me tell you... It's not easy.

I know that God has called me to the place I'm at for a reason. I know that He has given me the strength that I need in order to overcome whatever I'm facing, but that doesn't exactly make things a walk in the park. Like I said, I still have my good days, but then I have my very bad days as well. I'm so grateful though for my wonderful Eric, my friends, my family, and above all, my Lord and Savior. I know that God has place the people in my life there for a reason, and I know that I have faithful friends who love me and want to see me through this.

That is a huge comfort.

I hate the fact that my posts lately have been more depressing than encouraging. I guess this is just a dark spot that I'm facing right now, but I'm trying to fight through it with everything that is in me, and cling desperately to the promises that my God has given to me. I know that He will never leave me, and He will never forsake me. I know that I may never see the results in this lifetime, but He is fighting for me, and He has ultimate purposes for everything that happens. I am so incredibly grateful to Him for His love and His mercy toward me. I don't deserve it at all.

I feel so much like David in the Psalms. If there was ever a picture of an emotional rollercoaster, the Psalms is where it's at. David is up, down, up, down, then up again. Then in the next Psalm he's right back to being down. I am finding a continual growth in dependence on the Psalms in my life for that reason, and it's really a comfort.

Though I can't see it right now, God is working in my life. Maybe He's molding me right now. Maybe He's showing me that some things in my life need to change, and even that I won't always get justice in life and things won't always be fair, but He is still God, and He is still sovereign. I guess He might just want to remind me to trust Him that He knows what He's doing.

...Ha, as I wrote that, a line in one of the songs I'm listening to said,

"You are God, and that's just the way it is."

I guess I need to remember that. Plain and simple, God is God. He's got it covered.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Lasting Hope.

Hope. What is it? It's... well... Hope. It's the belief that no matter how difficult things get, there's still something to live for. It's the belief that when all seems lost, there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. It may be a faint light, or we may not be able to see it at all, but it's still there.

I can't always see God working in my life. I can't always see how He's moving and how He's coordinating certain events in my life to work together for a certain purpose. All I can see is what is in the moment - what I'm longing for, joyful for, or even afraid of. Things seem to be such a mess in the moment, and I can't see how God is weaving it into His intricate plan for me.

And in some respects, I think part of me doesn't want to. Part of me wants to think that things in my life happen randomly, so that I don't have to worry about consequences if I try to fix it on my own. There's this small area within myself that wants to think that I'm on my own, that God isn't orchestrating everything, and that I can do whatever I want in order to resolve the situation in the way I see fit.

But that's not how it works. As positive as hope is, it also comes with a price. I have to give up my pride, and be willing to trust the One who gives and is my ultimate hope. I have read those passages so many times that God is sovereign, that He knows what He's doing, and He has a plan for my life. But when have I actually believed it? I've never had to put it into practice before, and now is the time when I actually have to live out what I believe. Phew... That's not easy.


God is my hope.

God is my strength.

God is my deliverer.

God is my source.

God is my rock.

God is my redeemer.

God is my LORD.

God is my warrior.

And he... He will overcome everything that I face and everything that I struggle through. It is Him that I can cling to in my darkest and most difficult of moments, and even in the times when I think life is easy. He is the one I should look to.

Oh God, be the Rock of my life, and the one that I hold on to through the calm and through the storms.