Sunday, May 17, 2009

Under the Stars.

There's a song by The Fray that goes, "I found God at the corner of First and Amistad..."

Well, I found God too. But tonight it was under the stars. As I laid on the porch tonight staring at the sky, I realized just how big my God really is. I found myself in tears because of all the things that have been going on lately, and I was just asking God why He was allowing these things to happen, and asking why He couldn't just let things happen the way I wanted them to.

And then it hit me, just as it has hit me so many times in the past.

I don't trust Him. I don't trust the Creator of the universe, the one who put every single star that I was staring at into place. I don't trust the God who has held everything together since the beginning of time. And I find myself wondering now why I don't trust Him. He obviously has more than earned my trust. He has proven Himself faithful and true so many times in my life. So why do I still find it to be one of the most difficult things in the world to trust that He knows what He's doing?

I've found that I really can't come up with an answer. There really is no good excuse not to trust Him. The only explanation I can really come up with is the fact that there is a real spiritual battle taking place within myself. Satan has every intention to keep me from trusting my Savior. He wants to keep me as far away from God as possible, and his plan of attack has been to keep me from being able to trust.

I'm fighting back.

Satan cannot win this. My faith in Christ has to be the most important thing in my life, and I cannot let Satan take that away from me. I have to learn to trust God with EVERYTHING in my life. My weaknesses, my hardships, my relationship struggles, my desires... EVERYTHING. I need to give it all up to Him because He is much more able than I to take care of my situations. I need to then wait on and be patient for God to do what He needs to do, and I cannot complain when things may not happen as I expect them to because "... we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28)."

God's not going to leave me out to dry. He knows what He's doing, and I just need to calm down, stop trying to control everything and everyone, and wait for Him to work.

"At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, 'Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?' And calling to Him a child, He put him in the midst of them and said, 'Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven' (Matthew 18:1-4)."

God is calling me to have faith like a child. Children are not skeptical. They are not critical. They are not cynical. I need to throw off all these things, and become like I was when I was seven years old when it was so easy to trust Him. I need to stop trying to rely on myself, and I need to know that I cannot do anything on my own. God is my Provider, and the One who will get me through.


Jesus loves me, this I know
For the Bible tells me so
Little ones to Him belong
They are weak but He is strong

Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
The Bible tells me so

1 comment:

  1. Amen Bethany, Im praying for ya. And this battle goes on in us all.


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