tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32638547263921023112024-02-19T12:32:01.713-06:00All That JazzBethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11369943790276795144noreply@blogger.comBlogger195125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3263854726392102311.post-89250991273317640882016-04-23T17:08:00.000-05:002016-04-23T17:08:02.055-05:00We Have a Transplant Date!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGPcEQkt3T6p_tjeodjT8cIISZOED2o5VFESFr-eDJjDY_HR22mYq4hhj-mf1nYKdW9PE77koSe477AKu-MoPvPaVXNTq50zraCczuYQfyaOFyjyKk8HFkz2-YnUdqRauLyKcwvNb1M1ZE/s1600/bio-pic-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGPcEQkt3T6p_tjeodjT8cIISZOED2o5VFESFr-eDJjDY_HR22mYq4hhj-mf1nYKdW9PE77koSe477AKu-MoPvPaVXNTq50zraCczuYQfyaOFyjyKk8HFkz2-YnUdqRauLyKcwvNb1M1ZE/s320/bio-pic-2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Hey, everyone! Eric and I will be going through with our liver transplant in TEN days, on May 3rd! I’ll make sure to update you all afterwards to let you know how we’re healing as well as I’ll get back to writing my normal posts, but in the meantime, we would really appreciate it if you took the time to check out our GoFundMe page and potentially donate. We really appreciate anything you can give!</div>
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<br />Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11369943790276795144noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3263854726392102311.post-27913649442736346182015-08-27T13:08:00.001-05:002015-08-27T13:08:12.829-05:00Kidnapped for Christ: a Documentary.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /><iframe width="320" height="266" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/1IfwaY-F4SM/0.jpg" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/1IfwaY-F4SM?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">The times when we believe we can see right and wrong the most clearly are usually the times that we are the most blind. When we refuse to think of other beliefs and circumstances besides our own and don’t give any credence to other people’s experiences, we stunt our ability to learn, to love others, and to have our eyes opened.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I just finished watching a documentary entitled, “</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Kidnapped for Christ</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">,” which features a 17-year old named David who was sent to a school in the Dominican Republic before his Senior year because of his homosexuality. It’s a very honest film about the conditions the students had to live in, and it chronicles their experiences. During his stay, David turned 18, and as an American citizen, he should’ve had the freedom to leave that place. Unfortunately, because of how horrible this place was, the leaders at the school told him that he actually didn’t have any rights because of how the government in the D.R. was structured (which was a complete lie). Eventually, he was allowed to go home, but his story of fighting for social justice and fighting against institutional abuse had just begun. Before I share my thoughts on the documentary, I want to take you behind the scenes of my relationship with David.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">--------------------------------</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When I was going into 6th grade, I met a boy at my voice teacher’s house. He was just leaving from his trumpet lesson as my older sister and I walked in for our lessons; our teacher stopped and introduced us, telling me his name was David, and that he was going to be in my class at school. Little did I know that he would later become one of the most important people in my entire life.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Throughout Junior High, David and I became very close friends. We passed notes to each other in our classes, we called each other on the phone (back in the stone age when nobody had cell phones and we had to call each other’s HOME PHONES), and we would talk for hours on end. He was (and is!) adorable, sweet, fun, funny, and loves his friends with his whole heart. I deeply valued my friendship with him. He transferred to public school for high school while I stayed at the private Christian school that we attended, and our relationship deepened so much after that. We fought fairly often, but we were best friends and we loved each other. We would talk on “MSN Messenger” as often as possible, we would talk on the phone until 2 or 3 in the morning, we would go to each other’s houses and hang out, and we gave each other birthday and Christmas gifts whenever we could. At this point, in the middle of our freshman year, David had become the most important person in my life.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’ve written about sophomore year in my blog before, and if you would like to read what happened on a rainy September night that changed both our lives forever, go ahead and click <a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=3263854726392102311#editor/target=post;postID=9154030212308776827;onPublishedMenu=posts;onClosedMenu=posts;postNum=21;src=postname">here</a>. Otherwise, I’ll quickly summarize it here. There was a point in time where I could tell that David was distancing himself from me, and I had this strange feeling that there was something he wasn’t telling me. I couldn’t tell for sure what it was, but I knew I needed to find out. He agreed that there was something he needed to tell me, so he came to my house, and after minutes in silence, he told me he was gay. All I remember is hugging him and crying with him after that -- I don’t even know how long it lasted, but I know we sat in my basement for hours.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I screwed up. A couple weeks after that, David told me he was going to accept the fact that he was gay, and he really wanted my support. I told him that I couldn’t support his choices, and in that exact moment, our friendship was forever changed. Our relationship became rocky at best. We were mean to one another, we would go long periods of time without talking, and we both had a deep amount of resentment towards the other person; David had every right to be resentful towards me, but I had no reason to be angry with him.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This story isn’t about me, though, and it isn’t even about our relationship. It’s about what happened to him when we were about to enter our Senior year. David had attended a dance production I was in in May, 2006. At this point it looked like our relationship could be on the mend, but I knew we were very distant friends. After the production, though, I attempted to contact him to get together, but didn’t receive anything back. I left him voicemails, texted him, emailed him, and checked my messenger accounts constantly to see if he would be online. Neither I nor anyone else had heard from him since that time. It wasn’t until December 2006 that I was in my room doing my homework, when I heard my MSN messenger ping. It was David. I was ecstatic, overwhelmed, and so glad to know he was safe. We planned to meet at Starbucks the following weekend, and I could hardly wait that long.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">When we talked, he told me he had been down in the Dominican Republic at the “Escuela Caribe,” which was a school for “troubled American teens.” He told me he had been sent there because he was gay, and he told me all the horrible things that happened to him while he was experiencing that awful place. For some reason, I felt completely disconnected from everything and just didn’t really understand why he would have been sent there. At this point I was still very against what I perceived to be his choice of homosexuality (even though, I realize now, it’s not something he chose), so when he told me that this school attempted to make him “straight,” I didn’t initially see the problem with that. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now, I want to make something clear. David is and always has been the furthest thing from “troubled.” He is kind and giving, he loves people with everything he has, he is passionate about so many things, and he was a stellar student. He thrived in the drama department at his high school, and he was in many AP classes (in fact, in the documentary, he states he had a 4.3 GPA before he was sent to the D.R.). Even though this was all very true, because of my ignorance and refusal to understand other beliefs outside of my own, I found myself wondering why he didn’t just accept the help he was being offered and “change.” Even now, almost 10 years later, I shudder to think about the way I treated him. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It wasn’t until about 2 years ago that I realized how wrongly I had treated him. At the same time that I started learning about feminism, I also gained multiple friends who were both Christian and gay. Some of them had decided to live lives of celibacy, but others believe that homosexuality is no longer a sin and have clear consciences in pursuing romantic relationships with those of the same sex. It was through talking with them and others that my views started to change. To this day, I actually can’t tell you exactly what I believe about the matter, but I don’t feel like it’s my place to state what I believe. If my friends can be Christians and gay at the same time, then the Holy Spirit must not be convicting them of any wrongdoing. If they are pursuing Christ and Love, then who am I to tell them that they have “backslidden” or that they’re not actually Christians? I don’t have all the answers, but I do know now that </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">loving others is the most important thing we can do.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Love isn’t telling someone you refuse to be in relationship with them until they change their ways. Love isn’t telling that person you’re praying for them to see the light. Love isn’t hounding that person over and over again with the reasons why you believe they’re wrong. Love is supportive. Love says, “I love all of you, no matter what.” Love pursues a deeper relationship with the other person, regardless of theological differences. Love says, “We may believe different things, but that’s okay.”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">David, and many other teenagers, were very, very mistreated at Escuela Caribe. They had to endure multiple instances of emotional, spiritual, and physical abuse. This was not an isolated event, either. There are thousands upon thousands of “behavior modification” schools all over the country, and they are not subject to federal regulations. This means there’s no system for accountability with these places, and that’s not okay. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Please take the time to watch this documentary -- you won’t regret it. You can find it on iTunes, or if you live in Colorado, you can borrow it from me (but I will definitely want it back after!). I really encourage you to watch it without any distractions and to fully immerse yourself in seeing a glimpse of what life was like for these teenagers. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Please also visit </span><a href="http://www.kidnappedforchrist.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">www.kidnappedforchrist.com</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> to learn more about the people who made the documentary and how you can help fight against institutional abuse. Regardless how you may feel about homosexuality (which, please think of the fact that these are real people, it’s not just an “issue”), this kind of treatment is simply unacceptable. If you have any questions or would like to talk about the documentary, I would love to chat with you. We can either meet for coffee, message back and forth on Facebook, or you can email me at </span><a href="mailto:bethanypegors@gmail.com" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">bethanypegors@gmail.com</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. I would love to get connected with you, and if you would like to get in touch with David, I’m sure we can arrange that. Having the courage to stand up for yourself and for others can be incredibly difficult, but you can do it. It’s not in the least bit easy, but you’ll be so grateful once you cross that barrier.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And to David -- I love you, and I’m so proud of you. I know I keep saying it, and I know you’re probably tired of me saying these things, but you are such an inspiration to me. The kind of courage it took to get the word out about that school is mind-blowing. I want to love and support you in any way I can, so please let me know if you ever need anything. Love you!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Love is good and Love is God. His will be done through you by loving others.” </span></div>
