Gender Roles: Leadership?

This is a follow-up to my post -- Gender Roles in Marriage: Are They Right?.


Yesterday I wrote on how I don't believe our cultures "gender roles" in marriage are (or should be) reality. Inside of this post I write a sidenote that said,

Also, sidenote... I do have a desire for Eric to lead our marriage. However, this is a personal decision, not something that I believe should be prescriptive for all marriages. I like the idea of Eric being a leader (especially since he's such a humble, caring man), but I will never pressure him to lead, nor will I judge anyone who disagrees - this is just a personal thing that I like to see in my marriage.

I would like to explain this thought further.  This desire that I have doesn't come from any "Biblical" basis, nor is it something that I feel should be normative for all marriages. I absolutely 100% believe that marriage should be an equal partnership and there should be mutual submission and respect between both parties.

It was asked of me yesterday though why I have a desire for Eric to lead in our relationship. This is a good question, and something I hadn't really thought much about before, because in my mind it's always been that I'm an indecisive person and would rather defer my decisions to another person. Is this right or wrong? I'm not sure - and that's something that I'm going to continue thinking about.

There's a possibility that I would rather defer decision-making to Eric because I'm insecure. Throughout my entire life this has been my struggle. I'm often not confident in my decision-making because I'm so afraid I'm going to make the wrong one. Is this always the case with Eric? No, it's not. There are many times when we make decisions together and I make it clear if I'm uncomfortable with a certain decision. But probably more often than not this is why I defer to him. I'm not saying that the reasons for my desire to defer to Eric are always the right ones or the wrong ones. But hear me on this - I'm talking about big decisions that need to be made, not daily decisions or things that will only affect me and not him. I can easily make those decisions on my own - the decisions I'm talking about are financial in nature or regarding the "bigger picture."

I also trust Eric - I trust him with my life. I know that he has the ability to be confident in his decisions, and I know that he will make decisions that will be the best for both of us. He is a far more confident person than I am, so until I can be more secure, I would rather defer to him. In saying that though, please also note that I do believe communication is absolutely necessary - I would never make a big decision without talking to him, and vice-versa. We strive for unity in our marriage, and you can't have unity if one person is making all the decisions without consulting the other person as well.

As far as spiritual leadership is concerned, this is somewhere I know I disagree with many people. I don't believe that the husband is supposed to be the spiritual leader at all times. I believe to put that pressure on my husband is doing him a great disservice and not allowing him to be as a person. Let me explain.

There are ebbs and flows to every believer's spiritual walk. Sometimes we walk through a time of incredible closeness to Christ, and our relationship with Him flourishes. However, there are other times when we remain stagnant or reach a "dry" period in our faith. I think every believer experiences this at one time or another, whether they are willing to admit it or not. If I were to put the pressure on Eric to be on a "spiritual high" at all times, I wouldn't be fair to him. If he is ever in a dry point in his relationship with Christ, I would much rather give him that time to breathe and figure things out than pressure him to "be better" or be in a different place. I would want him to do the same thing for me, and he has done that for me in the past.

Marriage is a give-and-take relationship. There are ebbs and flows to marriage. There are ups and downs, and there is a lot of back-and-forth. It's unfair to pin all the responsibilities of leadership and different roles on one person, because we all have mountains and valleys in our lives. To give each other room to breathe - room to be - is a beautiful thing. Doing so implies an understanding toward one another that allows for unity and teamwork. I would much rather see Eric as my teammate who sometimes acts as a "captain" (sports references...) than this man who has power over me. Sometimes I will be called to act as the "captain" as well, and I am more than happy to do so.

I hope this explained a little more of what I believe and where I'm at. I know I don't have all the answers and I'm still figuring things out, but that's what life is all about, right? No one has it figured out - that's why we're on this journey. :) If anyone has any further questions, please let me know!

Gender Roles in Marriage: Are They Right?

When Eric and I got married, I felt an enormous amount of pressure from myself to be the type of wife that I thought I "should" be. I thought it was my responsibility to do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. while also working and being (at the time) a pastor's wife. I heaped all this pressure on myself because I was taught (from society) that this was what a "good" wife does. After all, I'm supposed to be the Proverbs 31 wife, right?

Lately I've been thinking a lot about "Gender Rules" and whether or not those are actually true. So, here are a few points on why I'm not a fan of this whole idea:

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1. I am not a "Proverbs 31 Wife."

After a few months of trying to do everything, I (and Eric) realized it wasn't working out - and then I was honest.

