Saturday, March 5, 2011

Scared of Transitions.

As March is already here and I have only 2 months until I graduate, I'm beginning to really think about my time here in Chicago and the very little amount of time that I have before the biggest transition in my life. I know that I said I wouldn't post blogs about myself, but this is something that is a pretty big deal.

I am truly scared of my next transition.

Now, don't get me wrong - I am SO excited to marry Eric, and I'm not nervous about that transition at all. I'm just really afraid to leave all my friends here, my comfortable atmosphere, and move somewhere where I really don't have many friends at all. School is a completely different atmosphere than real life. It's SO easy to make friends at school because you're around the same people all the time, but in real life, it takes so much more intention.

I'm nervous about that. I really am. For the first time in my life I'm not going to be completely surrounded by Christians all the time, and I may even be one of the few Christians in my environment. I have no idea where I'm going to work, but I'm guessing that wherever it is, it will be a non-Christian environment.

What will I do? How will I respond in a situation like that? - I have no idea what it's going to look like. I know that I've always been able to make friends pretty easily, but this is going to be completely different than anything I've ever known. Will I actually be able to make friends outside of the school situation? Will I find anyone at work that I have common interests with? What if I don't? What if I don't make any friends?

It's really hard to know what my life is going to look like once I graduate and get married. i'm excited to start something new and to live in an apartment with Eric, but what will MY life look like? Where will I work? What will be my ministry? Who will I become close to? What kind of people are going to come into my life?

I can't answer those questions right now, and I hate that. I want to know what's going to happen after I graduate, but I don't. I know that God has His purposes and His timing and He's going to work everything out, but this is definitely a time when I wish I had omniscience when it pertains to my life... *sigh* I guess I'll just have to stick with being a human being.

I hope these worries subside. Unfortunately, I think the closer I get to graduation, the more they're going to grow and the less I'm going to want to leave the school because I don't want to leave all of the wonderful people in my life. Heather, Annie, Tiffany, Rachel, Judy.... and the list goes on. This is no fun at all. Graduating is great, but it also really, really sucks... :(

Until next time. I've got too many thoughts to get them all written down now...

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