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Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11369943790276795144noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3263854726392102311.post-88094425488110789692015-07-11T14:03:00.000-05:002015-07-11T14:03:24.049-05:00Peacemaking and the Third Way.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiib8VP-arMOCf-UWOPX9elSJGbgiBS44MvuaeWxiQLoKx1qB0vdmZg33g6JDjwLy5Qbv7DHR-gfyXfj-EtcGQNlQjvsYHW6CT6Dqz_OJw9cbl8-P9y4JhCsql8GkKNvhwik9xQLbhyphenhyphenXgwL/s1600/0e1274623_peacemakers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiib8VP-arMOCf-UWOPX9elSJGbgiBS44MvuaeWxiQLoKx1qB0vdmZg33g6JDjwLy5Qbv7DHR-gfyXfj-EtcGQNlQjvsYHW6CT6Dqz_OJw9cbl8-P9y4JhCsql8GkKNvhwik9xQLbhyphenhyphenXgwL/s400/0e1274623_peacemakers.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We love giving our opinions. We love giving evidence to the truth of our opinions, and we don’t like listening to opposing opinions. I feel like this describes almost all of us when it comes to social media. When something happens in our culture, we are quick to spout out what we believe and then consequently tell others why we disagree with them and why our opinion is correct.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What do we gain from doing this? What are our motives for trying to prove someone wrong? Are we doing this because we love them, or are we just trying to make sure they hear our opinion?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In our church service on Tuesday evening, we had a fantastic sermon on the beatitudes and being peacemakers. The main Scripture that was used was Matthew 5:9:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Blessed are the peacemakers for they will be called the children of God.” </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I know I’m the first person I should be talking to about peacemaking. I get so caught up in fighting for what I believe and for people that I can end up alienating those I disagree with. This sermon was immensely necessary for me to hear. The pastors who spoke (a male and female team from a church in North Denver called, “The Refuge”) also talked about the “third way.” </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Basically, in disagreeing with others and in wanting to spout our opinions, we tend to do one of two things: fight or flee. We either will fight tooth and nail for what we believe, or we will run away from the conversation altogether. I’m sure none of you will be surprised at which one I struggle with. Even though these are our natural responses, they aren’t correct if we truly want to have an honest and respectful conversation with another individual. We are not called to either fight OR flee, but rather we are called to be peacemakers in all situations of life. This is the “third way.” These pastors gave us 5 tools to aid us in having a “dignified dialogue.”</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Practicing Dignified Dialogue</span></div>
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<ol style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Consider first: “That person is first and foremost a child of God, created in God’s image, worthy of dignity and respect.”</span></div>
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<ol style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: lower-alpha; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I hardly think that anyone would be confused about why this is the first and most important step in having a dignified conversation with another person. Too many times I’ve been treated unfairly by those who disagree with me, and recently I’ve even had my salvation questioned because I support legal gay marriage. I've also seen this with friends who also support gay marriage, and unfortunately I've even seen people's salvation questioned simply because of their political affiliation. This is not okay. If we want to be lights in the world and show people what Christ is like, we </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">must </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">treat one another with respect and dignity. The same is true of how we treat non-Christians. How can we expect to win anyone for Christ if we are rude to them and only care about their political opinions? This may look different in different situations. Sometimes this may mean declining to comment on someone’s post about what they believe. Sometimes it means </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">not </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">sending the person a private message explaining exactly why you disagree with them. And sometimes it simply means you consciously decide to actually listen to why they believe what they do (more on that in a second).</span></div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<ol start="2" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Ask questions to clarify understanding instead of only make statements.</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: lower-alpha; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If you notice, this specifically says, “to clarify understanding.” This means we ask questions in order to gain a better understanding of why someone believes what they do. Unfortunately, I see this misused </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">all the time</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. Instead of having intentions of wanting to understand more fully, we ask leading questions to get people to admit that we’re right. Which, if we’re honest, almost </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">never</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> works. We end up making people more angry and frustrated by asking those leading questions. Everyone knows we’re doing it, and we’re not impressing anybody by doing so. Instead, we tend to come across as arrogant when we ask these leading questions, because it makes us look like we see ourselves as smarter and better than the other person. And that is a sure-fire way to lose any respect in a discussion.</span></div>
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<br />
<ol start="3" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; list-style-type: decimal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Stick with “I think,” or “My opinion is,” or “My interpretation of the Bible is,” or “I understand the Bible to be saying…” instead of making generalizations like “God says,” or “God thinks,” or “the Bible says.” </span></div>
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<ol style="margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: lower-alpha; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I think this is the one I may get the most pushback on, but it’s the one I feel the most strongly about by far. Much too often, we tell others our opinions and use “it’s what the Bible says” in order to give our claim more clout. I know I’ve done this in the past, and I deeply regret it. When we do this, we alienate those who disagree with us. It makes those who disagree feel like they’re just wrong for believing what they do, and it’s our job to set them on the “right path.” </span></div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 72pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Honestly, if there’s anything at all that I learned from attending Bible school, it’s that so many different interpretations of Scripture exist in the world, and each interpretation is mixed with an individual’s upbringing, denomination, and social surroundings. What used to be considered as “absolute truth” is now being questioned. For example, for a long time and for some denominations still head coverings were considered biblical. Yet, as we look around, fewer and fewer women are wearing headcoverings. Do I believe in absolute truth? Definitely. I’ve met Christ-seeking people on all ends of the spectrum of different beliefs, and not once have I questioned their faith because we disagree on certain topics (gay marriage being one of them, along with whether the creation account is real or a myth). </span></div>
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<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-left: 72pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">To those who are afraid of absolute truth not being believed anymore, I give you this challenge: what if we won’t know what’s “absolutely true” until we get to heaven? What if we get to heaven and God just looks at us, laughs, and says, “that’s not what I meant at all.” Please give others respect by realizing that your interpretation of Scripture could be incorrect, or maybe both of you are incorrect on some level. What’s most important is that we both look to Jesus for our salvation, and we know it’s not of our own doing that we are saved. Everything else is peripheral, and if we end up being wrong when we enter heaven, then we’ll deal with that thenAnd, honestly, I doubt God will care what our beliefs were on homosexuality and gay marriage. I think he’ll care much more if we loved him, loved others, and cared for the widows and orphans.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">4. Remember that this is an opportunity to listen and learn, not to convince, give advice, or change anyone else.</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: lower-alpha; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I really, really hope that none of us think that by spouting our opinions on social media, we’ll somehow change someone’s mind if we just attack the situation hard enough. I’ve been lucky enough to witness beneficial conversations where each person felt respected and understood what the other party believed, but this is a rarity. Too often I see people completely overlook what the other person has said and continue to dive deeper into trying to convince them of why “I’m right and you’re wrong”. What if that person continues to disagree with us? What if nothing we say, no matter how passionately we say it, will convince the other person that we’re right? What if they already know the “right” answers, and thus have no interest in hearing advice about reading certain passages of Scripture or books? What if this person has already been in a season of questioning and has changed their beliefs on the other side of that season? We cannot possibly know everyone’s stories or thought lives, no matter how well we think we know that person. Giving others a chance to speak and actually learning from them is the only way to earn that same respect from others.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">5. Honor the time with brevity and give others a chance to finish their thought before sharing yours.</span></div>