I don't like cooking.

If you really like to cook, that's awesome. More power to you - but I've never had a passion for it. I'm not good at it. I don't enjoy it. Whenever I cook, I try to make the easiest thing possible that doesn't take a long time, because I really don't like being in the kitchen very much. Eric, on the other hand, really enjoys cooking and he's really good at it. So who am I to stand in the way of that, all in the name of "wifely duties?"

I judged myself for a long time for not wanting to cook (and for refusing to clean the bathroom...gross), but Eric always encouraged me not to find my value as a wife in those things. I always thought of myself as a sucky wife because I let our apartment get a little messy and I don't always fold the laundry right away, but in spite of all of that Eric would look me in the eye and say, "You're a great wife." ...But why? Aren't I supposed to do all these things that I'm not doing? How could I still be a good wife?

And then he told me.

I respect him. I support him. I encourage him. I love him. I challenge him.

And sure, I'm definitely not perfect, but those are the things he cares about - not whether dinner is ready by the time he gets home from work or not.

I am not - and never will be - a "Proverbs 31 wife."

Let's go through all the specific areas of Proverbs 31 in which I don't fit:

         - I don't "seek wool." (v.13)
         - I don't "bring food from afar." (v.14)
         - I don't get up before the sun. (v. 15)
         - I don't make breakfast for Eric, nor do we have servants. (v. 15)
         - I don't buy fields, nor do I have a garden. (v. 16)
         - I don't sell merchandise. (v. 18)
         - I don't sew. (v. 19)
         - I don't "clothe" Eric in red. (v. 21)
         - I don't wear "fine linens." (v. 22)
         - I don't sell clothes. (v. 24)

Okay. So, you get the gist. According to this list, I really suck as a wife. However, I would venture to say there are deeper meanings to this passage beyond just a prescriptive list of things wives/women are "supposed" to do.

Rachel Held Evans discusses this issue in her post, Women of Valor: It's about character, not roles. She says,

"The subject of a twenty-two-line poem found in the last chapter of the book of Proverbs, the 'wife of noble character' -- or, more properly translated, eshet chayil - "woman of valor -- is meant to be a tangible expression of the book's celebrated virtue of wisdom. ...Like any good poem, the purpose of this one is to draw attention to the often-overlooked glory of the everyday.

The author is essentially showing us what wisdom looks like in action. The only instructive language it contains is direct toward men, with the admonition that a thankful husband honor his wife 'for all that her hands have done.' ...in the Jewish tradition, it is the men who memorize Proverbs 31, so they know how to honor their wives.

And yet many Christians interpret this passage prescriptively, as a command to women rather than an ode to women, with the home-based endeavors of the Proverbs 31 woman cast as the ideal lifestyle for all women of faith.  ...No longer presented as a song through which a man offers his wife praise, Proverbs 31 is presented as a task list through which a woman earns it.

...It's not the domestic accomplishments of the Proverbs 31 Woman that matter, but rather her virtues of wisdom and valor."

2. Eric and I do certain things because we're good at them - not because he's a man and I'm a woman.

This point isn't a very long one, but:

Eric enjoys fixing computers. He enjoys working on technology. He enjoys fixing our cars. Does he enjoy those things or do those things simply because he's a man? I would venture to say absolutely not. I have full confidence that I could do any of those things (well, maybe not the car thing because I'm just hopeless with cars) and do them well. I really enjoy computers and I'm good with them. Most of the time if my computer has an issue with something I can figure it out without asking Eric. How can I do this? Because I understand computers. I get them. I can see the problem and figure it out almost all the time.

Eric enjoys cooking, and he's much better at it than I am. Will I tell him not to cook just because I'm the woman and that's the way things should be?

I'm better at cleaning than Eric (even though I don't enjoy it), not because I'm a woman, but simply because I'm more detail-oriented than he is. I am more prone to noticing dirt than he is, simply because that's who I am. I see the areas that he doesn't see. It has nothing to do with the idea that he's a man and therefore a slob, but everything to do with the fact that I see those details more readily than he does.

Eric and I were created differently - we both have different talents, gifts, and personality traits. Just because I have a certain personality trait doesn't mean it's because I'm a woman, and vice-versa. Eric and I are on this journey together, and we are called to work cooperatively in accordance with our gifts and talents - it would be counter-productive for us to do something we're not good at simply because it's what we're "supposed" to do.


