100th Post. Wow.

Wow, my 100th blogpost, that's kinda crazy. I actually wish that I had more posts than that right now, just because I love writing so much. I don't do it nearly as much as I'd like to just because I'm so busy a lot of the time, and I can't process everything that I'm thinking. Thus, my blogs tend to be much longer because I have, like the movie Mean Girls says, "Word Vomit." I keep everything in for so long that it just ends up spewing out onto here without much thought - which right now, makes the title of my blog very ironic. For everyone's sake and since I feel like being nice because it's my 100th post, I'll break it up into sections. So... Here goes.


Reflections on my Internship:

Sooner or later (probably later) I'm going to write a post about everything that I did on my internship this summer, just because I told people I would keep them updated on here, and I really didn't do such a hot job of that. But for now, I'll just talk about the things I learned. That may be a bit backwards, but I don't really care so much at the moment. :) Okay. Sarcasm finished.

So, for lack of a better analogy, this summer was a total emotional rollercoaster, filled with TONS of highs (Being with Eric, doing fun things with the students), and lows (having conflicts with other interns, being stressed and behind on my Bible study). Because it was so up and down all the time, I really learned a lot, and I learned different things than I expected to. I expected to learn how to do youth ministry and how to teach a Bible study. While yes, I did learn those things, those weren't the main things I learned. Probably the biggest thing I learned was how to work through conflicts with people that you're on a team with, especially if you have two totally different viewpoints on what the ministry should look like and be about. It's different and difficult to work with these people, but I realized, especially after the internship was over, that they have just as much of a right to work in the ministry as I do. Bummer that I had to figure that out afterwards, right? But yeah, it's definitely not easy to work with people that you disagree with, but since we are the body of Christ, we are called to be united with each other and to work together for a single purpose and cause. If we don't, then everything falls apart and we are no longer working for the cause of Christ. I wish I had figured this out earlier... Because I definitely experienced the falling apart end of things. Oh well.. Lesson learned.

On a personal level, I learned that it's A LOT different dating someone in real life than it is at Moody (please remember that, Moody students!). It was so strange to be living 15 minutes away (so far) from Eric all summer, and yet I still saw him every day (a habit that was formed at Moody and was pretty much impossible to break). It was really difficult to learn how a relationship functions outside of the Moody environment. I wish we had known that going into the summer, but I guess that's a lesson learned as well. Now unfortunately we're about to learn what a long-distance relationship looks like, and that's going to be incredibly difficult. However, I'm trying to go into it with a strong head on my shoulders and know that I'm going to cry a lot, but in the end it's going to be totally worth it.

Reflections on Life:

Lately I've been feeling a lot of criticism and judgment from people about my degree and what I'm going to do after I graduate. This really disheartens me and makes me really think about why I'm doing what I'm doing. So, I'm getting my degree in Biblical Languages. Basically it's just a Bible degree with languages tacked on there as an emphasis. I honestly can't do a whole lot with that degree to make money besides being a Bible teacher at a Christian school, but I've really never thought about getting paid for using my degree. Honestly. I've always just wanted a side job that pays the bills so I can do my real work, which is ministry in the church. I don't care about having a "real job" persay, but the question I have been asked a lot is, "When are you going to get a real job?" ...That sucks. That's not who I am, and that's not who I'm going to be. I don't have any moral aversion to getting paid, but I just don't really want to. That's all there is to it. I know that God is calling me into full-time ministry, and He'll provide the money that I need to live on. I may not live "comfortably" or have very many extras in life, but all I need is enough money so that I can survive. I don't like the judgment that I feel from people, but the truth of the matter is that this is what I truly believe my calling is, and the people who judge what I choose to do and not do just don't understand. They're not bad people, they're not rude or inconsiderate. They just don't understand.

I feel like this is what happens with the vast majority of students that attend Moody. People from the outside don't get why we'd come to a school just to study the Bible, and then go out into the world and not make any money. Our American culture is all about climbing the ladder of success and the more money you make, the more successful you are. However, that's really not how I see things. I don't care about making money. I'm not saying that I'm a better person, but that's just my perspective for my life. If I make money, then I make money. If I don't, then I don't. It's really just not a big deal to me.

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Anyway, those are my thoughts for the day, and I'm sure that now that my internship is over, I'll be blogging a lot more frequently. So... yay! You all should click the little "follow" button up top so that I know that people actually read this thing. Or comment. Yeah.. Comments are fun. :)

<3

When God Works, He WORKS.

Wow, I cannot believe the amazing and ridiculous things that have occurred within the last week. I have been surprised by God's power and might so much in the past few days that I can hardly stand it. I have never seen him work so obviously and so quickly in my life, and I am so grateful that all of this happened. Okay, here it is:

So, you all know that I have been a Women's Ministry major at school here for a couple years. Well, not anymore. Ever since I had such a huge issue trying to find an internship with that major I started thinking about changing my major. I didn't really think about it seriously until a couple weeks ago when I really started to research it. I realized that I would have to take a couple extra classes online and I would have to CLEP a few classes, but I knew that I was completely willing to do that in order to change my major, take the classes that I actually wanted to take, and do an internship that I would actually enjoy. I already knew that the Bible department head was okay with me switching, so I just needed to meet with the Pastoral department head to see if he was alright with it. He was, and so he signed my Change-Of-Major form, I took it to Academic Records, and the next day (Tuesday) I found out that I am now officially a Biblical Languages major! But wait, it gets better.

