That question absolutely scares me to death. I have NEVER thought of myself as someone who could be called to be a missionary. Now, here's my thing: I don't want this sudden desire to be coming just from the hype of Missions Conference. This is why I'm really treading lightly. However, there are threads that have gone throughout my life that have made me think that I very possibly could be called, but I'm just now realizing it. But like I said, it's definitely something that I need to pray about.
Anyway, here are some things that have made me start thinking about the mission field. I have always loved Europe. I don't know if it's because it's always romanticized or whatever, but there's always been a drawing towards Europe for me. Last year at Missions Conference I went to a couple of sessions put on by Greater Europe Mission, but I didn't really think much about it. Then after Missions Conference my dad talked to me about a couple that they had met that worked at the headquarters in Monument, Colorado and they were looking for women to work with other women in London. I turned it down and didn't really think about it. And now this year again GEM is here and I have gone to all of their sessions. Each time I've gone, I've felt more and more excitement about what God may have in store for me, but more and more apprehension at the same time. And something that makes me apprehensive is the fact that I have had multiple people throughout my life ask me if I'm interested in missions, and then tell me that I should consider it.
If my point hasn't gotten across before, I am TERRIFIED to go overseas for a long period of time. But maybe that's just another reason why I should. I'm not a Christian so that I can feel "comfortable" and stay in my little box forever. I am a Christian so that I can follow God no matter where He may lead.
This brings me to another apprehension: I'm single. This fact does not really bode well for me if I were to go into missions. Sure, God can do anything and He definitely could bring someone along, but if I were to be a single missionary there is a very real possibility that I will always be a single missionary. This leads me into thinking that God could very well be asking me if I really am willing to follow Him anywhere, no matter what. Am I willing to go completely on faith with the possibility of denying myself of one of my deepest desires so that I can follow and serve Him?
I would like to sound really spiritual and answer "yes." But in order for me to do that right now, I would have to lie. I cannot with a completely clear conscience say that I would follow God that far. Sure, I can easily say that if God gives me someone before I go over there then I will be more than happy to serve Him overseas. But to tell Him that I will go even if that means staying single forever... Well, that's about the most difficult thing for me. Any other decision that I may make in my life seems as though it would be a piece of cake in comparison to that decision.
Faith is a huge theme that God is teaching me right now. This may be one of those things that He's trying to develop within my heart. I don't know where it will lead, but all I know is that I'm pretty sure I've just moved into a season of pretty serious prayer and really seeking God's direction and will.
God, give me ears to hear what You have to say, discernment to know that it's really You, and the courage to follow You, even when I may want to run the opposite direction.