3. Submission...?

This is a point where I know I'll disagree with many people. In Christian culture today we hear (and read, unfortunately) all the time about how wives need to submit to their husbands. However, through studying Scripture and the context surrounding Ephesians 5:22-33, I can't help but notice that Paul commands every believer to submit to one another (15-21).

"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not get drunk with wine, for the is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ." 

THEN he goes into talking about wives submitting to their husbands and husbands loving their wives. Here's how I interpret it, and an analogy (which is probably similar to what Paul was doing):

Imagine you were a pastor. In evaluating your church, maybe you saw that there were specific issues that needed to be worked out. So in order to address those issues, first you talk about what the members of your church should all be doing for one another (submitting to one another, loving each other, etc.). Afterwards, you point out the specific problem areas in your church. For Paul, it was that the wives weren't submitting to their husbands, and the husbands weren't loving their wives.

Remember, everyone is called to love and submit to one another. 

It is entirely possible that the women had no problem loving their husbands, but instead had issues of submitting to them. Paul saw a specific issue with the Ephesian church, and thus he addressed it. I cannot interpret that passage without that cultural context nor the context of the rest of the chapter/book.

Eric and I are really, really against this idea of "patriarchy" where whatever the husband says, goes. We see each other as equals and we make the decisions for our marriage together. Sure, I let him make most of the financial decision for us as long as I'm comfortable with them, but that's just because I hate dealing with money (and well...he works at a bank).

Eric desires for me to share my thoughts and opinions on things in our marriage and in life in general. He wants to hear from me - he doesn't have this urge to lord power over me or to make decisions without talking to me about it first. This is true for me as well. I don't want to make decisions without discussing it with Eric, because our marriage is an equal partnership. It's a give-and-take. And we love it that way.

[Also, sidenote... I do have a desire for Eric to lead our marriage. However, this is a personal decision, not something that I believe should be prescriptive for all marriages. I like the idea of Eric being a leader (especially since he's such a humble, caring man), but I will never pressure him to lead, nor will I judge anyone who disagrees - this is just a personal thing that I like to see in my marriage.]

4. We are all called to humble ourselves and love one another.

I think I will let Scripture speak for itself here:

"So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do not thing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." - Philippians 2:1-4

 "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." - John 13:34-35

 "Clothes yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for 'God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." - 1 Peter 5:5b

"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us." - 1 John 4:7-12

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. it does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." - 1 Corinthians 13:1-7

Marriage does not exempt people from this. When two people get married, they don't suddenly get a new list of "rules" they need to follow, nor a new set of "roles" to which they must adhere.

We are called to treat one another with love, respect, kindness, humility, and selflessness -- regardless of whether we're a husband or a wife, a man or a woman.

*I am planning on writing on the story of Hosea and Gomer soon (how it isn't supposed to be prescriptive for all marriages), and would love any resources any of you can send me on that topic!*

Celebrating 2 Years, and Our Marriage Is Far From Perfect.

Tomorrow is my 2-year anniversary with the man that I couldn't even hope to deserve. Two years isn't a long time, but it's long enough to know that marriage is anything but easy and far from being perfect.

It didn't take long for the "honeymoon" feeling to wear off in our marriage. I would say reality set in at about 3 months. We started getting frustrated with each other's little habits, we started fighting more, and things got really stressful. I was new to Minnesota, new to marriage, new to post-college life, and new to my job. Unfortunately I took a lot of those things out on Eric and did not treat him nearly as well as I should have.

During that time I became very self-focused. Everything was about me - he wasn't doing enough for me, he didn't say nice things often enough, he wasn't as focused on me as he should have been. I began to have some real anger issues and resented him for a lot of things that I shouldn't have. Because I had this attitude, our relationship took a giant dive and was extremely tension-filled for quite a while.

I attribute a lot of our success now to the fact that we (mostly Eric, because he saw the need far earlier than I did) took initiative and decided to get counseling - both separately and together. We both had issues that needed to be worked out in our own personal lives as well as our marriage. Now, here's something I want to address. I know that "marriage counseling" is a big buzz-word for people. They hear somebody say that and automatically assume that person's marriage is in serious trouble and on the brink of divorce. I really, really want to change that perspective.

Eric and I are huge proponents for counseling, no matter where we're at in life. Even if things are generally going well, there are always ways we can be working on ourselves and ways we can learn how to process life better. I don't think anyone has ever "made it" or ever will "make it" - we're all in process and we're all on the journey of life. Why not make the most of it by learning how to process life and treat others in a healthy way? I become incredibly saddened by people who tell me they don't believe in counseling or that they think they've reached the point in life where they're beyond needing that. I completely disagree with that assessment. Whether we realize it or not, we all have baggage and issues in our lives that need to be dealt with - it just depends on if we're willing to swallow our pride and actually deal with them. 

