Life is a journey, NOT the destination.

A few weeks ago I posted a blog titled, "Forgiveness and Resentment", talking about the people who have hurt me in the past and how difficult it has been to forgive them. Along those same lines (referring to those people), I have really done a lot of thinking lately, and come to realizations through different situations and circumstances in my life.

Let me explain.

When I was really hurt, part of that hurt made me question what my purpose in life was a,nd why I was going to Moody, and even why I was with Eric (like I didn't deserve the life that I had with him). It has been a really long journey filled with pain and tear. The pain that came from what happened a year ago is still very present with me, and has really been difficult to try and overcome. However, I really feel as though I'm on the other side and I'm beginning to see the hope from what happened.

Through meeting with certain people in my life, I have been so encouraged that though I definitely made mistakes in the situations which hurt me the most, I also did whatever I could to try and make things right. Also, just because I made these mistakes doesn't mean that I'm not fit for ministry or doing well in life. It just simply means that I'm not perfect. Though I struggle to see it sometimes (or often) I am coming to realize that God can use me in the midst of my imperfections and failings. 

One of the biggest things I have come to realize is that I don't always have to rely on the opinions of others. Whether it is their opinion of me or the fact that they have a different perspective, I don't need to take that opinion and treat it as right simply because it's their opinion. I need to be wise and discerning about what I allow to actually make a difference to me when it comes to people's opinions (especially their opinions of my character).

Now, don't get me wrong: This doesn't mean that I think I should only listen to the good things that people think and say about me, but rather take what people say as criticism and line it up with either what I've done or said, and see if maybe what they've said truly is a weakness of mine.

For example, a year ago I had my integrity called in to question. Because I wasn't discerning, I let this person's opinion of me rule my heart and mind and I began to wonder who I really was if I didn't have the integrity that I thought I did. Once I thought about it clearly and objectively however, I realized that I did have integrity in that specific situation, and this person just saw me completely wrong and misinterpreted the situation without understanding my perspective and my own situation at the time. 

God really is teaching me and growing me so much. I have learned so much about what it means to follow Him and how it's okay not to be perfect and to make mistakes. When I was right in the heart of all my mess, one thing that Eric told me really stuck with me. He said that it doesn't matter what mistakes I made; it matters what I did afterwards to make it right. Though the people that I tried to reconcile with did not accept it... It doesn't matter. That's their decision, and I can't change it. All I can do is change my behavior, so that I know that I can stand before the Lord with a clear conscience, knowing that I did whatever I could to make things right.

My dear readers, we don't have to be perfect. We aren't called to be perfect. We are called to take each day one step at a time, steadily becoming more like Christ. 

Did you hear that? We don't have to be like him right now. This life is a process. It's a journey - not the destination. We are going to make mistakes, and we are going to hurt people, be hurt, and feel like we can't do a single thing right. 

But. 

We will never get to a point where we are no longer acceptable to God. We will never reach a point where we have made too many mistakes for God to take us back again. He will always take us back, with arms wide open. 

Friends, if you believe in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, you will always have this hope available to you. God will never leave you, nor forsake you. And my dear friends who may not believe, you can have this hope available to you, if "you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead." (Romans 10:9) It is through this belief that we are saved and we can have eternal life with the One who rescued us from eternal punishment.

And like my beloved husband said, 

It doesn't matter the mistakes we make - what matters is how we make things right.

Saddened.

Wow, it has really been a long time since I've updated anything on this blog. But lately through talking with people, purusing my facebook, and hearing about things, I have become very saddened about what I see going on in the peoples' lives around me.

My heart breaks because of the choices that I see my friends and others making with their lives, but at the same time, I feel so totally helpless in the situation. What do I do? I am not at a place in anyone's life to tell them that they are making wrong decisions and they are only hurting themselves. I am seeing more and more people getting into partying, drinking, drugs, and sex, and none of it is leading anywhere good. I am finding out about more and more girls that I know who are becoming single mothers, and that absolutely frightens me for them. I am more than thrilled that these young women have decided to keep their babies, don't get me wrong. I also want to note that I am not condemning them for their choices, but I will be honest in saying that it does make me very sad at where I see my generation going.

Again, I feel very helpless in this matter. What do I do? What do I say? Do I just live my life as an example and hope for the best? Do I just hope that they will see how I'm living my life and want to be the same way? Or do I actually step out and say something to them? If so, when, how, and what do I say to them? I really do feel utterly helpless and lost in the situation. I am scared for these people.

I don't have any answers in this blog. All I'm doing is posing my questions and helplessness in cyberspace, hoping to somehow figure it out along the way. But the questions still remain. I want to help, but I don't know how, and I don't even know if it's my place. I guess that the least I can do - and the most - is to pray for them, and pray that God takes care of them and gives them the strength to do what they need to do.

I just wish there was something more that I could do.

Tales from the Freaked-Out Cat-Sitter.

So here I am, housesitting for my sister and her husband while they're away. I should have known that it was going to be "iffy" and different for me... I've never done well with being by myself at night. I normally start to think about all sorts of things and get worked up about the smallest noises in the house. Tonight is exactly one of those nights.

I was already a tad nervous as I normally am when I shut the lights off in the house, and then right when I was about to fall asleep, a loud alarm from the building across the street went off - whether it was a fluke or someone actually tried to break in, I have no idea. All I know is that this alarm ruined my night of sleep. It's 1 a.m. and I have no clue if I'm ever going to get to sleep.

I think my sister's cat is getting a little tired of my restlessness. He keeps moving and looking up at me like he's waiting for me to turn off the computer and go to sleep so that HE can go to sleep. He's still purring though, so that's a good sign. Right now he just moved from sleeping at my side to sleeping on top of me... I think he's trying to tell me something. But alas, I'm too filled with adrenaline to fall asleep. Hopefully I'll get some sleep, since I have to get up early to go to church with my parents in the morning.

... And here I did it again. Freaking out, just because I heard the heater turn on. Oh goodness, this could be a long night. On the bright side though, I think I'm realizing that I'm much more entertaining when it's late. I don't think I normally write like this, but tonight I am.

Well, I guess I'm just going to have to trust that God's going to take care of me, and everything will be all right. Will I turn off the computer yet? Um... not likely. I'm considering sleeping with the bedroom light ON tonight. We'll see what happens.

---- On a completely unrelated note... I just got done watching Julie and Julia (fabulous movie, btw) and I'm starting to realize how curious it is that you can just click "publish post," and you're basically an author. Whether your writing is wonderful or simply atrocious, it doesn't matter. People will still read what you've written and possibly comment on it. How will we know who the actually good writers are anymore if people are continuously publishing crappy things and are being told that their posts are really good by their friends who are just trying to make them feel better? Hm... I hope I'm not one of those. Anyway, I digress.

I'm going to see if I can't calm down and get some sleep... Praying through the alphabet and counting sheep are always good methods.

Goodnight.