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<li dir="ltr" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; list-style-type: lower-alpha; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">How many times has this happened? How many times have we been in conversation with someone, and instead of actually listening to them, we’re just waiting for them to stop talking so we can continue inserting our opinion? I know I’ve done that multiple times in the past.When we do this, we’re not actually listening or processing what the other person is saying. Our goal in these situations is not to gain a better understanding of where the other person is coming from. It’s to make sure we get our point across no matter what. This leads to frustration, alienation, and division in our conversations with others, and it’s not at all what Christ has called us to. It’s important for us all to listen to one another fully. If we don’t listen to others, there’s no reason for them to listen to us. We must earn the right to be listened to by listening to others first. And once we do, we will realize our thoughts are respected much more.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I believe that if we employ these 5 techniques while in conversation with others, we will not only discover understanding toward those we disagree with, but we will also realize that instead of creating division, we are creating a sense of community. We’re creating a safe place for others to be who they are and to express themselves in a healthy way. And maybe, just maybe, we’ll learn that we may not have all the answers to Scripture and life—and that’s okay.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.6666666666667px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Recently, because of all the anger on Facebook from the Supreme Court decisions, I have been incredibly tempted to delete my Facebook. Instead of being another angry voice on social media, I want to encourage all of us to think about being peacemakers before doing anything else. I believe the world will see the difference in us if we approach these topics with love and respect. Most importantly, they will notice the difference in us when we love and respect those we disagree with most.</span>Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11369943790276795144noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3263854726392102311.post-83171433937617913942015-01-06T13:25:00.000-06:002015-01-06T13:25:25.716-06:00My Theme for 2015: Peace.<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Philippians 4:6-7</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-567a8f3b-c0b0-cec3-6adf-14a18695cd91" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">PEACE </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">[emphasis added]</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For the last couple of years, I’ve noticed friends of mine using different words as their “theme” for the coming year. I’ve seen Joy, Love, Kindness, etc., and I’ve found it incredibly intriguing. I tried to do it last year, but it didn’t stick. This year, I’m committed to actually using my word as a theme.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">During the Christmas season, I thought and prayed fervently that the Lord would show me what He would have me work on in this coming year. As I listened, one word came to mind repeatedly: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Peace.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Oh.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Yep, that’s definitely something I need (and want) to work on.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Peace doesn’t come easily for me. Between my natural tendency toward anxiety and how unpredictable my health has been recently, my mind has been filled with anything </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">but </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">peace. The idea of having a peace-filled life is like a breath of fresh air. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I crave peace. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So, instead of making New Year’s resolutions that would likely end in two weeks (it’s totally true, especially for me. I’m horrible at keeping resolutions), I am committing to living by this one word throughout my year. This theme will most certainly pop up in different blog posts over the coming months. I’m hoping to write at least one a week on this topic, but I can’t commit to that (you all know me way too well to believe that I’d actually stick to a strict blogpost regimen).</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Here are different areas of my life in which I’m hoping to display peace this coming year:</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Health: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As much as I would love to say that peace comes easily for me in regards to my health, it doesn’t. It’s much easier to have peace when things are going smoothly, but when either one of my diseases flares, it becomes difficult not to have anxiety about those things. I know that anxiety in these cases is normal, but I long for peace. I deeply desire to know that the Lord is in control and knows what he’s doing, and no matter what I can know that he is sovereign above all things. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Work: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I love my job. My job as a manager for Solid Grounds has been the best job I’ve ever had, and most certainly the least stressful. However, there are definitely times when I have much more anxiety than is necessary. This usually happens in cases where I’ve made a mistake, when there’s conflict, and when I feel like my to-do list is so long that I can’t keep up. I know there are definitely ways I can feel more peace in these situations, and I’m looking forward to seeing how the Lord grows me in this area.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Relationships: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Whether it’s my marriage, family, or friends, I inevitably feel anxiety at one point or another in this area. I feel like this one’s going to be a bear to take care of, because through working out how to find peace, I will need to set certain boundaries for myself so I don’t feel stressed or burnt out. I’m horrible at boundaries. I’ll set them, feel super confident about sticking to them, then completely forget them within a few days (and sometimes, within a few hours). I know that boundaries are critical in order for me to feel peace in my relationships, though.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Home: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For some reason, I tend to have anxiety when it comes to whether my home is clean, organized, etc. I don’t want that to be the case. I want to strive to take care of my home but also not stress about it if it isn’t always the way I would like it to be. This isn’t a huge part of my anxiety, so I’ll be focusing on other areas before I tackle this one.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The idea of more peace in my life is going to be so beneficial in so many ways. My overall physical health is dependent on this, because all my doctors tell me that stress </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">hugely </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">affects my diseases. It’s crazy how our emotional/mental state can affect us physically, isn’t it? It was certainly hard for people at my last job to understand that -- I tried to have boundaries on when I could and couldn’t work, but instead of feeling supported, I was made to feel like I was just being lazy/unhelpful. Thankfully my job now is almost completely opposite of that, but I often have to battle those emotions because the words/attitudes of my former coworkers cut me to the core.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I know that my walk with Christ will improve dramatically if my level of peace increases -- and vice versa. As I begin trusting him more, peace will rise; and as peace rises, so my relationship with Christ will become stronger. I’m really looking forward to searching Scripture for this theme throughout the year and learning more and more about it. </span></div>
<br /><br /><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So here’s my challenge to you -- is there a theme you would like to focus on in this coming year? Do you feel like the Lord is placing something on your heart to work on? If so, please feel free to share in the comments! I would love to walk with you in this and support you in what the Lord is calling you to do. </span>Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11369943790276795144noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3263854726392102311.post-55865534165912994302014-12-16T09:31:00.000-06:002014-12-16T09:31:22.259-06:00Living that Hospital Life.Oh, hospitals. They are the bane of my existence. One day I'm feeling great and energetic, and then suddenly we're headed to the Emergency Room because my pain has gotten out of control.<br />
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Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for such amazing healthcare, but having to stay for a few days in the hospital is really not my idea of fun. I would much rather be spending time with friends and family, doing yoga, and playing with my adorable cat. But that's not our life this week, I suppose.<br />
<br />
It all started at the beginning of the week when I began feeling some slight pain around my liver. I wasn't sure if it was anything serious yet, so I decided to go about my daily life and just have the pain in the background. I was able to be pretty active which was wonderful, and even the afternoon before the pain got worse I was able to spend some great time with my family at my nephew's 4th birthday party. The evening after is when it all started, though.<br />
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I always know something needs to be done about my pain when it starts to be debilitating. We were sitting at home just playing some video games, but even though that's not an active activity, I had to stop and go curl up in one of our lounge chairs. It took me forever to actually decide to go to the ER, because in order to do that, I have to admit that something's wrong.<br />
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For whoever knows me, you know I'm super stubborn, especially when it comes to my health. I hate admitting that I'm not totally healthy, and the idea of staying in the hospital S-U-C-K-S. But...I eventually had to decide that the pain was debilitating enough for me to need to be seen.<br />
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That was on Saturday night, and now it's Tuesday. Mer. At this point, I really just want to go home, but I know I can't. I'm still waiting on my ERCP (like an endoscopy, only I'm completely asleep and they go all the way through to the liver), but once that's done I think I just need to be watched overnight for pancreatitis, and then I can go home. So if you're the praying kind, PLEASE be praying that I'll have my ERCP sooner rather than later. That would be most helpful.<br />
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While I'm in the hospital, though, I couldn't be more happy with all the nurses and doctors who have helped me. University Hospital (Anschutz) is one of, if not THE, best hospital care I've ever experienced. Every time I have to stay here I request the 9th floor, because all the people are so kind and so clearly love their jobs. They make having to stay here much more bearable. They joke around, take me seriously when I tell them I'm experiencing pain, and they really want the best for me. <i> </i>I always feel like a priority, and that makes me so happy. If I have to stay in a hospital, I'm really glad it can be this one.<br />
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Thank you to everyone who has visited, sent emails of encouragement, and posted on Facebook. I am so grateful for all of you, and you have all lifted my spirits in so many ways. I'm learning that this kind of thing is just going to be my new norm (being health for 6-9 months then in the hospital for a few days), and that's okay. I'm grateful for those few months in between where I can be a regular person and do the things I love (my job, sports, church, time with friends, yoga, etc).<br />
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God is good, though. Everything that happens is for a purpose and these things help grow us into the people that God wants us to be. We don't always fully understand why he allows things like this to happen, but we know He loves us and He's in control of the situation. Even if the healing doesn't come, God is still good and in control - I couldn't ask for anything else.<br />
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I'll be in the hospital most likely until tomorrow, so if you live in the area, I would love to see you! We can talk, laugh, watch Harry Potter, or just sit and watch TV. I've been enjoying doing all those things with my friends and family. :)<br />
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On behalf of Eric and myself, thank you so much for your continued support and love toward us. We feel so strengthened because of everyone around us who cares, and we know we'll get through this time just like we've done all the other times.<br />
