Learning to Breathe Again.

Life is going to get good again. I can feel it, and I'm so excited. To be completely honest, life has sucked up to this point in the semester. It has been the most stressful and difficult semester I've ever had, and I'm ready for it to be over. It actually hasn't been very stressful academically, but it has been so hard in the areas of my emotions and my spirituality.

It was twenty times more difficult to get over my ex than I thought it would be, but I completely cut off communication with him and I feel so completely free now. I had never realized just how much he had manipulated and used me throughout our relationship and our friendship. I know that I am a strong woman, and I deserve better than that, that's for sure. I won't stand for being treated less than I should be. Right now my ex and I are taking a month apart, but I have a feeling at the end of the month I won't care if I ever talk to him again.

In regards to my most previous post on the topic of prayer, God has revealed Himself even more to me throughout this whole situation. It is more than okay for me to pray for the things that I want and I long for, but if I also pray that God will do His will in the situation, then He will eventually change my desires to look more like His, and will help the pain to dissipate.

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I have a friend who, for our women's ministry mini-retreat read to us from Phil Vischer's book, "Sid and Norman: a Tale of Two Pigs." It sounds like a silly children's book, but when she read it to us I almost cried, and I also checked it out of the library a few days ago in order to read it again. The premise of this book is that there are two pigs who live next door to each other, but are complete opposites. The first one is Norman, who is an upstanding pig that always has his tie completely straight and tends to look down on others, and then there's Sidney who wishes he could be like him, but always seems to get everything messed up. His house is always a mess, his tie is never straight, he always gets in trouble, is always late for things, and can never be organized.

Both of the pigs get invited to talk to God one day, and while Norman is excited, Sidney is completely dreading and terrifed of the entire situation. Norman is sure that God is going to give him an award for being such a good pig, but this is not what happens. He walks in and God simply tells him that He loves him, but it's not because of his goodness that He loves him. He then tells Norman to stop looking down on other people and to realize that He loves them just as much as him.

Then comes in Sidney. Sidney is just sure that God is going to chastise him for not being good enough and for always messes up, but God again just simply tells him, "I love you." And then he said, "Secondly, I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you." God did not want to tell Sidney everything that he was doing wrong. He simply wanted to tell him that He loved him just the way he was.

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I would highly recommend reading this book (Yes, it's a kids' book!) because of how encouraging and moving it is. I find that I identify myself with Sidney SO much. I feel as though I am always so disorganized and I can never get anything right, but the only ipmortant thing is how much God loves me. He doesn't love me because of anything I do or don't do, but simply because He can. This is huge, and makes me realize how awesome and wonderful He really is.

God's goodness is beyond comprehension and beyond anything that we could ever imagine. Just when I think that I understand and that He can't possibly be good to me because of how I've messed up, He continues to surprise me.

Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow;
Praise Him, all creatures here below;
Praise Him above, ye heavenly host;
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

No, no, no drama.

I know that I want to write, but even as I sit here with so many things running through my mind, I'm finding it hard to find the right words to say. Things have started out well here in Chicago. Even though I'm already feeling like I'm behind in my classes, I'm really loving them. It's great knowing that I won't be the only person I know in my classes because I've been here before.

I really am excited to see all the things that God has in store for me this year. I know that I grew a lot over the summer and I've been changed in so many different ways, and I'm excited to see what else God has to teach me. I know it won't be easy though, that's for sure. I know that there's always a lot of pain that comes along with being transformed more into His likeness, but I'm ready and willing to do what's necessary in order to grow.

I've also realized in the past few days why it's important to spend time with people who are in the same life situation as I am. Now I'm not saying it's bad to spend time with people who are younger... But at the same time, I feel as though they're not quite at the maturity level where there could be a deeper friendship. Now when I get older, I'm sure a couple years' age difference won't really matter... But right now it really does. And the reason is because we change so muchbetween the ages of 18 and 22. I'm only 20, so I know that I still have a lot of growing and changing to do, and I'm looking forward to it. However, I'm a completely different person than I was when I first started college.

My point in saying this is that I've tried to be friends with the freshmen. Really, I've tried. And I've been getting along with them for the most part... But there's something that just seems to be missing when I'm spending time with them and not my other friends who have had the same or more life experience as me. When I'm around these certain individuals, I feel as though I'm transported back into high school again, and that's not a good thing. Now I understand why the upperclassmen last year didn't really try and get to know all the freshmen and transfers. It's because it's a lot more difficult to be friends with people who aren't at the same place in life as you are, especially when they've just come out of high school.

I need to remember that the next time I'm tempted to hang out with a freshman, especially a freshman guy... Because there will definitely be nothing but drama if I allow that situation to take place. And I'm determined not to have any drama this year, so I'll be staying away from that. I've already had some drama, but I cut it off and I'm not going to allow it to happen again. It's just too ridiculous...

But anyway. Again, I'm really looking forward to seeing what God does this year. I'm excited to grow and go through situations where I know that He knows it's best for me. And while I would enjoy being in a relationship this year, I know that at least for the time being I'm not ready for one. I need to just wait and see where God leads. If a guy is interested in me then great, but if not... well, then that's perfectly okay too.

Philippians 4:11-13
Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
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Oh and also, I'm going to be studying the book of Galatians for my quiet time, and I'll probably put up my writings on what hit me on here as well.

Love.