Life is going to get good again. I can feel it, and I'm so excited. To be completely honest, life has sucked up to this point in the semester. It has been the most stressful and difficult semester I've ever had, and I'm ready for it to be over. It actually hasn't been very stressful academically, but it has been so hard in the areas of my emotions and my spirituality.
It was twenty times more difficult to get over my ex than I thought it would be, but I completely cut off communication with him and I feel so completely free now. I had never realized just how much he had manipulated and used me throughout our relationship and our friendship. I know that I am a strong woman, and I deserve better than that, that's for sure. I won't stand for being treated less than I should be. Right now my ex and I are taking a month apart, but I have a feeling at the end of the month I won't care if I ever talk to him again.
In regards to my most previous post on the topic of prayer, God has revealed Himself even more to me throughout this whole situation. It is more than okay for me to pray for the things that I want and I long for, but if I also pray that God will do His will in the situation, then He will eventually change my desires to look more like His, and will help the pain to dissipate.
I have a friend who, for our women's ministry mini-retreat read to us from Phil Vischer's book, "Sid and Norman: a Tale of Two Pigs." It sounds like a silly children's book, but when she read it to us I almost cried, and I also checked it out of the library a few days ago in order to read it again. The premise of this book is that there are two pigs who live next door to each other, but are complete opposites. The first one is Norman, who is an upstanding pig that always has his tie completely straight and tends to look down on others, and then there's Sidney who wishes he could be like him, but always seems to get everything messed up. His house is always a mess, his tie is never straight, he always gets in trouble, is always late for things, and can never be organized.
Both of the pigs get invited to talk to God one day, and while Norman is excited, Sidney is completely dreading and terrifed of the entire situation. Norman is sure that God is going to give him an award for being such a good pig, but this is not what happens. He walks in and God simply tells him that He loves him, but it's not because of his goodness that He loves him. He then tells Norman to stop looking down on other people and to realize that He loves them just as much as him.
Then comes in Sidney. Sidney is just sure that God is going to chastise him for not being good enough and for always messes up, but God again just simply tells him, "I love you." And then he said, "Secondly, I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you." God did not want to tell Sidney everything that he was doing wrong. He simply wanted to tell him that He loved him just the way he was.
I would highly recommend reading this book (Yes, it's a kids' book!) because of how encouraging and moving it is. I find that I identify myself with Sidney SO much. I feel as though I am always so disorganized and I can never get anything right, but the only ipmortant thing is how much God loves me. He doesn't love me because of anything I do or don't do, but simply because He can. This is huge, and makes me realize how awesome and wonderful He really is.
God's goodness is beyond comprehension and beyond anything that we could ever imagine. Just when I think that I understand and that He can't possibly be good to me because of how I've messed up, He continues to surprise me.
Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow;
Praise Him, all creatures here below;
Praise Him above, ye heavenly host;
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.