Friends, please don't make the mistake in thinking that you have everything figured out. I know I thought that way for a while (and still do sometimes), and it nearly destroyed my life. We are all in process. No matter what stage of life you're in - single, married, high school, college, with or without children, we can all use a little help processing through this crazy messed-up world and the issues that come along with it. Yes, reading our Bibles and praying are both incredibly helpful and we need to do those things, but I believe a healthy dose of counseling can go a long way and help us see areas of weakness in ourselves that we may have otherwise been blind to.


My relationship with Eric is still not perfect, and will never be perfect - we still get in fights, we still get stubborn about whose turn it is to do the dishes, and we can still become incredibly selfish. But I love our marriage. We are weird and quirky and utterly strange (I wouldn't have it any other way), and I'm grateful to be married to a man who challenges me to be a better person and isn't afraid to ask for help along this journey.

I don't say any of these things to try and sound like we're "better" or that we've in some way "made it." I know that we still have issues and we will always have issues. But one thing I also know - we are learning what it means to swallow our pride and ask for help when we don't have all the answers. If we continue doing that throughout the rest of our marriage, I know we're going to be just fine. And we'll be more than fine - we'll be great.

PS - My husband is the best man I have ever met. He is kind, gentle, loving, and incredibly supportive. I'm so blessed that the Lord allowed me the privilege of being his wife. He's my best friend and more than I could ever ask for. I'm thankful for these last two years and I'm looking forward to what God has in store for us in the future. :)

Essentials for the Sniffles.

Eric and I joined a gym last week, and we've been really excited to get in shape together. Unfortunately, after a few days of working out, I came down with a really bad cough/cold! I've been resting as much as I can, so hopefully I'll be better soon. In the meantime, I have all of my essentials for feeling cruddy: water, snacks, my phone, and The Office playing in the background. :) 

Today I'm Thankful For:

.Friendly customers at work.

.A helpful husband who does the dishes and takes out the garbage before I get home.

.The Office.

.Laughter.

.Thin Mints.

.Friends who make me smile.

Quote Of The Day:

"Dwight, you ignorant slut!" - Michael Scott, Safety Training

<3

Blessed.

I had a wonderful weekend with my beloved to celebrate Valentine's Day. I am so blessed to be married to this man. I know many people think Valentine's Day is silly, but I really enjoy it - if nothing else than to have an excuse to celebrate my marriage. We don't feel the need to celebrate on Valentine's Day, but I think it's important to take time out to spend time with one another.

We got an awesome deal from LivingSocial for a one-night stay in the Hotel Minneapolis, and for the most part we had a good experience. The room was fantastic, but unfortunately there was an event that lasted until 2:30 a.m. on the main level. We were on the third floor, but we could still clearly hear the music and the bass. We definitely couldn't sleep with all that noise! We called down to the front desk and unfortunately they were rude and didn't help us. Thankfully when we mentioned it at check-out the employee took the charges from our room service off because of the inconvenience. I think we would probably stay there again if we had the chance, but we'd ask for a room on a higher floor - I'm not sure if those events happen frequently or not.

Anyone who hasn't gone to The Melting Pot before should go. It's expensive (we had a gift card from our birthdays that we just now used), but it's so worth it. We're definitely thinking we want to save up the money and go every Valentine's Day. The food is awesome, and if you're wanting a romantic atmosphere, this is it. It was by far the best experience we've had in dining - we had a private table (Eric had them put rose petals on the table beforehand) and we were able to close a curtain and have an intimate meal without worrying about anyone else.

Like I said, it's expensive, but it's definitely worth it. Even just going with some friends - what a fun atmosphere to be in! Everyone there is so friendly and it's so unique to have the food cooked right at your table. I'm most certainly a fan.

Kim did WHAT?!

Okay, so I know that I haven't posted in a while, but this whole Kim Kardashian drama is really getting to me. It's all over the (entertainment) news - how she staged her wedding, she never really loved Chris, he was a jerk to her, etc.

All of this publicity for her has made me really sad, yet at the same time... I feel a little bit hopeful toward today's society. I know that many, many people are saying that Kim did a ridiculous thing by getting married to a man she didn't even love and for doing so possibly just for the publicity. But here's the thing - at least people are disagreeing with her, right?

