Evolution of the Swimsuit - A Response.

For anyone who has not seen the video, "Evolution of the Swimsuit," you can watch it here:

Most of you know by now that I am against the moralization of one-piece swimsuits. I am writing this response because a) a few people have asked me to, and b) because there are many, many things I disagree with this woman about.

First of all, Jessica Rey is the designer of a line of "modest" swimsuits available online, and this talk she gave was a promotion of that. In this review/response I will attempt to look at what she says in her speech and what her website shows about her belief on modesty.



1. The Itsy-Bitsy-Teeny-Weeny-Yellow-Polka-Dot-Bikini

In this video, Rey discusses this song by Bobby Darin as part of her defense as to why women should be modest. Here are the lyrics:

She was afraid to come out of the lockershe was as nervous as she could beshe was afraid to come out of the lockershe was afraid that somebody would see
Two three fourtell the people what she wore
It was an Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikinithat she wore for the first time todayan Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikiniso in the locker she wanted to stay
Two three fourstick around well tell you more
She was afraid to come out in the openso a blanket around her she woreshe was afraid to come out in the openand so she sat bundled up on the shore
Two three fourtell the people what she wore
It was an Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikinithat she wore for the first time todayan Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikiniso in the blanket she wanted to stay
Two three fourstick around well tell you more
Now she's afraid to come out of the waterand i wonder what she's gunna donow she's afraid to come out of the waterand the poor little girls turning blue
Two three fourtell the people what she wore
It was an Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikinithat she wore for the first time todayan Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikiniso in the water she wanted to stay
From the locker to the blanketfrom the blanket to the shorefrom the shore to the wateryes there isn't anymore[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/itsy-bitsy-teenie-weenie-yellow-polka-dot-bikini-lyrics-bobby-darin.html ]
From these lyrics, Rey says that the reason that the woman was struggling to come out of the dressing room and the water was because she has an "inner-sense of modesty" and knows that she should be more covered up. However, I very much disagree with this assessment. 
Throughout the song, Darin talks about how this woman was "afraid." She was afraid to come out of the dressing room, afraid to come out of the towel, and afraid to come out of the water. She was afraid someone would see her. He then goes on to "tell the people what she wore." I can find no other interpretation for these these other than she was afraid of judgment. She was afraid what people would think, what they would say, and how shocked they would be by what she wore. I don't believe at all that it was an inner-sense of modesty that this woman had - if that were the case, she wouldn't have bought the bikini in the first place.
This is what I spoke to in my previous post. We are such a judgmental culture that women are afraid to step out in public wearing something that might be considered immodest and might cause men to stumble, and that is absolutely the wrong motivation to wear certain items of clothing. Women should be able to decide for themselves what they want to wear, what they are okay with wearing, and what kinds of fashions they enjoy. (I have said this before, but I don't want to step on the toes of parents who disagree with me - whatever you teach your children is your business and your right. Children and teenagers need to follow the rules of their parents. I am strictly talking about adult women who are no longer under parental authority.)
Wearing a bikini in the 50's and early 60's was groundbreaking. People absolutely would have judged that woman for wearing what she did, especially when we remember what life was actually like for women in the 50's.



2. Life in the 50's
Rey points back to the 50's and talks about how it was a time when women were seen as "classy." She uses Audrey Hepburn as an example of what it means to be "modest" and fashionable at the same time. She goes through how women would wear long one-pieces and would change in their own "boxes" before venturing out onto the beach.
Going back to the time of the 50's as an idyllic time is astonishing to me. For the life of me, I cannot figure out why that time period is better than today. I know that many people say it was a simpler time and life was "good" back then, but here's the thing: even though women were "modest," they still weren't respected as equals.
Women had their "place" in the 50's, and it was just commonly known what a woman/wife was supposed to do and be. She was supposed to be a stay-at-home wife and mother, she was expected to clean the home, and she was supposed to have dinner ready on the table for her husband when he came home from his long day of work. 
The History Channel says,

"In fact, the booms of the 1950s had a particularly confining effect on many American women. Advice books and magazine articles (“Don’t Be Afraid to Marry Young,” “Cooking To Me Is Poetry,” “Femininity Begins At Home”) urged women to leave the workforce and embrace their roles as wives and mothers. The idea that a woman’s most important job was to bear and rear children was hardly a new one, but it began to generate a great deal of dissatisfaction among women who yearned for a more fulfilling life."