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Thanks again - you all mean more to us than you could know!Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11369943790276795144noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3263854726392102311.post-54396995060143157732014-11-03T16:08:00.000-06:002014-11-03T16:08:04.858-06:00I'm Beautiful, and So Are You.<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My whole life I’ve lived with this idea that I’m not allowed to believe I’m beautiful, that I must always point out a flaw I see in myself. I’m not exactly sure where that all began, but it’s a pervasive thought in our culture today. We have this concept of what beautiful “should” look like, and somehow we’re never able to attain it. That doesn’t mean we don’t try - we try as hard as we can to live up to this unattainable standard, but as hard as we work at it, we always convince ourselves that we’re just not good enough.</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-74f55008-778d-6030-cf46-0096310ca134" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Why is that? Why are we so set on believing the worst about ourselves (and sometimes the worst about others) because of this imaginary standard of beauty? Why is it not okay to view ourselves as beautiful simply because we are God’s creation? It makes me cringe when I hear women critiquing their looks - whether it’s their body (too fat or too skinny), skin tone, face, hair, etc. Let me be clear - I’m not perfect at this either. I often find myself critiquing my looks in the mirror and telling my husband that I’ve gained weight, that I hate the bump in my nose, and that I’m too short. He always has to stop, look me straight in the eye and tell me, “Bethany, you’re beautiful.”</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’ve been told by others in the past that it’s not okay to view ourselves as beautiful because that could lead to narcissism, and we don’t want people to think we have big egos. But what if God wanted us to see ourselves the way he sees us? Do I really think that my Creator, the God of the universe, is judging my looks and thinking he made mistakes? Absolutely not. Our whole concept of beauty has come from society and media. As imperfect beings, we like to judge one another. We like to say, “Well, at least I’m prettier than her,” or “At least I’m skinnier than her.” If we don’t do that, we usually say, “I’ll never be as pretty as her,” or “I’ll never be as tan as her.” We are so mean to ourselves.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For the last 6 months or so, I’ve started doing yoga. I did it on my own for a while, but recently I’ve been going to classes with a couple friends. One of the instructors told us, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>“Be kind to yourself. Be your own sweetheart.”</b></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Why do we have to be harsh with ourselves? Why is it okay and accepted for us to constantly tell ourselves (and sometimes others) that we’re not and never will be good enough? Who is that helping? We may sometimes see that attitude in ourselves as humility, but it’s not. It’s false humility, because instead of being confident in who we are yet not boasting about it, we say unkind things about ourselves. When we do those sort of things, I firmly believe it deeply saddens our Creator. He made us to be completely unique, and yet we’re telling him, “God, you messed up.”</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I will echo what my yoga instructor told us - Be kind to yourself. Be your own sweetheart. Love yourself - if we don’t learn how to love and accept ourselves, we’ll find it almost impossible to love and accept those around us. If we throw off the yoke of media and social pressure, we’ll find it much easier to be content and comfortable with who God made us to be. You weren’t a mistake, and neither was anyone else. God didn’t mess up with you, nor did he mess up with anyone else. He loves you perfectly right in this moment, exactly as you are. He’s not going to love you more in the future, and he didn’t love you less in the past. He simply loves you just the way he made you.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>I'm beautiful, and so are you.</b></span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b><br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Psalm 139:13-16</span></div>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them.”</span></div>
Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11369943790276795144noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3263854726392102311.post-44507353940316672452014-10-22T17:04:00.000-05:002014-10-23T09:09:30.154-05:00Mending Wounds and Moving On.<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sometimes in life we have to make the hard decisions. Sometimes we have to make decisions based not on what we want to do, but rather what we believe is necessary. For Eric and I, one of those decisions came a few weeks ago, and I wanted you, my faithful readers, to be aware of what happened.</span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-c262d310-39e2-2689-337a-1de3ad565dcc" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As many of you know, last month I wrote a post on how Eric and I would not be returning to our church for a while due to a sermon series on “Parenting” that would have been too painful for us. I made sure to explain that we loved (and still do) our church family and we weren’t angry, but we would have rathered that the specific topic of parenting not be preached on a Sunday morning (we’re fine with and completely in favor of parenting classes either after church or on another day).</span></div>
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<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Unfortunately, because of that post, I was the recipient of ostracization (I don't think that's a word, but you get the idea) and judgment by some in the church. I was told that my post was just a rant that was unloving, unbiblical, and destructive. I became very concerned when this was told to me, so I asked close friends if my post seemed like I was just on an angry rant. Each one of them said no, so I was very confused why I received these accusations. </span></div>
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<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This situation with a few individuals covered the span of about a week and a half. I emailed the pastor and asked for his thoughts on the parenting series, and when he told me, I respectfully disagreed. I also told him that because of judgment from some members of the church, unless it was resolved and apologies made, Eric and I would not be returning.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Some people may think that we made a rash decision, and that makes sense. It was a very quick decision, but it didn’t come without a lot of thought, prayer, and wisdom from friends and family. We understand that it’s hard to hear a church you believe in be criticized, and we know that it’s hard to know what to do in those situations. We still love the people at that church, but because we don’t feel it is a safe environment for us to be who we are and have our thoughts and opinions without judgment, we made the decision to leave. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Though it was a quick decision, it was anything but easy. I shed many tears thinking about leaving our newly-found community, and I had no desire to look for churches again. However, even though we had been at the church for a year and still hadn’t made deep connections with people, we decided that walking away was the healthiest decision for us.</span></div>
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<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m not proud of the situation that unfolded with people in the church. I’m not bitter towards them, and I will eventually forgive them for the way I was treated. The biggest emotion I feel is simply just sadness. I’m sad that our community had to disappear because of a decision Eric and I made, and I’m sad that a post I had put much thought and emotion into was ripped apart. </span></div>
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<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m sad that those we tried connecting with didn’t seem to grasp that I’m a blogger, and I write everything with a tremendous amount of passion and thought. I blog because I am passionate about people, the church, and issues that arise within culture and Christian culture. I’m passionate about being a voice to those who may not have one on sensitive topics. I know not many people read my blog on a daily basis, but for those who do, I am and want to be vocal about my thoughts and opinions. </span></div>
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<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">After we left, we decided that it was extremely important to us to find a community that loves and accepts us for who we are - even if they sometimes disagree. A close friend of mine had been telling me for months that her church was wonderful and devoted to community in more than just church attendance and programs. In fact, this church hesitates to say any events are from the church itself, because they want to promote believers doing life with one another instead of just being involved in programs. </span></div>
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<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We visited that church a few weeks ago (they meet on Tuesday nights, which is awesome) and immediately fell in love with it. Through working at the seminary I already knew a few people there, but even those we didn’t know reached out to meet us and make us feel welcome. We came on a night that they were doing an introduction to the church after the service, and it was phenomenal to see who the church is and why they do what they do. We agreed so fervently with their values and ideals that we jumped right in to getting involved.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We know that our new church isn’t and won’t be perfect. We know that we’ll encounter conflict and disagreements with others, but because the church’s underlying purpose is our passion, we will do what it takes to make things work there. Even though we’ve only been a few times, so far we already feel more connected than we did in the entire year at our other church.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I want to reiterate that we are not angry with the people from our previous church for what happened. While we are disappointed, we know that good has come from this. We have learned so much about ourselves, what’s important to us, and how to talk with others. We’ve learned what’s most important to us in attending a church, and we’ve learned that it’s possible to have community that fully accepts us (and is a little awkward like we are).</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So what does this mean for the future? It means that Eric and I are focused on continual growth, and we are now in an environment where we feel freedom to do that at our own pace. It means that my posts will almost certainly pertain to things we are discussing in church, because their passions are my passions. It means that we’ll begin to have a real community and hopefully develop deep friendships.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">To you, my friends, I pray that you have (or can find) a community of people who loves you just as you are, but also spurs you towards growth. I pray that we can be a body of believers who love one another and are focused on unity even in disagreements, and I pray that we can reach out to meet the hurting where they’re at and minister to them accordingly.</span>Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11369943790276795144noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3263854726392102311.post-62970513045324197972014-09-23T10:04:00.000-05:002014-09-23T10:04:26.055-05:00We'll Be "Bedside Baptists" For Now.<div class="MsoNormal">
For the next several weeks, Eric and I will not be attending
church. It’s not because we’re lazy, and it’s not because we don’t think church
is important – it’s because we’ve specifically decided not to sit in the sermon
series. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Let me make myself clear. We love our church, and we think
it’s good and healthy for people to be involved in a community of other
believers for multiple reasons – encouragement, accountability, growth, etc. We
personally don’t attend church to hear the preaching. It’s great to be taught
Scripture, but we attend church to meet with God and fellowship with other
believers. However, sometimes (very rarely) it’s important to know whether or
not a specific sermon series will be damaging. For us, that’s these next few
weeks.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Two weeks ago, our church started a sermon series on <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">parenting</b>. This comes right on the
heels of my previous post on how Eric and I may never have our own children. Do
I think parenting is a great topic? Absolutely. I think a church needs to be
involved in that area of people’s lives. But here’s my issue: it’s extremely,
extremely alienating to those who aren’t in that specific stage of life. I
truly believe our church had every good intention in doing this sermon series,
but Eric and I both agree that this topic is best left out of a Sunday message.
