My First Love.

Upon hearing that title, you'd probably think that I would be devoting this post to Eric. However, that's not true. As much as I love Eric and am thrilled to be spending the rest of my life with him, he is not my first love. I so often forget that, and I wish I wouldn't. My first love is my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Without Him, I am nothing.

So often I get caught up in my day-to-day life, and I just forget about my Love. I forget to talk to Him, forget to read His Word, forget to thank Him for the grace He's given me in my life. It's so true when the Bible says if we draw near to God, then He will draw near to us. If I'm being honest, I would say that in recent weeks, it has been rare for me to meet with my Lord one-on-one and really devote a good amount of time with Him. Because of that, I have seen myself growing dry and hungry. My spiritual food and drink wasn't there. In the past couple of days though, I have tried to go back into the routine of meeting with Him, and I can't even explain to you the difference that I have seen in my life. While it sucks to see sin in my life revealed to me, the fullness of meeting with my Savior is incomparable.

He is my Love. He is the One who rescued me from the pit and loved me enough to call me His child. There is no way that I could ever deserve this love, grace, and mercy that He has given to me. Who am I, that He should be mindful of me? I am but a speck of dust, here today and gone tomorrow. In the grand scheme of things in this world, I am nothing. The world definitely doesn't revolve around me, and really doesn't care that I'm here. (For explanation, I know that I have people in my life who care about me. I'm referring to the world in general). But yet here is my Lord, who came down from heaven as a man, died, and was resurrected for the sins of the whole world. And even if it was only for me, if I was the only sinner on earth, He would have still come down. That just boggles my mind, and I don't deserve it at all. Yet through my constant turning from Him, He is still there, and still ready and willing to welcome me back with open arms. I will never do too much against Him that He will stop loving me. His love is unconditional, which also makes it unfathomable. I am saved, and not because of my own doing, but simply because... He Loves Me.

Great is the Lord, and worthy of glory

Great is the Lord, and worthy of praise

Great is the Lord, now lift up your voice

Now lift up your voice

Great is the Lord

Goodbye, 2010. Helloo, 2011.

So, it's New Year's Eve. 2010 went so quickly, that's for sure. It's definitely been an interesting and eventful year. I began the year meeting a wonderful friend who introduced me to the man who is now the love of my life. I finished out my Junior year of college and went to DisneyWorld, did my internship in Minnesota, started my Senior year, got engaged, became an aunt, got sick and haven't been able to finish my first semester, and now here we are. I've done well in classes, done poor in classes, done some things right and some things very wrong.

I think this has been a year where I have made, or at least noticed that I've made, some of the biggest mistakes of my life. I have been mean and rude to people, I have said and done things that I shouldn't have, and through it all.... God has been good. He is incredibly good to me, and I have been blessed beyond measure. This past semester especially, I have realized what amazing people God has placed in my life. No matter what happens, no matter what stupid things I do, no matter how sick I get, I know that God is looking out for me, and He has the best plans for my life. He is so good and merciful to me through all of the situations that I absolutely mess up all the time.

I'm ending this year with some regrets, but ultimately knowing that even though I am messed up beyond measure, God has saved me and He is sanctifying me, no matter how long it's taking and how little of steps I have to take.

And now... I look forward. 2011 is coming, and it is a year that I have been waiting for for a long time. It's the year that I graduate college, and more importantly, it's the year that I get married. I am so ready to be out of school, and I am so absolutely in love with Eric Pegors, and I am so excited to becoming Bethany Pegors. :) Bethany Pegors.... I like that. It has a nice ring to it. I'm so excited to be a wife and to live in Minnesota with my husband with our own place.

I'm looking forward to learning what God has to teach me about Himself in the coming year. I'm sure it's going to be a challenging year, especially next semester -- taking 18 credits when I'm just ready to be done, working, and planning my wedding at the same time. I've never been a person to shy away from what's difficult though, so I will face this year head-on, knowing that I have a God who loves me unconditionally, will never leave me, and is incredibly merciful toward me, and a wonderful fiancé -- soon to be husband -- who will be with me no matter what, through thick and thin, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health.

I thank God already for 2011, and for the blessings that I already know He's given and is going to give to me. And no matter what happens, He is in control, and He knows what He's doing.

As far as New Year's resolutions go, I don't think I'm going to make any. I have plenty enough that I have to do for the wedding: guest list, save-the-dates, invitations, cake flavors, flowers, music, lose weight, etc. etc. If I tried to do anything else, I think I'd go crazy. I'll have plenty of new experiences to keep me occupied this whole year, so I think I'm going to just be satisfied with that.

So, 2011, I welcome you with open arms. Let's make this year a fun one. :)

My Affections, My Obsession.

I had an epiphany last night. What's funny is that it's nothing new. My epiphany was simply this: that when I feel the desire and "need" to be with someone, that I shouldn't make a person the object of my affections, but God and God alone. I've done the complete opposite so many times. I have tried to fix my problem by fixated my emotions and longings on one person, and this is a habit that I have to destroy. My obsession needs to be for Jesus Christ. I need to be wholly devoted to Him and what He wants for me - not what I want for myself. I need to strive every day to do His will and I need to know that He knows what's best for me.

No matter what, God needs to be my love and my obsession. I shouldn't ever settle for anything less.