...Does that sound like equality to you? Now, hear me out: I'm not saying that women need to work in order to be equal to men, but the encouragement of women to marry young, leave work, and only stay at home is a definite sign of inequality. Equality would mean encouraging women to do what they wanted - if they didn't want to get married young, great. If they wanted to work, great. If they wanted to be stay-at-home wives and mothers, great. 
There is a reason for the feminist movement in the 60's. Women were dissatisfied with their lives and felt suppressed by society - they weren't allowed to do what they wanted, but rather were expected to stay at home. No matter how "modest" these women were, they were still treated unequally. Here are just a few ads from that time period:

3. Reaching Back to Another Time as Idyllic for Modesty
Okay. This just... What? I don't understand this. Not only was the 50's a time of inequality for women, it was also a completely different culture than we live in now. If we were to take the same kind of mentality, then why not go all the way back to this:

Honestly. THAT was "modest" in a different time-period and culture in America. If we're not satisfied with what is acceptable in our culture now, then why not go all the way back to the 1700's and 1800's? That's the slippery slope you get into with that kind of thinking. It's illogical and unsound.

Fashion and what is acceptable is completely culture.  As I have stated in previous posts, there are different cultures all over the world where different kinds of dress are culturally acceptable and unacceptable. Women cover up much more down in Haiti than on the beaches in Europe, and there are tribes in Africa where the women don't even wear tops. So what is culturally acceptable in the United States? 

Now, before we go to that place of listing out what is and isn't acceptable, remember this: There was never supposed to be a complete separation between Christianity and secular culture. The Pharisees separated themselves from the "sinners" by their legalism, and look where that landed them. Yes, we're supposed to be "in this world but not of it," but we are also called to be culturally relevant. How can we even remotely reach out to those who don't know Christ if we're constantly worried about how much fabric we or they are wearing? 

4. "It's about revealing our dignity."

Honestly, most of my responses to this video are... "What?" Jessica Rey's full quote is, "Modesty isn't about covering up our bodies because they're bad. Modesty isn't about hiding ourselves. It's about revealing our dignity."

I'm not going to give this quote much time, but...

Okay. To give Rey some credit, I'm glad that she said what modesty shouldn't be about (even though it really is), but here's my question. Where's my dignity hiding that it only comes out when I've got the right amount of fabric on my body? Does my dignity run away until I plaster 6 inches of fabric over my torso and then all of a sudden it shouts, "HEY I'M HERE." No. I am a human being. And as such, I have dignity - no matter what I'm wearing. Case Closed.

5. Have you SEEN the website? Who are these swimsuits made for, anyway?

Okay. I'm confused. I went onto the Rey Swimwear website and looked around, and not only did I find that these are not one-pieces but tankinis, they also seem to be made for rich, thin, young women. Granted, there are some swimsuits on sale for $29, but the average is $49 (plus shipping) and it goes upwards to $90 for the swimsuits that Rey talks about being inspired by Audrey Hepburn (which I'm assuming she promoted her so women would want to buy those styles - which is honestly just being a smart saleswoman). 

First off, as Dianna Anderson (a fellow Christian Feminist, and here is her website) pointed out via Twitter, tankinis are DANG hard to swim in - the tops are impossible to keep down when you're in the water, and that makes things just incredibly complicated and frustrating. 

