Thursday, October 18, 2012

It's a Mess.

Life... Has been... insane. To put it lightly.

Work and my personal life has just been crazy. I am so ready for things to settle down, but I have an idea that it's not going to happen anytime soon.

But I digress. This post isn't about me, and isn't about how crazy life is.

It's about the messiness of relationships.

Seriously, has anybody else realized how incredibly messy relationships are? Seriously, every time I try to make a relationship not messy, I somehow seem to make it worse. They're so complex and convoluted. It's rare to have a relationship with someone that is simple, or to think about a relationship in a simple manner.

Through all of this crud that we've been dealing with in our friend's divorce, it's become incredibly difficult not to become completely bitter and resentful towards the (now ex-) wife because of her actions and attitude in this situation. It's just messy. I wish there were a manual on how to deal with people and how to feel about people in any and every situation.... but there's not. Every relationship and situation is different.

However... I think I know how I should think and feel about this woman. I need to still love her. I need to pray for her. I need to beg Christ to intervene in her life and rescue her from this hurtful and sinful lifestyle.

But honestly, because of the messiness of life and this situation, I don't want to. Right now, I want to be angry with her. I want to yell at her and tell her exactly what I think about what she's doing. Don't get me wrong, I know that anger is not wrong in and of itself, but I also know that my bitterness towards her is wrong and needs to be changed.

I talked with a friend today who reminded me that she needs Christ, and she needs someone to intervene in her life. She is a broken person and needs the Lord so desperately. I'm so bad at feeling compassion for people - really, I am. It's so much easier to have compassion for the innocent... but not the guilty. I tend to have the attitude of "well, they're going to get what they deserve," instead of feeling pain over how destructive their life is.

But then I realize... who am I to say that? I'm ridiculously imperfect. I'm a broken person as well. No, I've never lived in a long period of unrepentant sin, but I can't say that I've never had unrepentant sin in my life. I absolutely have lived in a few-month period where I wasn't sorry for the things I was doing. Who am I to condemn her? I am not innocent. I am not perfect.

As angry as I believe I should be about what she did and what she's doing, I need to pray for her. I need to love her. I need to see her as Christ sees her. I need to have a soft heart towards her.

Let me tell you... That's easier said than done. I wish I had answers.

Anyone have any answers or thoughts they'd like to share? I welcome them gladly...

Saturday, September 15, 2012

How do you go on?

It's times like these when I really begin to question what the Lord has in mind, and why He allows certain things to happen in people's lives.

We recently had a situation happen with some friends of ours that involved infidelity, non-repentance, and the person who had the affair is now divorcing the other. We have seen more pain in the last couple of weeks than we have probably ever seen in our lives.

How do you go on from something like that? How do you move forward and not feel like a fool for marrying that person in the first place? How do you learn to trust again?

Our hearts go out to this person every day. We have lost sleep over it, because this person is one of our dearest friends. To think of this situation happening to such a kind and caring person is unbelievable.

For the past couple of weeks I have been trying to process through everything and figure out why someone could do something so horrendous. In the words of the person who had the affair, "I broke the one rule in marriage that you're not supposed to break." And not only that, this person ended up deciding that they did not want to be in the marriage anymore, and has now decided to leave.

As if the innocent person hadn't already been hurt enough... They just took another sucker-punch to the gut. It would have been one thing if there was repentance and a desire to work things out, but that hasn't been the case at all - only finger-pointing and questioning why they got married in the first place.

My heart is breaking. I have always experienced these types of things from a distance, but this is the first time when it hits so close to home, and I feel as though things are just shattering. --- And this didn't even happen to me personally.

In fact, my marriage is getting better and stronger everyday. And right now... I *hate* saying that. Why should I have such a marriage when our friends' is falling apart even as I type this?

Why would you allow this to happen, God? You know that the innocent party loves You and desires to do the right thing and would have loved the other even through all of this. And yet the other person got away with it and is now leaving? How is that even remotely fair?

I'm trying to trust the Lord, but the more crap that happens, the more I begin to question why He's doing this to such an awesome person.

"Vengeance is mine," says the Lord. "I will repay." --- And now I just ask... When? When is this person going to get what they deserve? I know that it needs to be in the hands of the Lord, but right now all I want to do is find that person, give them a piece of my mind, and then punch them in the face for how they have hurt our friend.

How do you reach out to someone who's going through a divorce? This is a situation that is completely foreign to me when it's this close. Listen to them? Talk with them? Help them get their mind off of it? Cry with them? I'm sure it's all of these things.... It's just so hard to know what the right thing to say (or not say) is.

I don't even know how to process all of this. Our friend's life is forever changed because of this. Innocence is shattered, naivete is gone. All that's left is pain and the question... How do you go on? How do you pick up the pieces of a life that has completely fallen apart?

...I don't have answers.

Saturday, May 5, 2012


I'm really trying to wrap my head around the fact that it's no longer okay to tell people what you think about the choices that they're making. Now, before people get in an uproar, let me explain myself.

I see people ruining their lives every single day. They make stupid decisions that cause mayhem and destruction, and it breaks my heart. I know that I'm not supposed to be this "savior" or person who talks them out of making stupid decisions, but I just can't be okay with watching people I care about make really poor decisions and never saying a word about it.

 Now, I'm not talking about just voicing my opinion about how "stupid" it is (which I know that I've done way too many times, and I deeply regret those times of selfishness). What I'm talking about is truly talking to the person and saying, in love, that what they're doing is destructive and harmful to their lives and might be leading to trouble down the road.