Why? Because the congregation comprises SO many more people than just parents and more than just the ones who don’t want to have kids.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A couple weeks ago, I looked around at our congregation from
the back row and wondered what kind of stories people have. There could
definitely be many people who don’t want to have children, and thus don’t have
a problem with a parenting sermon, even if they can’t really relate to it. But
what about those people who desperately want kids but can’t have them? What
about those people who have had multiple miscarriages? What about those people
who have had their children pass away? What about those people whose children
are grown and they didn’t parent them in the specific way that’s being preached
about?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My heart aches especially for those who want kids but can’t
have them. Though I don’t want kids at the moment, I have a small taste of what
it feels like, and it’s awful. A Sunday sermon series would only bring that
pain into full view, and I absolutely believe that it would be way more
damaging that constructive for those people.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I can’t say for sure how I would react to listening to a
parenting series, but I don’t want to take the chance. It not only doesn’t
apply to us, but it also could cause that pain to intensify. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Let me say again – I think it’s very important for churches
to be involved in the parenting aspect of people’s lives. However, I absolutely
don’t believe it should be talked about on a Sunday morning, simply because
there are a multitude of different stories and situations that people come
from. To assume that all (or even the majority) of the congregation would
benefit from that series is dangerous and, again, damaging. I think it’s a
phenomenal topic to offer an evening class on so that those whose lives it
applies to can choose to participate.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Eric and I really, really love our church. We love the
people we’re getting to know, and we love the fact that we’re starting to get
involved. But sometimes there are moments in which we disagree with the church
(and I think this happens with everyone), and we have to do what’s healthiest
for us. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
We’ll certainly be back in church when the next series is
started, but this is one that we have chosen to say, “No” to.<o:p></o:p></div>
Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11369943790276795144noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3263854726392102311.post-36658223499257163302014-09-06T13:37:00.000-05:002014-09-06T13:55:10.777-05:00Life Without Children.<div class="MsoNormal">
This is a hard post for me to write. It may be one of the
most vulnerable moments I’ve ever had in my writing, and it scares me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Eric and I have discussed a lot in the past year the
possibility of having children. We’ve both come to the conclusion that we may
never have our own biological kids. I can’t say that conclusion was an easy one
– it’s a little easier for Eric than it is for me. Though I don’t want children
now, I know there’s still an ache in my heart that longs to be pregnant and
experience what it’s like to bear and raise a child. However, we’ve both seen
that it may not be in the cards for us. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One of the major reasons for our conclusion is my health. My
liver disease is very serious, and if, during pregnancy, one of my bile ducts
closed, I wouldn’t be able to get it opened up. Having it opened up requires
general anesthesia, and this isn’t possible while pregnant. My hepatologist has
even told me that she doesn’t want me getting pregnant, at least not right now.
If I were to get pregnant, I would be very high-risk and would need to be
watched closely. Neither Eric nor I are willing to take that risk. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Most of the time, I’m completely fine with not having kids.
I see new parents all around me completely stressed out and exhausted, and I
don’t envy that. I’m certain that it’s all worth it for them, but that kind of
exhaustion is not something I want right now. Eric and I are in great places in
our jobs, and we’re loving being successful at what we’re doing.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We also love our life together. We’re best friends, in every
sense of the word. We absolutely love spending time with each other, and we
both have dreams to travel the world and experience new things with one
another. We’re not ready or wanting that to change anytime soon. Again, I’m not
making a judgment on anyone who has kids – I’m certain that all the changes are
worth it, but we’re not in a place to make that change yet.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It makes me sad when I hear people look down on couples who
have decided either not to get pregnant anytime soon or not to get pregnant at
all. We all have different walks in this life, and just because some people
decide not to have children doesn’t mean that they are any less mature or
“adult” than another couple. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Eric and I have very valid reasons not to have children
(right now). Yes, most of it has to do with my health, but we also have no
desire for the kind of hard work and sacrifice it would take to be parents.
That’s not to say that if we had a surprise pregnancy we wouldn’t be thrilled,
but we both know that we’re not at a place where we’re ready or okay with
taking on that kind of responsibility. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
However…I still have an ache inside. Though I’m so happy for
my family and friends who are in that stage of life, I also mourn for what may
never be. As silly as it is, ever since I was in high school, I would sometimes
talk to my belly about the future children that would be housed inside. I made
a Pinterest board for “the future,” filled with baby room ideas and adorable
decorations and outfits. We’ve been asked by multiple people in the past, “When
are you going to have kids,” and we’ve been able to answer with a positive “Not
now, but maybe soon!” Those questions have thankfully disappeared, but the ache
from past questions still remains. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Though I love seeing pictures and posts from friends who are
pregnant or have just had children, sometimes I have to distance myself from
Facebook in order not to become envious or angry that I may never have that
opportunity. Sometimes the pain is just too much. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know many of you are probably saying, “You’re only 25, you
have plenty of time.” Yes, I realize that I have many child-bearing years ahead
of me. However, my health certainly may never permit that, even if Eric and I
come to a point that we want kids. I’m terrified of that possibility. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
However, I still have hope. Through the ache and through the
future uncertainty, I know that I have a great God. I also know that just
because we may never have our own biological children, that doesn’t mean we’ll
never have kids. Adoption has been on my heart for quite some time now, and
even though it’s expensive and far off into the future, I would love for that
to one day become a reality. Though I may miss out on the miracle of pregnancy,
I would be thrilled to give a child a home and call him/her our own. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But for now, I plan on enjoying every second I have with my
amazing husband, and our adorable (and crazy) cat. I love my little family, and I dote on my nieces and nephew any chance I get. If I have any advice for
those reading this, it would be to please be sensitive to those couples who don’t have
children. You may have no idea what they’re struggling with, and to just assume
that they’re being selfish and immature for not having children is very
damaging. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Those couples may be struggling through health issues,
infertility, miscarriages, or a multitude of other things. Or, quite frankly,
they may just not want children (and I believe that’s okay, too). We’re all on
different paths in this life, so let’s not make the mistake of believing
everyone must live the way we do.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And though this may seem silly and insignificant, please do
not make judgments on those who call their pets “children,” or “babies.” It may
seem ridiculous to you, but to someone who is infertile, it may be the only way
they can feel like a parent. Please don’t devalue those who take pride in their
pets. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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We may never know what another person is dealing with.