Secondly, the sizes for these swimsuits only go to 16. There are no plus-size options. So what happens then to the women who desire to be modest but only fit into plus-sizes? They aren't good enough to buy those swimsuits. 

The point here is this: for all the talk that Jessica Rey does about how important modesty is for all women, she has a pretty narrow view of what women's body types are like and doesn't adjust accordingly so that all women who want to be modest can be. It's easy for her to think about being modest because she's tiny. However, many other women are not. Abi Bechtel responds to this kind of attitude toward plus-sized women in her blog post, "Fat, Modesty, and Eating Twinkies Naked."

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I know that there are many other topics in the video that I didn't hit on - I didn't mention the Princeton study simply because I haven't done the research required to know exactly what that's about (even though I know there are too many variables in that study for me to consider it credible and I completely disagree with surveying only men in their early 20's). I also partly didn't go into everything because I'm a week out of major surgery and I'm tired. I only have so much energy to be angry about so many things (haha).
All of this being said though, I am very disappointed to see so many people loving this video. I think it appeals to all those who already agree with Modesty Culture so this is something they can point to in order to say, "Aha! See, SCIENCE!" Unfortunately though, actual critical thinking really hasn't been involved on this. 
I am desperate for people to actually think critically about the things they see and hear. We so often read and watch things that we agree with and fail to interact with it on an intellectual level. Instead we like what we hear, so we automatically hit "share" on Facebook and Twitter. We refuse to actually have intelligent discussions on matters like these but instead stomp our feet and point the finger at those who disagree with us (I know it's true, because I unfortunately do it all the time). 
Please, friends. Please think critically about these things. Please don't just look at your own side of the debate - interact and discuss with those you disagree with, and maybe we'll find understanding and stop judging one another.
I invite discussion on all my posts. I really do. I want people to tell me what they think (in an intelligent and respectful way) so that we can talk about it with each other. That's the only way this discussion/debate is going to get anywhere and the only way we are going to have peace even in our disagreements. 

*For the record, I don't care what you decide to wear to the beach/pool. If you want to wear a one-piece, tankini, bikini, speedo, etc., I honestly don't care. Because the way I perceive it, the only thing that is culturally unacceptable in the United States is going nude. So whatever you decide to wear, wear it. And wear it confidently. 


**Also, I've noticed some passive-aggressiveness towards me on my Facebook in regards to this topic. If there's anything that I hate, it's that. If you have something to say to me about what I believe and want to talk about it further, please tell me. Not everyone else on Facebook. If you want to comment on my posts, awesome. I'm completely open to that - I want to invite that as long as it is well-thought and respectful - and I look forward to discussing this issue.**

***This post is part of a Synchro-blog/Link-Up on From Two to One. Make sure you check out the other amazing posts on there!***

Sin and Temptation: Whose Responsibility Is It?

This is a follow-up from my post in response to "The Bikini Question."

There's been a lot of talk lately about men's temptations for lust and questions about whose responsibility it is in those situations. This is a humble attempt to discuss my views about this topic.

Before I became a proponent for Christian Feminist ideologies*, I was a supporter of Modesty Culture. (...That makes it sound like it's been a long time since I switched sides of the debate, but that's not true. Just six months ago my mom gave me a shirt for Christmas that was designed to be worn over leggings and I flipped out because it wasn't "modest enough.") Because I was part of the Modesty Culture for so long, I feel like I have a grasp on why they believe that women should have part of the responsibility for men's propensity for lust. On some level, I understand.

In Modesty Culture, it is believed that while men should control their temptations, women are responsible (in varying degrees) for helping them along. Much of this belief is taken from Romans 14, which is where Paul discusses the idea of not causing one another to stumble. He says in verse 13, "Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother." In the case of modesty, a stumbling block would be anything that may cause a brother in Christ to be distracted or fall into the sin of lust. Because of this belief, many Christian schools have strict dress codes that highlight what is appropriate and not appropriate for young women to wear.

