When I Get Distracted.

Life is messy. Life is hard. Life is distracting.

I get distracted so often, and this song always pulls me back into focus. Our pastor had a great message today on Romans 8, and that no matter what... no matter the hardships or the suffering, God is there. He wants to comfort us and bring us into His arms, and He wants to make us His own.

All my delight is in You, Lord.



I will live to bring Him praise.

I Just Don't Understand.

You know, sometimes I just don't understand why horrible things happen to people. People who seem to be really kind and caring. I know that everyone is a sinner and does bad things, but there just seems to be something so unfair about really nice girls having horrible things happen to them, and then developing mental disorders because of those traumatic experiences that weren't even their fault.

I know that God knows what He's doing and He has the world under control, but there are just some things I can't figure out.

What about the nice, good girl who gets raped? What about the good guy who gets horribly beaten and sent to the hospital? What about the little kids who have to grow up without a mother because their dad murdered her? What about the woman who has not only one miscarriage, but 3, 4, 5...?

I know that this is gruesome, but these things really happen. All the time.

My heart cries for justice.

My heart cries for God to hear the broken and bruised.

For God to physically intervene and save these people.

Ugh. I just don't understand sometimes (I hate not having all the answers).

Life is a journey, NOT the destination.

A few weeks ago I posted a blog titled, "Forgiveness and Resentment", talking about the people who have hurt me in the past and how difficult it has been to forgive them. Along those same lines (referring to those people), I have really done a lot of thinking lately, and come to realizations through different situations and circumstances in my life.

Let me explain.

When I was really hurt, part of that hurt made me question what my purpose in life was a,nd why I was going to Moody, and even why I was with Eric (like I didn't deserve the life that I had with him). It has been a really long journey filled with pain and tear. The pain that came from what happened a year ago is still very present with me, and has really been difficult to try and overcome. However, I really feel as though I'm on the other side and I'm beginning to see the hope from what happened.

Through meeting with certain people in my life, I have been so encouraged that though I definitely made mistakes in the situations which hurt me the most, I also did whatever I could to try and make things right. Also, just because I made these mistakes doesn't mean that I'm not fit for ministry or doing well in life. It just simply means that I'm not perfect. Though I struggle to see it sometimes (or often) I am coming to realize that God can use me in the midst of my imperfections and failings. 

One of the biggest things I have come to realize is that I don't always have to rely on the opinions of others. Whether it is their opinion of me or the fact that they have a different perspective, I don't need to take that opinion and treat it as right simply because it's their opinion. I need to be wise and discerning about what I allow to actually make a difference to me when it comes to people's opinions (especially their opinions of my character).

Now, don't get me wrong: This doesn't mean that I think I should only listen to the good things that people think and say about me, but rather take what people say as criticism and line it up with either what I've done or said, and see if maybe what they've said truly is a weakness of mine.

For example, a year ago I had my integrity called in to question. Because I wasn't discerning, I let this person's opinion of me rule my heart and mind and I began to wonder who I really was if I didn't have the integrity that I thought I did. Once I thought about it clearly and objectively however, I realized that I did have integrity in that specific situation, and this person just saw me completely wrong and misinterpreted the situation without understanding my perspective and my own situation at the time. 

God really is teaching me and growing me so much. I have learned so much about what it means to follow Him and how it's okay not to be perfect and to make mistakes. When I was right in the heart of all my mess, one thing that Eric told me really stuck with me. He said that it doesn't matter what mistakes I made; it matters what I did afterwards to make it right. Though the people that I tried to reconcile with did not accept it... It doesn't matter. That's their decision, and I can't change it. All I can do is change my behavior, so that I know that I can stand before the Lord with a clear conscience, knowing that I did whatever I could to make things right.

My dear readers, we don't have to be perfect. We aren't called to be perfect. We are called to take each day one step at a time, steadily becoming more like Christ. 

Did you hear that? We don't have to be like him right now. This life is a process. It's a journey - not the destination. We are going to make mistakes, and we are going to hurt people, be hurt, and feel like we can't do a single thing right. 

But. 

We will never get to a point where we are no longer acceptable to God. We will never reach a point where we have made too many mistakes for God to take us back again. He will always take us back, with arms wide open. 

