Oh So Lonely....

Have you ever felt lonely, even though you're surrounded by tons of people? That's exactly how I'm feeling right now. I'm around people all the time, and lots of people know who I am. But all the relationships with those people are completely superficial. I just don't feel like I have many real friendships here. I feel as though if I stopped trying so hard with people, I would completely disappear... Besides people that I work in ministry with, I don't know if people would really notice if I were gone.

I hate that feeling. Because I should know that it's not true.I should know that people care about me. I just... don't right now. I don't see the evidence of it, and maybe that's because I'm just blinded. I don't know.

I just feel alone. And the pat, cliche answer of God always being there for us doesn't really help. It's just such an easy answer for everyone to give. But I just want some friends. Why are they so hard to find? I don't want superficial relationships anymore. I want deep, meaningful ones. Why is no one interested in a deep friendship with me? It just baffles me.

Ugh. I wish I didn't feel like this. I wish I could just be happy all the time. Maybe it's the weather getting to me... I don't know. We'll see how the next few days play out, I suppose.