In my experience, I have seen dress codes used for two purposes: modesty and professionalism. Unfortunately however, most often the rules regarding women are centered around modesty and the rules for men around professionalism (ex: at my college men had to wear collared shirts to class while women could wear nice, non-printed t-shirts as long as they were modest). But I digress. Even though I could talk for a while about dress codes and how I believe there are double-standards, that's not the purpose for this post.

I think Modesty Culture has misinterpreted Paul's purpose in Romans 14. While I can see why they may interpret a stumbling block to be certain articles of clothing that women in general "shouldn't" wear, I don't think we (most of us, anyway) would apply these same standards to other areas of life. For example, there's the issue of alcohol. While we know that some people in the faith have trouble with alcoholism and I know most of us would want to respect those people by not drinking in front of them, I would venture to say that for the most part we would not say that Christians shouldn't drink at all at the risk of offending someone who we may not know has an issue. This may be a broken metaphor, but most Christians I talk to have specific people in mind when they talk about abstaining from alcohol. This doesn't mean that they never drink or believe drinking is wrong, but they know that a specific person has a weakness for alcohol - therefore they adjust their behavior in order to better serve that specific person.

I believe the same should be true of "modesty." It is impossible to please everyone, especially since it's so ambiguous. I fully agree that if a woman is approached specifically by the man who is struggling, then she should do what she can to help him. However, if it is not specifically mentioned (not by a third-party and definitely not by another woman trying to tell her what to wear), then I don't believe that responsibility should be placed on the woman.

Men are fully capable of controlling their temptation for lust. Hear me out as well: there is a HUGE difference between healthy and biological physical attraction and lust. It is absolutely not wrong for a man to be attracted to a woman's form. This is healthy and even good. The only time that this turns into lust is when the woman is turned into the object of a man's sexual fantasies. A man simply enjoying the way a woman looks is not wrong. God created Eve to be beautiful and for Adam to be physically attracted to her. There's this underlying idea in Christian culture today that men can only be physically attracted to their wives - but this implies that there's some sort of switch that turns on as soon as a couple gets married and turns off to every other female. The man isn't attracted to his wife (or abstains from being attracted to her... however that works) before they're married, and then all of a sudden once they're husband and wife he's allowed to feel that attraction. I don't believe it works that way.

Physical attraction is God-given. It is good, but because we live in a fallen world it can be turned into sin. This is not the fault of the woman who is made to be the object. The kind of thinking that makes it the woman's responsibility for men's lust easily translates into the issue of rape. Rape Culture is a very real thing, friends. I am ashamed to say that in the past upon hearing of a rape I used to have fleeting thoughts wondering what the girl had been wearing at the time or how she had been acting (Which I believe is not a totally rare thought for people in Modesty Culture to have). This is so wrong. This is not the way things should be. As my friend Hollie put it, "[Women] should be allowed to walk down the street naked and not get raped!" It is never, ever the woman's fault for being raped. Eric said it well when we discussed this in the car the other day: "The woman didn't get raped. The man raped her."

So much blame-shifting happens in our Christian culture. We try to pass off the responsibility for our own sin onto other people, just as Adam blamed Eve for "making" him eat the fruit. She didn't make him do anything - he took the fruit and ate it of his own volition. The same is so very true of Modesty Culture. Women do not make men lust after them, nor is it their responsibility to make it "easier" on men, especially if they have no idea what they do or don't struggle with. Men need to step up and take responsibility for their own sin, and women need to step up and refuse to accept the blame-shifting and start dressing the way they want to, not out of trying to appease these external morals being pushed on them, but because it's what they want to wear (Women need to take responsibility for their own sins as well, but that's not what I'm talking about right now). 

As believers, we all have a personal responsibility for our sin. If we focus on other people's "responsibilities" or "faults" in our own personal walks with Christ, then we cannot grow in the way we should. It's time for us to stop trying to fix everyone else to be more palpable to us and start focusing on our own relationships with Christ. Once we do that, I think we will find more contentment, peace, unity, and equality within the body of believers.

