I feel like I'm on a constant emotional rollercoaster. One day I can totally see the light and the hope that I have in Christ, and the next, I'm right back to or further away from where I started. My life has been such a whirlwind of events lately, and I don't really know what's going on. False accusations on my character, a destroyed reputation, feelings of guilt, jealousy, hurt, anger... and on top of all of that I have to place intense schoolwork and learning how to live with a long-distance relationship.
Let me tell you... It's not easy.
I know that God has called me to the place I'm at for a reason. I know that He has given me the strength that I need in order to overcome whatever I'm facing, but that doesn't exactly make things a walk in the park. Like I said, I still have my good days, but then I have my very bad days as well. I'm so grateful though for my wonderful Eric, my friends, my family, and above all, my Lord and Savior. I know that God has place the people in my life there for a reason, and I know that I have faithful friends who love me and want to see me through this.
That is a huge comfort.
I hate the fact that my posts lately have been more depressing than encouraging. I guess this is just a dark spot that I'm facing right now, but I'm trying to fight through it with everything that is in me, and cling desperately to the promises that my God has given to me. I know that He will never leave me, and He will never forsake me. I know that I may never see the results in this lifetime, but He is fighting for me, and He has ultimate purposes for everything that happens. I am so incredibly grateful to Him for His love and His mercy toward me. I don't deserve it at all.
I feel so much like David in the Psalms. If there was ever a picture of an emotional rollercoaster, the Psalms is where it's at. David is up, down, up, down, then up again. Then in the next Psalm he's right back to being down. I am finding a continual growth in dependence on the Psalms in my life for that reason, and it's really a comfort.
Though I can't see it right now, God is working in my life. Maybe He's molding me right now. Maybe He's showing me that some things in my life need to change, and even that I won't always get justice in life and things won't always be fair, but He is still God, and He is still sovereign. I guess He might just want to remind me to trust Him that He knows what He's doing.
...Ha, as I wrote that, a line in one of the songs I'm listening to said,
"You are God, and that's just the way it is."
I guess I need to remember that. Plain and simple, God is God. He's got it covered.