Friends, if you believe in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, you will always have this hope available to you. God will never leave you, nor forsake you. And my dear friends who may not believe, you can have this hope available to you, if "you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead." (Romans 10:9) It is through this belief that we are saved and we can have eternal life with the One who rescued us from eternal punishment.

And like my beloved husband said, 

It doesn't matter the mistakes we make - what matters is how we make things right.

Bible Boredom.

[Well, picture #2 wins! Not that I got a lot of responses on my question.. But I understand. This whole changing my blog every other day is getting pretty annoying. I wish I could find something that just looked completely amazing and had everything that I could want. *sigh* Well, until then, I guess my blog is going to be a work in progress.]

Anyhoo... 

I have a confession to make. I rarely spend any time reading my Bible. Seriously, it's pretty sad. Anybody else have that problem? Gosh, I always have these high hopes and dreams that I'll read it every day and I'll make it so important, and then... I decide to read Harry Potter or another such book instead, because it's more "entertaining."

However, God definitely has His own way of getting our attention, doesn't He? The way it seems that He's chosen to get my attention is through none other than... insomnia. Yes. Insomnia.

Ugh.

Okay. So, the past week or so I have just been sleeping horribly, and last night was the worst. Neither Eric (he had other reasons for not being able to sleep) nor I were able to sleep, and it was just brutal. So, I decide to pick up my Bible for the first time in probably 3 weeks or more and actually read it. I read through the book of Philippians (short book, easy read) and I read Psalm 145.

After reading that Psalm, I thought to myself... How can I be reading about this amazing God right now and be so in awe of Him, and then the next day just completely push Him to the side? ...The depravity of my sinful nature is almost unfathomable.

Unfortunately, I don't have any simple solutions or amazing breakthroughs in this post. Just thoughts... questions... confessions. I truly want to get into Scripture and grow deeper in my relationship with Christ, but it's definitely not easy - especially when I don't *feel* like reading my Bible, and I'd rather be reading something else.

Well, I guess that's it for now. Here's Psalm 145 for you guys to mull over if you'd like. God is pretty stinkin' awesome.


Psalm 145

 I will exalt you, my God the King;
   I will praise your name for ever and ever.
Every day I will praise you
   and extol your name for ever and ever.
  Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise;
   his greatness no one can fathom.
One generation commends your works to another;
   they tell of your mighty acts.
They speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty—
   and I will meditate on your wonderful works.
They tell of the power of your awesome works—
   and I will proclaim your great deeds.
They celebrate your abundant goodness
   and joyfully sing of your righteousness.
  The LORD is gracious and compassionate,
   slow to anger and rich in love.
  The LORD is good to all;
   he has compassion on all he has made.
All your works praise you, LORD;
   your faithful people extol you.
They tell of the glory of your kingdom
   and speak of your might,
so that all people may know of your mighty acts
   and the glorious splendor of your kingdom.
Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
   and your dominion endures through all generations.
   The LORD is trustworthy in all he promises
   and faithful in all he does.
The LORD upholds all who fall
   and lifts up all who are bowed down.
The eyes of all look to you,
   and you give them their food at the proper time.
You open your hand
   and satisfy the desires of every living thing.
  The LORD is righteous in all his ways
   and faithful in all he does.
The LORD is near to all who call on him,
   to all who call on him in truth.
He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;
   he hears their cry and saves them.
The LORD watches over all who love him,
   but all the wicked he will destroy.
  My mouth will speak in praise of the LORD.
   Let every creature praise his holy name
   for ever and ever.

PS - Over 5,000 views! Wow... I can't believe it. Thanks for reading my blog, friends. :)

Another survey!

I know, I know... I'm starting to get obnoxious with my surveys and polls. HOWEVER...

I need your help.

Today I made two possible signs for my blog (yes, I'm changing it again, but this time hopefully it'll be more permanent. I've just never found one that has actually satisfied me. My coffee blog is the only one I'm satisfied with.) I would really like to have your input on which one you like better! Please comment and let me know what you think.

Here they are:

#1.

#2.

Thanks guys! I really appreciate your input. :) If you have any other ideas of how I can make them better, let me know that as well! Thanks again!  <3

Poll and Life. :)

Hey guys! This is my first time updating my personal blog in a long time. ...I've missed it. It's fun blogging about coffee, but I really like just being able to write.