*I hesitate to call myself a Christian Feminist because I don't really like the idea of labels. I have feminist sympathies, but there are things within the feminist movement that I disagree with. I personally would rather be known for what I believe than for the labels I place on myself. To be clear though, I have no issues with people placing the label of "feminist" on themselves. This is just not something I feel comfortable doing at the moment.


***This post is part of a Synchro-blog/Link-Up on From Two to One. Make sure you check out the other amazing posts on there!***

The Bikini Question - My Response... Take 2.

For all of you haven't read the article in question nor my original response to it, here are the links to both:

The Bikini Question

My Response

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When I read an article/book that I strongly disagree with, I tend to:

1. Bang my fists on the table/desk and have a one-way shouting match with it

2. Vent about it to Eric for at least a couple hours

3. Write a passionate response against it

4. Read someone else's thoughtful response

5. Go back and actually give a decent response.

SO. This is what I'm doing. While I still stand by everything I said in my original response, I think I could have been more explanatory and a little less emotional about it. I've done a lot of thinking in the past few days about the whole issue of modesty, and will attempt to pour out those thoughts here (and it may turn into a two-parter).

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I grew up in the Modesty Culture. (Feel free to read a post I wrote from the other side of the fence about 4 years ago here) While it wasn't pushed on me by my parents (which I am very grateful for), I encountered much of it in my high school (a private Christian school), my church, and my college. As I went through high school, I thought that "being modest" was just something Christian women did - I never knew that there was such a debate about it. I knew girls in my high school who would push the dress code to the limits and even outright break it, but I always thought of those girls as the "troublemakers" and "attention-seekers." I never thought that their viewpoint (as flawed as the execution may have been) could be valid. I simply discredited them because they didn't follow the rules.

It actually wasn't until I got married that I started to actually think about modesty and what it means to different people. As I have talked with others and done my own research, I've been blown away to find that modesty really means something different to everyone. This isn't just a "denomination" thing or even just a cultural thing. This is an incredibly individualized belief system. I can almost guarantee that even the people that seem most alike in their beliefs on what is "modest" or not may actually disagree on at least one thing. Which, by the way, I have realized that I leaned more often on older women's opinions and ideas of what modesty was instead of just asking men myself what they thought about the issue. Not sure if anyone else has had that experience, but it's interesting to me. 

After Eric and I got married, we started to talk about this idea of "modesty." The Bible talks about an attitude of the heart and not dressing for the sake of drawing attention (1 Timothy 2:9-10), but a specific list of rules is never mentioned. So then, why do we go around telling women exactly what they can and cannot wear? (I'll answer this question a little later.)

Once I started breaking out of the Modesty Culture, I remember feeling very, very aware of myself. When I wore a bikini for the first time, I automatically felt a sense of shame. I felt like I was doing something wrong, that people were either ogling me or judging me. That is so false. 

How did our "Christian" culture get to this point? How did we get to the point of making women feel as though they should be ashamed of themselves if they don't follow every rule that we have laid out for them? Now, don't get me wrong - I'm all for following dress codes in schools. If you have made the decision to attend a certain school then you have made that decision (hopefully) knowing what the dress code is like, and I believe that should be followed. What I'm talking about here is the judgment that I so often see (and still catch myself doing it far too often) where we see another woman and judge her in two seconds by the outfit she's wearing.

I know I'm not the only one out there who has done this. We do this all. the. time. We look at a woman walking toward us, and we may think one (or many) of these things:

"That shirt is way too tight."

"That girl is way too big to be wearing that outfit."

"That skirt is way too short."

"Gross. Bigger women should not be wearing skin-tight clothing."

"She is way too old (or young) to be wearing that."

"She looks like a hooker wearing that."

