Wow, I can't believe how quickly this semester went. It's pretty ridiculous, actually. I feel as though I just got here a little while ago, and now it's already time to leave for Christmas break. And I have to say... I'm not really upset by that fact.
To be completely honest, this has been the worst semester that I have ever had. So many things have happened in my life that makes me want to crawl in a hole and not come out for a very, very long time. Part of those things have been my fault, but I can't blame myself for everything that has happened.
It's these kinds of situations (losing friendships/relationships) that make it really difficult for me to trust God. Does He really have the best for me? Does He really know what He's doing? The question is of course yes, He does. He's God, after all. But for some reason, I just have such a difficult time trusting Him when I'm going through one of the most trying times that I have ever experienced. It's like I have all this head-knowledge, but not the heart-knowledge that God is good and knows what He's doing, and it's the hardest thing in the world to make that transfer of knowledge from the head to the heart.
I wish I could end this on a happy note and say "God is good" or "I'm getting through it." But honestly, those are just cliche Christian answers that people give so that no one will see how much they're really hurting. I don't want to do that, because sometimes you just can't pretend like everything's okay when it's really not.
I'm thankful for the upcoming break from school. Hopefully it'll give me a chance to clear my head and remember who God is. I'll be spending a few days alone at my sister's place because she and her husband are going to California, and I'm really looking forward to that. I'm really desperate for time with God so we can sort things out.
Please pray for me. While I have friends to talk to in order to help me push through, it's still not easy and I'm still struggling.