So anyway... Life is going pretty well. My friends are starting to go back to school now, and it's really weird to think that I'm not going back. Am I really done with campus life? It just feels so strange. There's even a part of me that feels like I'm not ready for it to be over - college was such an amazing experience for me.

However.. I'm definitely glad to be in the place I'm at right now. :) I'm adjusted to Minnesota now, and I kinda like the guy I'm married to. ;)

Speaking of my husband... You may have noticed that there is now a poll on the side of the page. If you would be so kind as to answer the question honestly, that would be much appreciated. :) You see, Eric and I have been in a heated debate about what the "normal" place to clip your nails is, and we want to know what you guys think! :) (I know... stupid, boring married debates, but humor us, please) :)

If you haven't moseyed on over to my other blog yet, please do! It's under this button. ;)

Thanks, guys. Love you all! :)

PS - Here's a random picture from our life. We made a breakfast feast last week for the first time on our griddle, and it was so much fun! :)

READ THIS!

Okay guys:

I know this has been super confusing, but after I changed the address to my blog and started blogging away on a new one, I realized that I and no one else could access my old blogs! That was really unfortunate, since I have 3 years worth of old blogs on here.

So here's the deal:

I actually had an old blog on another address, so I just fixed it up, and it looks like my coffee blog! So please follow me on that one! I know I have 19 followers on here, but I'm hoping you'll transfer to the other one as well. Thanks guys!

Here's the link: http://buddingbarista.blogspot.com.

Thanks again!

Blessings And A Bit Of Sap.

Hey guys -

So, today I'm doing things a little bit differently again. I'm gonna write out some thoughts, and THEN I've got a video that I'm gonna post (beware, it's super sappy, for those of you who don't like cheesy lovey stuff...).

Here goes.

I met with a friend today after I got off of work, and one thing we talked a lot about was how incredibly blessed we are here in America. We talked about our different experiences in other countries (my experiences in Mexico and Peru and hers in Guatemala) and how those people over there have almost nothing, and yet are most often 20x more content than we are here in America. They are so willing to give of their time and the little resources that they have even though they have almost nothing, and yet here we are in America with so much to give... and we keep it all for ourselves.

I know that I'm guilty of that SO often. I just want more and  more (especially when it comes to money) and I'm so hesitant to give anything away. I take everything that I have for granted, and am hardly ever actually grateful for anything that I have. Why do I do this, even though I have so much and can easily give of my time and resources to other people?

When I ask myself that question I can only come up with one answer - I am totally, utterly, and completely sinful. I am such a selfish human being, and sometimes it has to take everything that I have within myself to actually be selfless. And often times... I don't want to make that effort.

So.... I'm making a pledge. I want to be more grateful, more willing to give away my time and resources, and not take my blessings for granted. Obviously I'm not going to be perfect at it. I'm going to screw up, I'm going to take the people in my life for granted, I'm going to be stingy with my money and free time... But the point is that I want to try. I want to try to be different in how I live my life. I don't want to live selfishly, but rather I want to live selflessly as best as I can. ...We'll see how well I do at it.

Okay. So now.... for the sappy part. Last week I decided to learn the song "You Got Me" by Colbie Caillat (Yes, it's a super sappy song). I sung it for Eric, and now I'm going to post a video of me singing it on my blog, because.... well... I can. Trust me, you are under NO obligations to listen to it! I just have a desire to show people how much I love my husband and how much he means to me. So this is one way that I want to do that. I know that it's really cheesy, but... I don't really care. Y'all can take your cold hearts somewhere else if you're grossed out by it. ;) Just kidding! I understand that people are different, but anybody who knows me even a little bit knows that I'm a hopeless romantic. So... here's the video. :) Oh, and I DO realize that it gets pitchy in parts. Don't judge -- no one's perfect, and I had just learned the song that day. So there. =P Love you all! :) (Oh, I DO apologize for the quality. I'm hoping to get a better camera in the future...)

Eric Pegors - You are the biggest blessing in my life. Through all of my screw ups and failings, you still choose to love me every day, and I can't thank you enough for that. I don't deserve you, but God has blessed me with you anyway-- I am immensely grateful for that. Thank you for being the man that you are. I am so glad to have had these 18 months with you as your girlfriend, fiancee, and now your wife, and I'm looking forward to a lifetime more with you. Love you. :) <3