Please be sensitive to any and all who don’t have children, because your words
and judgments may be far more damaging that you’ll ever realize. <o:p></o:p></div>
Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11369943790276795144noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3263854726392102311.post-66445701954480236752014-08-17T12:51:00.001-05:002014-08-17T12:51:59.394-05:00When Social Media Becomes Destructive.<div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Social media can be a very good thing. We can easily stay updated on the lives of people we love, we can share ideas and beliefs with others, we can create community with those we wouldn't normally commune with, and we can have fun and be entertained.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div>But then sometimes social media can become the driving wedge between friends and loved ones.</div><div><br></div><div>Many of you know that for the past year and a half, I have become heavily involved in an online Twitter community. I started becoming involved when I was realizing my beliefs on certain things changing (becoming a feminist and egalitarian). I didn't know many people in my life who shared those beliefs, so I wanted to reach out online to those I could learn from as I navigated these new thoughts and questions. I started seeing people who were so much like me talk about their frustrations with evangelicalism on Twitter and how they were breaking away from the movement. I resonated so much with them that I began conversing and developing friendships with them. </div><div><br></div><div>I started to express my real opinions on certain topics in a way I never before felt free to do. Previously, I had always expressed opinions that I felt were the most accepted, even if I didn't actually believe them. It was through Twitter that I realized that my beliefs, though unpopular with some, were valid and intelligent. </div><div><br></div><div>Even though it looked as though I was changing drastically in my beliefs and opinions, I don't think that was actually the case. I think I was always a feminist on some level, but I didn't know how to reconcile that with my Christianity. It was through Twitter that I learned how to reconcile both together, and where I became educated on what feminism is and isn't. </div><div><br></div><div>I felt free to talk about my issues with American evangelicalism, and I was grateful to actually be listened to and respected for my thoughts, even if others disagreed. For one of the first times in my life, I truly felt like my opinions were valid. I cannot quite express how freeing this was. </div><div><br></div><div>Then...it started to go downhill. I began to vent and rant about people I knew whom I was frustrated with. I began to talk about customers I had at my coffee shop that treated me badly and made me angry. My words began to drip with mirth and venom. </div><div><br></div><div>Since most of the people I talked to on Twitter were not from my actual life, I thought I could say those things with some sort of anonymity. I thought my judgmental overtones would never be seen by the people I was talking about. I saw others doing the same thing, and I felt justified in my actions. I began to think, "This is what Twitter's for. This is an outlet for me to vent so I don't bottle everything up." What I didn't realize was that it was making me more angry, cynical, and judgmental than I ever was before.</div><div><br></div><div>I was out of control. Anything and everything (and everyone) that made me angry would end up on my Twitter. It was like "word vomit" (for all you Mean Girls fans), and I continued to spiral. This went on for a long time, until it affected someone I love and deeply care for. </div><div>I won't go into specifics, but I said terrible things about this person when I was angry. Even though I knew this person would probably see it, I didn't care. I shrugged my shoulders and thought, "Well, this is what I do, and they can just get over it." I was so desensitized to my actions that I couldn't see the hurt I was inflicting. </div><div><br></div><div>And then I was confronted with the reality of my actions. When I thought I was just venting pent-up anger and frustration, I was actually hurting someone. This wasn't imaginary or theoretical, but it was real. I was inflicting tangible pain on an actual person. </div><div><br></div><div>When I realized what was going on, I didn't want to admit it at first. I didn't want to admit my culpability, nor did I want to think I had done something really, really wrong. My pride overtook any feeling of guilt or conviction, and I just shoved all those thoughts of wrongdoing to the back of my mind.</div><div><br></div><div>It came to a point, though, when I couldn't hide it any longer. I had to come face-to-face with my actions, and it hurt. I didn't want to deal with that. It was so much easier to pretend nothing happened so I wouldn't have to deal with the pain I had caused.</div><div><br></div><div>I almost lost a dear friend permanently because of my actions. Though I had alienated others through my words, nothing struck to my core like thinking one of the people I cared about most in this world could be gone from my life forever because of what I'd done. I knew I had to do whatever I could to make things right.</div><div><br></div><div>Much like the ending of Mean Girls, it was in that moment that I knew I needed to start sucking the poison out of my life. My first priority was to be reconciled with this person I had deeply wronged. By the grace of God and this person's compassion and mercy, that is exactly what happened. I will be forever grateful for the love and forgiveness I received even though my actions were deplorable and I deserved to be cast off.</div><div><br></div><div>My second action was to eliminate Twitter from my life. I still retain some good friendships from my time there, but I knew that Twitter had become such a destructive piece of my life. I couldn't continue being there with peace in my heart. Though I would have tried to change how I approached things, I knew that eventually I'd get into the same terrible cycle and hurt more people. That is a risk I'm not willing to take.</div><div><br></div><div>I honestly don't know who else I've hurt in this whole mess. Twitter is a public forum, and I can only imagine how many people saw what I wrote and were shocked/offended by what I said. My heart breaks to know that I have most likely alienated multiple people.</div><div><br></div><div>If you're reading this and you're one of those people I've alienated, please know that I'm deeply, deeply sorry. My actions were reprehensible and uncalled for. My desire (though it scares me) is to know who I've alienated/hurt so I can apologize to you specifically. If I have completely lost your trust or respect, I understand. Your feelings and thoughts are valid. What I've done is inexcusable. </div><div><br></div><div>I am a deeply flawed individual, but I am learning. Thank you to those who have accepted me back and given me room to grow and make mistakes - I am so grateful and blessed to have you in my life. You all know that I'm far from perfect and I will continue making those mistakes, but you love me anyway. There are no words to express the depth of my gratitude. </div><div><br></div><div>Moving forward, I know I will stumble again at some point. I know I tend to be an opinionated and judgmental person, and that this will continue to be a struggle throughout my life. What matters, though, is not that we stumble, but rather that we get back up and try again. As my wise husband has said, "It's not what you did wrong that matters - it's what you did to make things right."</div><div>Again, to all those I've hurt or made angry, please accept my deepest apologies. There is never an excuse to behave the way I did, no matter how frustrated or upset I may be. </div><div><br></div><div>I hope that my online presence through this blog and my Facebook will become a source of light and hope instead of the darkness it has recently been. Thank you for sticking with me in this mess - I am so grateful for you.</div><div><br></div>Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11369943790276795144noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3263854726392102311.post-22675782625006981872014-06-18T09:29:00.001-05:002014-06-18T10:19:23.305-05:00Joel Osteen and the Lie of the Prosperity Gospel<div class="MsoNormal">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiExhLOHeaxb3ClY7juXXnlUYj4MQ-xqfbsGvj9baYHP-EkJaew6C7UcFGknzMQKHI41bE3rG3LyYHRa2GmJGbHNuiih0wgwWEINmn7-0IJ2QBUN8hl7To2fJMLpRu5vYvkjdkUEtxm3CnK/s1600/joel-osteen.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiExhLOHeaxb3ClY7juXXnlUYj4MQ-xqfbsGvj9baYHP-EkJaew6C7UcFGknzMQKHI41bE3rG3LyYHRa2GmJGbHNuiih0wgwWEINmn7-0IJ2QBUN8hl7To2fJMLpRu5vYvkjdkUEtxm3CnK/s1600/joel-osteen.jpg" height="220" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">(photo taken from Google images)</span></div>
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I don’t want to start this post stating all the reasons I’m
not a fan of Joel Osteen, but I do want to discuss some problems with his
belief system. For those who don’t know, Joel Osteen is the founder of Joel
Osteen Ministries, and he pastors Lakewood Church in Houston, Texas. You can
find his website <a href="http://www.joelosteen.com/">here</a>. I will readily admit that he is a great
humanitarian who has done (and is doing) many good things for people around the
world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He and his wife Victoria are
“…involved in vaccination programs, abandoned baby centers, and centers for
young troubled teens looking for a new life and a fresh start. [They] are
helping feed the hungry, clothe the needy and provide hope to the hopeless”
(taken from joelosteen.com).<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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However, the kind of “gospel” he promotes is not what I
would describe to be the actual Gospel of Jesus Christ.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I was introduced to Joel Osteen’s church when I was in high
school and stumbled upon his telecast on TBN. As I started watching, I realized
that everything he was saying sounded really, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">really </i>good. He talked about “living in victory,” “living
abundantly,” and that our faith in Christ would show itself to be true through
our mental, physical, emotional, and financial lives. I began to think, “Yeah!
That makes sense!” <o:p></o:p></div>
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Joel Osteen is clearly passionate about Christians living in
“victory.” In the beliefs section on his website, his last point is,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“…As children of God, we are overcomers and
more than conquerors and God intends for each of us to experience the abundant
life He has in store for us.” What does this mean, exactly?<o:p></o:p></div>
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The definition of the Prosperity Gospel, according to
Wikipedia, is “…a Christian religious doctrine that financial blessing is the
will of God for Christians, and that faith, positive speech, and donations to
Christian ministries will always increase one’s material wealth.” This is the
foundation on which Joel Osteen bases his belief of living in “victory.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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However, what do we see when we look at Scripture?<o:p></o:p></div>
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In John 16, as Jesus is speaking with his disciples, he says
to them, “Do you finally believe? But the time is coming – indeed it’s here now
– when you will be scattered, each one going his own way, leaving me alone. Yet
I am not alone because the Father is with me. I have told you all this so that
you may have peace in me.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> Here on earth
you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I </i>have overcome the world”</b>(NLT). <o:p></o:p></div>
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Followers of Christ have historically been known to suffer
hardship – we see this in the lives of Peter, Paul, Luke, and many others. We
see this in the persecuted church worldwide, where people are being tortured
and killed for their faith. Paul himself describes the hardships he faced in 2
Corinthians 11:23b-27:<o:p></o:p></div>
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“I know I sound like a madman, but I have served [Christ]
far more! I have worked harder, been put in prison more often, been whipped
times without number, and faced death again and again. Five different times the
Jewish leaders gave me thirty-nine lashes. Three times I was beaten with rods.
Once I was stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked. Once I spent a whole night
and a day adrift at sea. I have raveled o many long journeys. I have faced
danger from rivers and from robbers. I have faced danger from my own people,
the Jews, as well as from the Gentiles. I have faced danger in the cities, in
the deserts, and on the seas. And I have faced danger from men who claim to be
believers but are not. I have worked hard and long, enduring many sleepless
nights. I have been hungry and thirsty and have often gone without food. I have
shivered in the cold, without enough clothing to keep me warm.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Clearly, Paul experienced many, many hardships in following
Christ. Does this mean every believer must experience the same things he did?
