One more.

Well, I decided to write again, since I haven't updated everyone on my life for a while now.

Let's see... Where to begin...

Well, Eric and I have been engaged for a month and 5 days now, and it feels so crazy to think about that. :) I'm finally getting used to my ring on my finger, but I am still often very struck by how gorgeous it is and how much it sparkles. :)

While it's amazing that we're getting married and everything, I've also realized just how many misconceptions I had about engagement and about other people during the engagement period. Eric and I still have things to work through in our relationship (and I'm sure we will for the rest of our lives), but things have taken on a different tone now that both of us still have to get used to. I also thought that people would start seeing our relationship as more legitimate than when we were just boyfriend and girlfriend, but for some reason people are still so quick to make assumptions about the "termination" of our relationship. For example, I told a couple people about a really bad day that I had a few weeks ago, and when I told them that it was a really bad day, their first assumption was that either something was wrong with the engagement, or that Eric and I had called it off. I'm not really sure where that came from since I've never even remotely hinted at it, but alas, I guess people still think that we could do that.

In a way, it does make sense. I guess engagements do get called off from time to time, but Eric and I both have the same mindset that no matter what, we are in this for the rest of our lives, and for that I am grateful. The engagement was definitely a bigger decision for me than the wedding. In my opinion, the wedding is more of a formality, because I'm already totally committed to Eric in my heart. The wedding is just going to make that previous commitment official, instead of deciding to make that commitment on that day.

Speaking of the wedding, wedding plans are coming along nicely. We already have a beautiful location, we're working on our wedding website and our registry, we have the bridal party set, and I have my dress chosen! I have to wait until Christmas break to actually buy it, but I know exactly which one I want, and I'm so excited about it. During Christmas we're also going to be working on the save-the-dates and the invitations, so it's definitely going to be a very busy time with my family. I'm excited about it though, because it'll be nice to get those things done before the semester starts so I can be at least a little less stressed about everything.

I'm so excited for the wedding, and so bummed that it's still 209 days away. I'm really excited about getting into the 100s, though. I think that'll make it feel at least a little closer. :)

I guess that's about it for now. School is going well - it's winding down for the semester (or winding up, if you look at the workload) so I have a lot of stress and work with that, but I know God is faithful, and he'll give me the energy and strength to get it done. I really like that about Him.

Oh, and I was talking to Eric tonight, and I realized that I really need to learn how to cook... Anybody want to teach me or can recommend a good cookbook for me to start testing recipes? I think I'm going to have a designated night at least once a week next semester where I try a new recipe. Let me know if any of you have any suggestions. :)

<3

Comments from the Overstressed and Overwhelmed.

Do those two words mean the same thing? Mm... Probably. Oh well. I realized that it has been a while since I updated my blog, so I figured that I would go ahead and do that. To be honest though, I have been so busy with school, work, and life that I really haven't had the time to sit and contemplate things. I wish I did because I really enjoy it, but unfortunately school doesn't really allow for that right now.

I guess I do have a lot on my mind, but I don't really know what to point out at the moment. Maybe one thing to point out is how I'm struggling with prayer. I always hate how it seems like other people don't struggle with it but it comes so easy for them. That's definitely not the case for me. I have the hardest time praying because I feel so selfish praying for things that I want.

I know in my head that it's good to pray. I know that God tells us to pray for others and for the things that we want, but here's my dillemma: Who am I that I should try to approach the God of the universe to ask for something that I want? Shouldn't I just be grateful to be alive and take whatever He gives me without question? Why should I think that I deserve to receive anything from him?

I have been wrestling with these questions for such a long time now. I don't feel as though I'm worthy to ask for what I want. And I realize too that it's okay to ask for what I want as long as I'm okay with God saying no to that request. However, I really want to know if that's easy at all for ANYONE. Because frankly, as soon as I start praying about what I want I start to get my hopes up, and it just ends in disappointment because I find it to be one of the hardest things in the world to give what I want to God and then at the same time say, "Your will be done."

I don't think that I ask for too much, at least that's what I try not to do. I try to ask for the bare minimum so as not to make God think that I'm taking advantage of Him. But even as I write those things, I realize how absolutely ridiculous that sounds.

Of COURSE God wants me to ask for things from Him. That's the beauty of grace and mercy. He wants me to take advantage of that, and even take advantage of Him. But to really accept that in my heart is so incredibly difficult to do.

So now I will be thinking and praying about this further. Hm.. Praying about prayer. That's an interesting concept.