So, right after I turned in my form for the major change, Eric told me that his youth pastor had previously been looking for interns with the youth group for the summer. After I found out that everything had gone through, I called him up, and we decided that I would be going to Minnesota this summer to be an intern! So even though I thought that I was going to go home for the summer and work, God made the door of opportunity WIDE open, and I just had to walk through! And just wait, it gets better. Almost simultaneously as I found out that it was official that I would be working at the church this summer, my friend Heather texted me to tell me that her parents want to have me live with them while I'm an intern! Let me tell you, all of this was almost too much for me to handle. But that's not all that happened.

So, as you can tell, Eric are not going to be long-distance this summer as we had previously thought. This would not have worked out for all of this to have happened earlier in the semester because of where our relationship was. But the weekend prior to all of this happening we made a total shift in our relationship and are on a completely new and amazing level, which means that we are both totally comfortable with and excited about the fact that we're going to be together all summer.

And oh yes, there's more. After I informed my parents that I would not be spending the summer at home but would be living in Minnesota, my dad asked me if Eric would be interested in coming to Florida with us after graduation before we drive to Minnesota together. I didn't really think all that seriously about it, but decided I'd ask Eric if he'd like to go just for kicks. He actually was really interested in it, and decided that he wanted to go. Both sets of parents were in total favor of it, and even decided to help him pay for the majority of his expenses. So, not only are we going to spend the summer together, but he's also coming with my family and me to DisneyWorld!

Needless to say, this past week was incredibly overwhelming, and God's work throughout it was just completely obvious, wonderful, and almost unbelievable. I am now a total believer in the fact that God really does have perfect timing, and that he knows without a doubt what he is doing. He's never surprised by anything, but will wait until the circumstances and situations are perfect until he decides to make a big move.

Thank you God for this incredible opportunity. I don't deserve it, but I am so glad and blessed that you chose to reveal yourself in this way.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

Oh, the Possibilities.

Okay so... I haven't updated this in a while. This pertains to my internship this summer. I know that I talked before about the possibility of doing my internship here in Chicago, but I actually just got off the phone with a woman who works for Friendship Church in Minnesota, and it's looking like that's a good possibility! There would need to be a little tweaking on the requirements, but I don't think it'll be too much. I would be doing my internship in an 8-week period there, and would hopefully be living with the parents of a girl on my floor. Please be in prayer with me about this, as I am probably going to start looking at more options, just in case this one doesn't work out. It would definitely be wonderful if this church worked out, but I'm not exactly sure what's going to happen.

Now on to other things.... Oh man. It feels like forever since I've updated, even though it really hasn't been. Where do I begin? Well... It feels like I'm already drowning this semester, things have been so crazy. I had no idea that having 18 credits my Junior year would be this intense, but it really is. I'm excited to see what God does through everything though, and how he decides to use what I'm learning. I love all my classes, so that definitely makes things A LOT better.

As far as my personal life goes, things have been so great. I've been able to really connect with good friends, and spend as much time with them as I can in the midst of such a busy schedule. I've made new friends, deepened my relationships with old friends, and things have just been smooth for the most part! God has been so good. I even have had a smooth road for the most part in relation to the opposite sex! Haha. Without divulging much information, I went on a date this past weekend and we spent the majority of the weekend together, but after talking last night, this guy told me that he isn't sure yet what he wants, but he will let me know when he figures it out. So I figure that I'll just give him some space and let him sort through things. And I really feel like I'm okay with whatever the outcome is. If he wants to pursue something then I'm definitely not opposed to it, but if it's just a friendship thing, that's completely great too. I really have a heart to do what God wants for me, and I don't want to try and force things that aren't from Him.

God has really just given me a peace lately about my life and that He knows what He's doing. I may not completely understand it, but God always has and always will have the best plan for my life, and it's just up to me to trust Him. Today in chapel was such an encouragement toward that. We sang a song that I had never sung before, but it was simply amazing. It said:

Be the center of our lives

Be the place we fix our eyes

Be the center of our lives

And You're the center of the universe

Everything was made in You, Jesus

Breath of everything living thing

Everyone was made for you

You hold everything together

You hold everything together

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That is SO convicting, and SO true. Jesus needs to be the center of my life. It shouldn't be an option. Yet, so many times I put my hopes and my desires in front of Him, instead of giving them up entirely to Him and letting Him deal with them as He wants. I just need to trust that He has everything under control, and He's not going to let me slip through His fingers. God is good and gracious, and He is the ultimate provider for everything I need. For example, I was just talking with the women's ministry leader at this church, and she talked about how they may not be able to pay me this summer because it's not even figured into their budget, but it's okay. I know that if it's what God wants me to do, He will provide. Even if I have to get support for the summer, I will do it.

Please continue to keep me in your prayers as I try to understand what God wants me to do this summer, and more importantly that I will trust Him with whatever direction He decides to take me in. Our God is so good, and I just want His will to be done. I have my own desires and my own plans, but ultimately it's his plans that really matter.