I think I would be really worried about where this culture was going if no one said anything about it and thought she was just "following her heart." However, this isn't the case. People who you would never expect to even care are furious about this, saying that Kim is destroying what marriage should be about.

I was watching TMZ the other day, and I was pleasantly surprised to hear the things that the people said about Kim's marriage. They talked about how she should have never gotten married in the first place, that you shouldn't marry a person if you're unsure at all, and how actions like hers are the reason that we have a 50% divorce rate in this country.

This kind of talk on television makes me feel at least a little bit better about our culture. Yes, we are far from doing well morally, but I'm glad to see that people do understand that marriage is supposed to be sacred - well, at least *more* sacred than Kim made it.

...I thought about adding something about gay marriage as well, but I think I'll save that for another time. There's a debate going on why people say that homosexuals are destroying the sanctity of marriage when they love each other and want to get married, but heterosexuals like Kim can do things like this. I might try to tackle it... we'll see. It's an interesting debate, though. Here's where I think it'll come down to, though:: Both are not good, not healthy, and not the way God intended marriage to be.

Sappy Moment #1.

So, I've decided that I'm going to just post whenever I feel sappy (which is a lot, actually).


So here's the first one: I walked down the aisle to this song. And I love it. :)

3 Months and Counting. :)

So, yes. Sunday was Eric's and my 3-month anniversary, and it's weird to think that we've already been married for 3 months. We're starting to settle into our life here in Minnesota, and we're looking forward to the journey ahead of us. :) 

These first 3 months have definitely taught each of us a lot more about who we are individually, and who we are to each other. I had a friend post about her marriage thus far, and she talked about how it wasn't as difficult as people said it would be. However, that's not how it's been for Eric and I. We are learning that marriage is the sweetest relationship in the world, but it's also the most difficult. We are called to deny ourselves everyday and to let the other person be who they are without trying to control anything, and it's not always easy. But I will tell you this: Marriage is the best thing to happen to us.

Though it's not easy, and though we might argue over the best way to start a campfire, or over what time we should go to church on Sunday morning, we wouldn't trade it for the world. It's not always cake and butterflies, but we are growing and being stretched more than I would have even thought possible. Marriage has such a way of showing you exactly how flawed you are and everything that you have failed at and need to work on. We're excited for this journey - it's going to be long and difficult, but the enjoyment of knowing that we have each other for the rest of our lives is totally worth it. 

Life together is beginning to be normal for us. We enjoy the simple things - the kiss goodbye as we head off to our jobs, the 3 roses he brings me when I'm sick, the walks we take in the park just happy to hold each other's hands.... It's so sweet. We don't need a lot, and we don't have a lot. But the important thing is that we have each other, and that's all we need. Sure, bills and other expenses will certainly be part of our lives, but we can get through it because we have each other - and most importantly, we are grounded and bound together by Jesus Christ.

Almost every night, right before we go to sleep, Eric asks me if we can pray together. This is one of the sweetest things for me, because it helps me remember that while we are close together, we are only together because of God's purposes in our lives, and we need to look to Him for our strength and guidance. I love hearing the question, "Can we pray?" from my dear husband, and I respect him so much for doing that. 

We have a lot to learn in our marriage. We are nowhere even close to being perfect at our relationship, but we're enjoying the ride, no matter how difficult it gets. We're excited to come closer together, to learn how to deal with life's situations, and to one day have babies and learn how to raise them in the way they should go. 

I'm married to my best friend, and that's the best feeling in the world. I know that no matter what happens, no matter how difficult things get, he's going to be there for me and love me, and I couldn't ask for anything more than that. I'm really looking forward to the rest of our lives. :)

Finally, An Update.

Well, after being SO excited to get married and updating everyone on it... I failed at updating AFTER we got married. I can't believe it's been so long since I've been on here! I guess things HAVE been pretty crazy around here - but it's been really good. So... I'll go back to the beginning.