Okay. I need to stop listing things - I'm starting to get revved up again. When did we get like this? Why did we get like this? Do we all feel so insecure about ourselves that we have to point out what we see as flaws in other women so we can feel better about our choices? I am sad to admit that I have thought (if not said out loud) all of those things I listed above at least one time in my life. Whenever I have done that, I realize now that it was not at all out of wanting to protect men from lusting (which is a post for another day...why women feel the need to "protect" men besides wanting to have control is beyond me), but rather it has been an opportunity for me to feel like I'm better than the other woman.

We are so judgmental. It's true - we really are. When I look on Facebook and Twitter I see judgment upon judgment toward other people. I know it's true, because I do it myself. We have this inner-sense of wanting to make ourselves better than those around us so we point out the flaws in everyone else and completely forget to focus on our own issues.

We want to control everyone around us and make them more "appealing" to our own personalities and preferences. We feel uncomfortable when someone wears something that we would never dare to wear in a million years (as comfortable as I am in yoga pants, I don't think I have the courage to wear leggings out in public without something covering me - not out of "modesty," but simply because I'm super self-conscious), so we judge them for their decisions and make them out to be sluts or desperate for attention. And these judgments are toward people we don't even know! I know nothing about the girl who wore a mostly-transparent top at Mayo last week. I have no clue if she is in fact dressing in order to seek attention, or if she just likes that kind of fashion. ALSO WHY AM I FOCUSING ON HER CLOTHING CHOICES RATHER THAN WONDERING IF SHE KNOWS JESUS OR NOT? And if she does know Jesus, WHY AM I FOCUSING ON HER CLOTHING CHOICES RATHER THAN HER RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS?

I am fed up with this culture focusing on surface-level issues and forgetting about what's really important. I would say 9 (or even 10) times out of 10 we judge women's clothing not because we actually care about them, but because we like the idea of judging each other. We like putting ourselves above other people and feeling like we're doing what's "holy" (because a one-piece is certainly more holy than a bikini...), while the other person is just "lost in her sins."

I don't have all the answers, and I'm certainly not going to give a list of do's and don't's that I think women should follow - to quote my previous post,

"I respect your decision not to wear bikinis. That is your decision and your right. But it is also my decision and my right to wear a bikini if I want to, because I’m not convicted otherwise. That’s the material point. If you are convicted not to wear something, great. Follow your convictions. But don’t push your personal convictions onto other people, especially in the form of a list of rules."

One thing I do know is that we as Christians need to stop pointing the finger at everyone else (especially their clothing choices) and focus on our own walks with Christ. God doesn't care whether or not we think Susie Q is dressing modestly or not. He cares about our own hearts and our own attitudes. He cares about our relationship with Him. He cares about whether we are loving Him with all our hearts, minds, and souls, and whether we love our neighbors as ourselves (whoops, I think we dropped the ball on that one). I don't think that when we get to heaven God will tell us about all the times that we wore something that "could have" caused men to lust after us. I think He's going to be much more concerned with how fervently we pursued Him and how deeply we loved others. We need to stop acting like the Pharisee in Luke 18:10-14 and start acting like the man he was comparing himself to:

"Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.' but the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven [emphasis added], but beat his breast saying, 'God, be merciful to me, a sinner!' I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted."

Matthew 7:1-5

"Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite [emphasis added], first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye."

[Special thanks to Emily, Emily (yes, two Emily's), Abi, Dianna, Kristen, Rachel, Danielle, and my husband Eric for all your own personal thoughts on this issue and for helping me think critically through this issue.]


*I will be posting about women's and men's responsibilities in the issue of modesty later on in the week. *

The Bikini Question - My Response of Anger and Total Disagreement.

Just so everyone knows, this post is not health-related. Rather, it is related to an article that I read last week that was very upsetting to me - this is my response to it. I posted it on Facebook last week, so some of you may have already read it. I wanted to post it here as well. Thanks. :)

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If you haven't read the article on "The Bikini Question", read it here: 

http://madeinhisimage.org/the-bikini-question/

This is my response to and utter disagreement with it (and I will be putting this as a comment as soon as the website is able to accept comments again).