I know that there's a balance between saying something and pestering the person and even condemning them. This is something that I have struggled with my entire life, and have unfortunately destroyed a couple friendships because of it (and again, it's something I deeply regret). I tend to come on a "little" strong when I voice my thoughts on an issue (Which I'm sure none of you have EVER noticed that... ha.). However, I really and truly believe that I would be doing that person an injustice if I didn't say anything at all - then, if they choose not to listen, then that's exactly what it is: their choice. There's no more "what if's": What if I had said something? What if I had stepped in? Those things are all gone, because I have done my part for something that I say I care about.

But here's what I've been seeing become a trend: we look at those we love and choose not to say anything because we think it's their "happiness" that matters. Well, as long as they're happy, I'm not going to say anything. Well, she's happy doing that with her life.

....Seriously? What does happiness matter, anyway? Is that the point of life? Now, I'm not saying that we shouldn't be happy, but what I'm asking is, Should happiness be our end goal? Why is it SO important for everyone to be "happy"?

Maybe I'm completely off here, but I just can't sit by and watch people destroy their lives, all for the sake of happiness. It just doesn't logically compute with me. I absolutely hate the fact that it's not okay to say anything negative about the way people live their lives. Again, I understand that there's a difference between judgment and warnings (a line which I unfortunately cross all too often), but I honestly would rather be in my position (saying something too often) than not saying anything at all.

Because... who knows? Maybe God can use something I said - even if I completely screwed it up - to soften someone's heart to hear the truth later down the road. But here's what I do know - if I don't say anything at all and just turn a blind eye to the way people live their lives, then I know that I will not make an impact (sorry, de Rosset) at all. How can I honestly say that I love the people in my life if I'm not willing to look them in the eyes (or write them a sincere note on facebook...seriously) and tell them when I think they're screwing up their lives?

Maybe I'm totally wrong, maybe I'm a totally judgmental jerk, and maybe I'm mean and cruel and..... etc.... but this is one thing that I feel absolutely and completely passionate about, and I'm not backing down. I may screw things up and say totally stupid things sometimes, but I would much, much rather say something than nothing at all. Because... in my mind... it means I actually care about the person. Even if they don't see it that way at the time.

Go ahead, hate me. Think that I'm a complete jerk who just wants to get her opinion and her point across. That's fine.  I know that some things I say and believe are pretty polarizing and get people angry. I've had that happen my entire life. But seeing people I care about screw up their lives breaks my heart way too much to just stand by and not say anything at all - especially when no one else will speak up for them. I want to speak up for the person. I want to speak up for the greater good - not the momentary happiness.

Alright, I'll step down from my soapbox now.

'Til next time.

PS - I also realize that there is a time and a place for everything to be said, and it shouldn't be in the form of "You're screwing up your life" (unless you absolutely know the person you're talking to can handle that). It should be well-thought out and IN LOVE. That's the biggest thing. If it's not in love.... then it shouldn't be done.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

He says, "Come."

Reading in Romans 10 today makes me think of just how long God waited for the Israelites to repent and come back to Him. It's not as if He didn't give them any chances - in fact, He gave them several. Though the Israelites constantly turned their backs on Him, He still stood there with His arms open, waiting for them to repent. And yet, He knew all along that they wouldn't. Why would God, who knows everything, still stand there waiting, even though He knows that His creation won't accept Him back?

Even in Romans, after Paul talks about the fact that the Gentiles are grafted into the vine and the Jews were cut out, in chapters 10 and 11 he talks about how God is going to accept a remnant of them back again, even though they did not want Him before.

It makes me think of my own life, and how I constantly turn away from the Lord in order to do my own thing. He wants me to live my life for Him and in a close relationship with Him, but all too often I tell Him, "I've got it covered. I can run my own life." And then, it's only when I've completely screwed everything up that I run back to Him, tail between my legs, saying, "You were right." It's not long, though, until I'm back on my feet and walking away from Him - and so the vicious cycle continues.

Why do I - why do we - do this? We all know that we do it all the time. I have yet to meet a person that doesn't try to take life into their own hands at least once in a while. I know that it's because of our sin nature and we want to be in control of our own lives, but you'd think that we would realize that the God of the freaking universe would know a little bit more than we do about what's good for us and what the right thing to do is. Are we really so selfish and stupid that we think we have any chance of knowing more than the God who created us, who has existed from eternity past? The God who formed us in our mother's womb and knows us better than we know ourselves? Stupid, stupid sheep.

All the time I read about the Israelites when they were in the desert with Moses, and I laugh about how often they turn their backs on the Lord. I see their stupidity in trying to make idols for themselves and trying to take charge of their circumstances - and then... I realize... That's me. I do the exact same thing as the Israelites. All. The. Time. It may not be on as big of a scale as them, but every single day - even subconsciously - I take matters into my own hands in order to make things go my way. And you'd think I'd realize after a while that it never works, but I don't.

I guess what I'm trying to say is - I'm really, really grateful that God is such a merciful and loving God. That even though He knows I'm going to walk away often, He still stands there with His arms open. Otherwise I'm sure I would've been obliterated ages ago. I don't take nearly enough time with Him as I should, I hardly pray to Him if I'm not asking for something, and I turn my back on Him constantly to do my own thing and feed my own sins.

I don't know why He loves me, but all I know is that He does, and He always will. I know that He has saved me, and that I will be able to live in eternity with Him. That my salvation has nothing to do with my own actions, but solely on Christ and His death and resurrection. And for that I am grateful.