The wedding was AMAZING. The 3 weeks after graduation leading up to the wedding were absolutely insane, but it was so worth it in the end. The wedding was completely perfect - it was everything that I had hoped it would be, and I wouldn't have changed one single thing. I couldn't believe it turned out as well as it did, but the people at the Chateaux were amazing. I couldn't have asked for a better team to work with. I would definitely recommend anyone getting married in CO to get married there! It's a beautiful location, and the people who work there are just so nice and accommodating. Here are a couple pictures for you guys. :)

Okay - so first of all, I realize that was more than a couple pictures but... I couldn't help myself. ALL the pictures were amazing! Our photographer did a phenomenal job. Secondly, I know they're not in order - I wanted them to be in a specific order, but they didn't cooperate with me when I uploaded them, and I'm SO not in the mood to either re-upload them or mess with the html code. So.... oh well. :)

But that's just a taste of our wedding! It was just so beautiful and wonderful, and again, I couldn't have asked for anything better. My whole family and my friends were absolutely amazing, too! My Mom helped with SO much of the planning and really helped me pull everything together, and I had the world's best matron of honor! I feel so blessed that everything went so well.

Hm... I think I'll leave the update there for now. I'll update tomorrow most likely on married life and our apartment. :) I'd rather not overwhelm/bore everyone with SO many details in one blog post. :)

Love you all! <3

It's Almost Here!

14 days to go til the wedding, and I'm soooo anxious for it to get here (good anxious, that is). I met with my dear friend Amy last night, and I told her how I'm just ready for the wedding to be over with. Not that I'm not excited for it (which I completely am), but I'm just ready to start my life with Eric and be done with long-distance forever.

Last Saturday we said our last goodbye, and even though I would normally cry over us being separated for 2 1/2 weeks, neither of us cried when I went through airport security because we were so happy that it was the last time he would be taking me to the airport without coming with me. It was such a good feeling, and I'm so looking forward to saying hello to him on June 6th and knowing that it's permanent. From that point on, being together will be normal, and being apart will be abnormal, instead of the other way around, which it is right now.

Even though it's incredibly daunting, I'm SO excited to start living life with Eric. I know that it's going to be in a new state for me, I don't really have friends yet and I don't know the people he knows nearly as well as he does, but all that really matters is that we'll be together and we'll be trusting God together. I'm so thrilled that God is allowing this to happen, and can't wait for everything to finally start.

14 days until the wedding day, and I'm SO thrilled. Things are definitely getting done and plans are coming together. Thankfully next week I have a bunch of things to do, so the week should go fairly quickly and then before you know it, Eric will be with me and we'll be finishing plans together! What a blessing....

Thank you ALL for your prayers and support for Eric and me. We've been so confident going into this marriage because we have had nothing but positive feedback from all of our trusted friends and family. We know that this is exactly where God is leading us, and while it's a little scary to think about living with one person for the rest of our lives, we're really excited about it. :) We know that there will definitely be ups and downs, but we know that God is good and He will get us through it.

I will definitely be updating more as the wedding gets closer and we do more things to get ready, but don't look for an update or pictures from the wedding until after the honeymoon, because I will be in Florida and DisneyWorld with my husband, livin' it up and not worrying about anything else! :)

Love you all! <3

2 Weeks and Counting.

Oh, how I wish that 2 weeks was the number of weeks until my wedding. But... it's not. However, it IS the number of weeks until I graduate from Moody! Wow... I can't believe that. I'm almost a college graduate. How did that happen? Freshman year in Spokane feels like it was just yesterday, and here I am, four years later, 21 and engaged, about to graduate. Where did the time go? What have I learned since being here at Moody?

I don't think that's an easy question to answer. And I don't even know if I can answer it right now. It's going to take time. It's going to take processing through things and the situations that I've encountered. What I do know is how I've royally screwed up in these last four years. How I have made so many blunders and mistakes it's hard to count them all. But I have also seen the hand and grace of God in my life through all of it. No matter what I do, no matter what I say, He will always accept me back with loving arms and will not condemn me for my imperfections. What do I even say to that? How do I begin to thank Him for all He has done for me?

The cool thing about God is... I don't have to. It's not a requirement. God isn't going to tell me that I mean anything less to Him or that I'm not doing enough to thank Him for everything He's given me. It's not about that. It's about His pure grace toward me, and because of His love, I am compelled to live my life in such a way that glorifies and magnifies His name, and His name alone.

I don't know exactly what lies ahead for me. I know I'm getting married and moving to Minnesota with my hubby, but that's about it. I could freak out about it, and I definitely have in the past. But the beauty of it all is that God has never failed to provide for my needs. Even when I don't feel like He's providing enough... He is. And abundantly so. Though it will be very easy in the future to worry about finances, friends, and everything else in life, I know that I can trust my God in any and all circumstances, that He knows what He's doing, and He has my best interests at heart.

I love my Lord. And I want to spend my whole life serving Him because He has been so good to me.