So, the title of my blog this round is a long one, but it is needed. What does it mean though, "Working With People Who Are Being Worked On"? It means that throughout our lives, we are going to work with people who aren't... *gasp* ...PERFECT. Each of us is still in process, and this is something that I have been learning very clearly in the past couple of days.
Recently I had a situation happen where I found out that someone I worked with in the past still harbors resentment toward me and is choosing not to forgive me for the mistakes I had made during the time we worked together. When I first learned of this, I was absolutely heartbroken, and I still am. I broke down in tears and cried for an hour or more, and I felt as though I was the worst person on earth. After I was done with that mess, I began to feel very bitter and resentful myself. How could this person do this? Why couldn't they see that I'm not a terrible person?
And then... I began to see my hypocrisy. Just like this person was choosing not to forgive me, I was doing the same thing. Now yes, the clincher here is that I saw my poor attitude and I had/have the desire to change it and the other person does not, but I HAVE always been someone who sees the flaws in my thinking fairly quickly. This does not make me better than the other person, but it just makes my thinking and the way I handle situations different.
The point here I suppose is... God works in each individual person differently, and it's not up to me to decide when that happens. I know that this other person is a believer, and so all I have to do is wait for God to work in their life. I am at peace knowing that I did everything I could to rectify the situation (and trust me, I racked my brain many, many times and I still do to see if I did anything else that needed to be fixed), and now it's in God's hands to do what He will with it.
I may never see the results of God's work in this person's life, and that needs to be okay. I was told by a couple people that I discussed this situation with that I may never see reconciliation in this matter. I may never see things "fixed." And that needs to be okay.
Oh my goodness. Do you know how hard that is for me? I am, by definition, a "fixer". So to be told that I can't fix something is one of the most difficult things for me to swallow. All I want to do is call this person, message them, do whatever I can in order to make the situation better. But the truth of the matter is that God is infinitely better than me at this kind of stuff, and I just need to leave it in his hands to do what He will with it. He has it all under control and He knows what He's doing.
Growing and learning to trust hurts a little bit.....