Absolutely not – but I don’t think the Christian life was ever meant to be
lived in material “victory.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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To the contrary, I believe the Christian life was meant to
be difficult, but it is our responsibility to find contentment in Christ amidst
our difficult circumstances. In his letter to the Philippians, Paul says, “…<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">I have learned how to be content with
whatever I have</b>. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I
have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full
stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through
Christ, who gives me strength.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Mountains and valleys exist in the lives of every human
being. We experience heartache, tragedy, illness, job-loss, etc. Christians are
not exempt from this – we must experience the realities of our broken world
just as everyone else does. Jesus never promised that we would have easy or
“abundant” lives. He only promised that he would be with us in our
circumstances. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<i style="text-align: right;">Over the next weeks, I will be discussing more in depth
about this topic (and may do a chapter-by-chapter review of one of his books),
and why I believe the Prosperity Gospel is a lie that too many Christians tend
to believe. I hope you’ll join me on this journey. <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></i></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11369943790276795144noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3263854726392102311.post-52767793905121487672014-05-05T11:22:00.000-05:002014-05-05T11:22:19.870-05:00Live in Peace.<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">as far as it depends on you</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: </span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<b id="docs-internal-guid-549f95c2-cd0a-db3e-7d77-be105b970b18" style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">“If your enemy is hungry feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.</span></span></div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">- Romans 12:17-21 (NIV; Emphasis added)</span></span></div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Most of us have encountered this situation. We’ve encountered someone in our lives that we want to reconcile with and make things work, but either the other person isn’t interested, or for some unknown reason the issues, hurts, or problems are irreparable. </span></span></div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">In the summer of 2010 between my Junior and Senior years of college, I was an intern for a youth group. It was a large youth group, so there were 3 male and 2 female interns. Upon meeting my fellow leaders, I was excited about what the summer could bring and what we could accomplish as a team. However, I was mistaken in my excitement. Instead of a great relationship and teamwork with the other female intern, it turned into almost a competition. At one point during the summer when I told her I would like to be a team, she said, “You do whatever you want. I’m going to do everything I can to learn as much as possible, and I’m going to do things on my own.” </span></span></div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">At that point, I knew nothing could be done. Even though I tried to invite her to events such as sleepovers with some of the students, she wouldn’t show up and neglected to invite me to things she did. Let me be clear, though. As hurt as I was by many things during the summer, I wasn’t perfect either. I talked about her to people (including students, which was a terrible decision), I lashed out at her in anger one day, and by the end of the summer I simply refused to talk to her. I was so angry that she didn’t want to work together, because that was something I had so desired. I was angry that I heard from other students that she had talked about me (even though I had done the same thing), and I left for school bitter and resentful.</span></span></div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">A couple weeks went by, and I realized that my actions were wrong - I needed to apologize and attempt to reconcile. Without giving much detail, I sent her a message that was left unresponded to, and when I tried to talk to her, I instead received threatening emails from her brother and her best friend. At that point, I wanted reconciliation so much, or at least a chance to talk through things. But she wasn’t interested. I was so frustrated, because I couldn’t understand why a Christian would want to live in bitterness or resentment toward another person instead of at least moving to a place of closure.</span></span></div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I began to see things as my fault. I began to blame myself for the entire situation, and I felt as though I was a horrible person. It was then that Eric (my boyfriend at the time, now husband), grabbed me by the shoulders and said, </span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“Bethany. It’s okay. Were you perfect? No. Did you make mistakes and hurt her? Absolutely. Does that matter now? No. Why? </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Because you’ve done everything you can to correct things. And that’s all you’re responsible for.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">”</span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I was floored by this. Really? I’m not defined by my mistakes, but rather what I do to make things right? That made so much sense, and yet it was so difficult for me to grasp. I always believed that I was defined by my faults - I was constantly looking for places to “start over” or have a “clean slate,” because I didn’t want to be around anyone who knew how flawed I was or what kind of mistakes I made in my past. But that’s not how it works - while there are those who don’t want to admit it, we’ve all made mistakes we wish to move on from.</span></span></div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">“As far is it depends on you, live in peace with everyone.”</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I tried to work things out with the other female intern - I had done everything I could think of (including calling her, asking our boss to mediate between us, etc), and nothing had worked. At that point, I had a decision to make:</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I could either keep on trying to no avail (and making things worse for myself emotionally in the process), or I could let go and move on.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></span></div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">It took about 3 years to fully let go, simply because I was so rocked by the situation. But as I began to heal, I realized the freedom that letting go brings - it allowed me not to blame myself. I was able to forgive the other female intern for the way she treated me, to forgive myself for the things I had done, and most importantly, I was able to accept that I was forgiven by God. I knew God didn’t look down on me with anger or judgment - He knows exactly what I’ve done to make the situation right, and that’s all the matters. </span></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If you’re facing a situation of this sort now, or if you have in the past, there is hope. God doesn’t view you in light of your past mistakes or failings. </span><span style="font-size: 15px; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You are forgiven. You are loved. </span><span style="font-size: 15px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Your mistakes don’t define you, nor does the other person’s refusal to work through things. It’ll take time to push through. It’ll take time to heal. But in the end, you’ll be a stronger person. You’ll be a better person, because you won’t allow yourself to do the same things that were done to you. It’s a journey, and it’s a difficult one. </span><span style="font-size: 15px; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But with faith, hope, and Love, you can make it through.</span></span></div>
Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11369943790276795144noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3263854726392102311.post-62207594251911699532014-05-03T13:29:00.000-05:002014-05-03T14:43:36.064-05:00There's Room for Questions.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRL3V6Efd9cMNJ7xCUscwDOXuhmEzbVqOcoCWGTauLf8SbnCEujUl3jXeAM5j-OMs9ubuPZslG1ZnCkmRorC23ZzihPEKNxCMGJ1CEp1ERh4EcArMS0kVat7olNn55-lxwz1sAUgi3Z32O/s1600/lightstock_486_comp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRL3V6Efd9cMNJ7xCUscwDOXuhmEzbVqOcoCWGTauLf8SbnCEujUl3jXeAM5j-OMs9ubuPZslG1ZnCkmRorC23ZzihPEKNxCMGJ1CEp1ERh4EcArMS0kVat7olNn55-lxwz1sAUgi3Z32O/s1600/lightstock_486_comp.jpg" height="425" width="640" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>It's okay to ask questions.</i></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>It's okay not to know the answer to everything.</i></div>
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>It's okay to sit in the gray for a while.</i></div>
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>It's simply okay.</i></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
Since my most recent post about stating publicly that I'm a feminist, I've had quite a different response than the one I was expecting. I admitted that while I would label myself as a feminist because I believe women should be equal to men, I still have questions about some other things that would follow in being a feminist. Because of this, I received a lot of backlash from a few people. Granted, most people supported me and understood where I'm at, and I'm thankful for those people. But there were still many others who said rude and hurtful things.<br />
<br />
I stated that I don't know where I stand on whether women should be lead pastors or not. A lot of this has to do with the fact that my upbringing has that belief, and a lot of it has to do with the fact that I haven't done a ton of research on it. Is that my fault? Absolutely. But the bottom line remains -- <b>I still have questions. </b><br />
<b><br /></b>
I won't apologize for having questions. I won't apologize for being forthright in what I'm struggling with. I would much rather be honest about my difficulties in faith than hide it and become bitter, resentful and end up walking away altogether.<br />
<br />
Whether we want to admit it or not, there are gatekeepers on both ends of the spectrum of faith. If you ask too many questions (or the "wrong" questions) on either side, you're tossed out and told, "You don't belong here," or, "You're not like us," or, "Come back when you agree with us."<br />
<br />
When did this become an accepted way to do things? As my pastor said during service on Easter, "When did it become okay for us to be bouncers for Jesus and faith? When did it become okay for us to decide who gets to be admitted?"<br />
<br />
I don't take feminism lightly. I firmly believe that women deserve equal rights. I firmly believe that Jesus was very countercultural in the way he viewed women, and he saw them as equals. I firmly believe that sexism and misogyny are still very real in our society, and that while we've come a long way from the past, we still have a long way to go. I firmly believe that women are not only mistreated in society, but in the church as well.<br />
<br />
I also firmly believe in respecting one another. I firmly believe that relationships with people are far more important than any defense of my ideology. <b>If anything I say or do causes someone I care about to feel alienated, rejected, or hurt, I've done something wrong and I've lost focus.</b><br />
<br />
We were never called to be gatekeepers. We were never called to injure anyone, much less one of our own. We were never called to let anger and bitterness reign over love and forgiveness. We were never meant to expect that people must believe everything we do in order to be acceptable. We were never called to push people out.<br />
<br />
There is (or should be) room at the table for everyone, regardless of the questions they have or the struggles they face. There should be inclusion, love, understanding, and care for those who simply don't know.<br />
<br />