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I am absolutely livid about this article. It is so, so, so wrong on so many levels.

1. I am completely against this whole "chocolate cake" illustration. First of all, it is assuming that men are tempted 24/7 by everything around them, and that it's only a matter of time until they give in. Secondly, it places the blame for the lust on the woman (it's the cake's fault for being there in the first place). Thirdly, I completely disagree with the idea that if we are confronted with a temptation all the time then it is only a matter of time until we give in. NO. This is why we have Christ. 

Scripture was not  used in this article, so I will use it now:

Hebrews 5:14-16

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

1 Corinthians 10:13

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

2 Corinthians 12:9

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Those scriptures are a segway to my second point: 

2. The chocolate cake illustration implies that men are unable to use self-control. It assumes that women HAVE to help them, because they are unable to lean on Christ without our help. Nope. That is not true. Christian men have every ability (through Christ) to stand up under their temptations. They are not helpless. How dare we as women assume that we (as fallen human beings) need to “help” them in their walk because they are too weak to do it themselves? How dare we assume that men just can’t control their appetites and we need to remove all signs of temptation because they are unable to have self-control? This is so, so false.

3. There is absolutely no way that women can make EVERYONE happy by the way they dress. I absolutely guarantee that no matter what women wear, there is SOMETHING about our outfits that can distract men. We can make all the legalistic rules in the world, but if we were to try and not be distracting for anyone, we would be walking around with burlap sacks on. And I guarantee some men would STILL be distracted. No one can ever win with this kind of thinking.

Hear me out: I am against dressing for the purpose of attracting attention. However... there is no way we can (or should) judge the hearts and intentions of women based on what they choose to wear. That is between them and God. It is not for other people to judge why they decide to wear what they do, or to even tell women what they can and cannot wear.

If we reduce this issue to a list of rules and judge women for wearing leggings, bikinis, etc., then we become incredibly legalistic and we lose the heart of the issue. YES. Women are SO MUCH MORE than what they wear. But that goes both ways! They are SO MUCH MORE, and should absolutely not be judged solely by their clothing choices, whether you think it’s “modest enough” or not. Get to know the heart of women. Learn about them. If they have a lifestyle of wearing clothing intended to attract attention, DON’T JUDGE THEM. Lovingly guide them towards Christ and show them that who they are inside is enough. And if they are secure in that fact and their clothing choices still don’t change, DON’T JUDGE THEM. It’s not our place. Focus on your choices, your intentions, and your limits. Not everyone else’s.

I respect your decision not to wear bikinis. That is your decision and your right. But it is also my decision and my right to wear a bikini if I want to, because I’m not convicted otherwise. That’s the material point. If you are convicted not to wear something, great. Follow your convictions. But don’t push your personal convictions onto other people, especially in the form of a list of rules.

(Sidenote, the issue of modesty is completely cultural. Down in Haiti, everyone is extremely modest there. However, in Europe, beaches are FULL of bikinis and speedos, and it’s not a big deal. There are also tribes in Africa where women don’t wear tops. There are no set rules on what “modesty” is.)

Finally, here is a quote from someone (a man) who commented on the article. He said everything I want to say:

"In closing, if someone just can't help but be offended or lust while you're in a bikini, and you are made aware of it directly, then wear a one-piece out of love for them, to create peace, and to help them not stumble; but do not make the mistake of believing the bikini itself, or drinking alcohol, or eating meat is unclean or evil. Furthermore do not make the mistake of believing that a one piece is somehow more holy (someone could actually have a sensual lust for a fully covered body and be excited by the mystery). Likewise, If you are not made aware of the other person being offended or stumbling, it is not your fault that they lust in their heart because it is in their personal heart regardless of what you wear, eat, drink, or do."