Thursday, February 18, 2010

Age of Discovery.

I've been thinking a lot lately about my age, and the place I'm at in life. What I've realized is that right now, here in this place, is the perfect time for God to be molding me more and more into what He wants me to become. Now, this is not saying that in a different time of life God can't change me or that I won't change, but there is something significant about being my age. I've been told over and over again that the ages between 18 and 22 are when you change the most, and I definitely have to agree with that. I am most certainly a completely different person than I was when I was in high school. While there are aspects of who I was that I sometimes wish I could get back, for the most part I am completely satisfied with who I am becoming. I am falling more in love with my Savior every day, and He is shaping and molding me more to His likeness.

I think too many times I take where I'm at for granted, and I don't stop to think about the amazing opportunity that God has given me. Here I am, at a world-renowned school where I am blessed to be learning from some of the best professors out there, and yet I still find room to complain about life and my classes. Yes, there are definitely a few useless classes out there, such as Lifetime Fitness and Self-Defense (well, obviously self-defense is not useless, but the class is). But even my good classes I've found room to complain about. Yes, some of the professors require way too much homework, but it's ultimately my choice how I decide to respond and what my attitude is. I chose to go to this school. I put in the time and effort to apply and be accepted here, and yet I always forget that. Why can't we just be satisfied completely in the places we are at? I guess that's just what happens when we have to deal with our fallen nature.

I should also be thrilled at the opportunity to change in so many different ways at this age. And while I am excited about it, there's still a part of me that wishes that there wasn't such a whirlwind around me all the time. Sometimes I just wish that I could just be. Does that make sense? Instead of constantly looking inward at myself and wondering why I do the things I do and why I am the way that I am, I just want to be myself and enjoy life. It's a good thing to be introspective though, I think. If we lose the ability to do that, then we have essentially lost the ability to allow God to work in and through us.

The college years are so crucial in shaping who we are to become later on in life, and I think that it's very important to be aware of that. Who are we setting ourselves up now to become later on in life? Are we self-focused, or are we others-focused? Are we organized in getting things done on time, or do we procrastinate until the last possible moment? Are we good stewards of our time and money?

Most importantly: Do we pursue our own happiness and desires, or do we fully pursue our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ? What is it that we are pursuing now that will affect us later in life? Too many times we are so "in-the-now" and present-focused that we do not look to the future and realize how our actions now will affect us later on.

Trust me, I am first in all of these mistakes and screw-ups. I am far from perfect and have messed up so many times that it would take me forever to explain them all to you. But what I do know is that I do desire that my God would change my heart to become more like His, and that He would break me in such a way that I have to fully fall into His arms. He has already done this so many times, and I am so grateful that He is showing me more and more who He is every day. I can only hope and pray that I will continue to pursue Him and His righteousness for the rest of my life.

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