I pray that we can be Christians who love, respect, and include those asking questions instead of being exclusive and only letting a "select few" in.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11369943790276795144noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3263854726392102311.post-29546859269674396112014-04-30T17:56:00.000-05:002014-05-01T14:35:34.198-05:00I Am a Feminist.<div class="MsoNormal">
I am a Christian.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I am a Feminist.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For those who don’t know, I have labeled myself as a
feminist for quite some time now (especially in my Twitter community), but
because of certain events, I believe it’s time for me to declare publicly* that I am a
Christian Feminist.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Why now?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In my life, I’ve had different situations happen where I
have felt discriminated against because I’m a woman, but never more so as what
happened to me very recently. Without divulging too much information, a man
refused to speak to me about my beliefs, but would only talk to my husband. He
told Eric that as my husband, Eric is my “God-appointed authority,” and that he
needs to discuss my beliefs with me so that we could come to a decision about
what I should and shouldn’t believe. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That’s definitely not word-for-word, but you get the idea.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
First of all, I wasn’t allowed to defend myself as a person
and wasn’t worth being talked to directly about my beliefs, and secondly, I am
somehow not supposed to have my own thoughts and beliefs.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am angry.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am offended.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am horrified.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Why?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because I am a fellow human being. Because as such I deserve
basic courteous treatment such as being listened to. I told him specifically
that I was not okay with him talking to Eric about my beliefs, but he refused
to respect that. I deserve basic human respect, such as acknowledgement of my
words. This shouldn’t be that hard, but apparently it is.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This man hardly knows me – he only knows about me from a
distance, and has no right to speak into my life. And yet, here he was,
disrespecting me in almost more than I’ve ever been disrespected before.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am a firm believer that Christianity and Feminism aren’t
and shouldn’t be mutually exclusive. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
know that the word “Feminist” is a buzz word for many, and I understand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many people in the past have gone to the
other extreme in their beliefs and desired female supremacy. I am not one of
those people. I define Feminism as true equality between men and women, not
only in function, but in treatment and value as well. I believe women were
created as equal beings to men, and I also believe that Jesus championed equality
for women in his ministry. I believe strongly in the equality of all people
which means I disagree with discrimination between both minorities AND
majorities.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A few articles have been floating around online that speak
against Christian Feminism, but as an egalitarian, I think it’s so important. I
believe in fighting for equal rights and treatment for women not only in
society, but in the church as well.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And for those who believe that equality has been reached,
the way I was treated recently is evidence that that’s not the case. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some may say, “Well, that guy is just the
exception.” That’s not the case, either. I have heard story after story from
other women I know who have received similar (and often times) worse treatment
than what I experienced.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sexism is very much alive today, and while we’ve certainly
come far from where things were, we still have a long way to go. But I’m
willing to fight. I’m willing to take a stand and say that women deserve to be
just as respected and valued as men. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I will be honest in admitting I’m not certain where I stand
as far as leadership of women in the church, but that would be more because I
haven’t studied both sides enough to fully know what I think and believe. Do I
believe women should have leadership positions and be active members of the
church? Absolutely. Do I believe women should be lead pastors or elders? I’m
not sure. This is something I’m learning and growing in, so we’ll see where I
end up in the future. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Stand with me, friends. Stand with me to fight for equality
– and not just between genders. Stand and fight for equality for all people,
because that’s what we deserve as human beings.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
*I was made aware that my previous wording of "coming out as a Feminist" was a poor choice. I apologize for that misstep.</div>
Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11369943790276795144noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3263854726392102311.post-66446487890507593792014-02-20T15:37:00.002-06:002014-02-20T15:37:56.639-06:00How to Love Those with Chronic Illnesses: Do You Give Advice?This post has been a long time in the making, but some recent events in my life have caused me to actually write everything down.<br />
<br />
I have noticed a pattern in my life that once I tell people I have a chronic illness, suddenly I'm bombarded with unsolicited statistics and "facts" about certain diets, activities, pills, etc. that are supposed to change my life drastically and even cause my disease to disappear.<br />
<br />
I'm not saying these people are terrible or wrong, and I'm certain they have good intentions. However, I would say they're a little... <i><b>misguided.</b></i><br />
<br />
Here's a few reasons why:<br />
<br />
<b>1. It Comes Across as Arrogance.</b><br />
<br />
You may have the best intentions in the world - you just want to see us healthy and doing well. Those sentiments are definitely appreciated, but often times when someone talks to me about what I should be doing and eating in order to be healthy, it makes me feel as though: <i><b>a. </b></i>They believe I'm not doing those things right now, <i><b>b. </b></i>They know what's good for me better than I do.<br />
<br />
Please don't misunderstand me - I'm certain there are a number of people out there who are experts on nutrition and health. However, if I haven't asked for advice, it's likely that I either have a plan, or I'm not at a place where I want a plan of action at the moment.<br />
<br />
<b>2. It Makes Us Feel as Though You're not Listening.</b><br />
<br />
This is a really big one for me. When someone tries to tell me about a diet or pill that would help me, sometimes I just need to politely decline and say, "You know, I'm really glad that works for you, but I don't think it's something that will help me."<br />
<b> </b><br />
...And then they don't stop.<br />
<br />
Unsolicited advice is frustrating, I'm not gonna lie. But when I decline and the person continues to tell me how great it would be, it makes me feel as though they care more about doing what they think I should do than what I know for a fact is good for me. Again, I'm not saying this is their conscious intention, but that's how it makes me feel as well as many others with chronic illnesses.<br />
<br />
<b>3. What Works For You May not Work for Me.</b><br />
<br />
Going along with the last point - if there's anything I've learned in the 18 years I've struggled with illness, it's that no two people are exactly alike. There is no specific formula for health. Each person responds differently to certain foods, medicines, etc. I am so happy for the people who have found what works for them, and I know there are general rules of health that are good to follow (eating fruits and vegetables, keeping sugar intake to a minimum, etc.).<br />
<b> </b><br />
However, the fact still remains that certain diets that work for others absolutely will not work for me. For example, my sister needs to be gluten-free because of her illnesses. However, it would be a bad decision for me to be gluten-free, because I digest things differently and I need that substance. I was also recently offered an (all-natural) pill that was supposed to cut the pain from my liver disease in half, and double my energy. The problem with that, though, is if I'm feeling pain from my PSC, then I need to be seen by my doctor. So if I'm taking something that causes me not to feel that pain (which I'm not certain if that would work anyway), then I could be in trouble.<br />
<br />
<b>4. Chronic Illnesses are Complicated.</b><br />
<br />
That's the bottom line. Chronic illnesses are very complicated, and cannot always (or often) be solved with dieting, exercise, or different pills/vitamins. I fully agree that eating healthy and staying active are good for anyone and those things should be done, but again - it looks different for everyone. Just because I may not be doing the same thing as you doesn't mean that I'm not healthy.<br />
<b> </b><br />
My doctors keep telling me that aside from my two diseases, I'm extremely healthy. I'm at a healthy weight, I have very low blood pressure, low cholesterol, and all my counts on blood tests (besides my liver enzymes) are really good. This shows me that I'm doing something right, and I will continue to do what I know to be good for me.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>5. If We Want Advice, We Will Ask.</b><br />
<br />
Please be conscious of this, and please follow it - those of us with chronic illnesses are constantly inundated with what we should or shouldn't eat (especially those of us with digestive diseases), and it can easily overwhelm us. If we're close to you, we either trust you enough to hear unsolicited advice, or we will ask for advice when we want/need it. If you're questioning whether we want to hear advice or not, it's probably a safe bet that we don't.<br />
<b> </b><br />
I have no problem with people asking me if they can give me advice, as long as they're okay with a "no" answer. If you're not okay with me saying no, then please consider not asking in the first place, and not giving the unsolicited advice.<br />
<br />
-------------------------------<br />
<br />
Those of us with chronic illnesses really do care about the people in our lives, and we know you care about us. However, we often times feel alone and misunderstood, and that feeling gets exponentially worse when we're not listened to or it's assumed that we're not taking care of ourselves.<br />
<br />
How do you care for the people in your life who suffer from chronic illnesses?<br />
<br />
<b>Love them. </b><br />
<b>Be there for them. </b><br />
<b>Listen to them. </b><br />
<b>Comfort them.</b><br />
<b>Be willing to admit you don't have all the answers, just like we don't.</b><br />
<i><b><br /></b></i>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><b>If people are able to do those things, sufferers of chronic illnesses will feel much more loved and understood - and chances are, we'll begin to trust you enough to ask for your advice.</b></i></div>
Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11369943790276795144noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3263854726392102311.post-72960303310410488802013-12-09T18:32:00.000-06:002013-12-09T18:32:17.997-06:00Highway Emotional Breakdown.<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I had a full-blown emotional breakdown on I-25 today. </span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid--3449aaa-d9e5-38e6-90d3-7e23d644f57e" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I was on my way home from my GI (Gastroenterology) appointment when I called my dad to talk to him about what the doctor and I had discussed (Eric’s at work and I always need to verbally process with someone). </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That’s when everything that happened in the last year hit me like a ton of bricks. For those of you who don’t know, I have Ulcerative Colitis, and I was diagnosed with a rare disease in March called, “Primary Sclerosing Cholangitis.” It’s a degenerative liver disease, which means that somewhere in my probable future looms a liver transplant. The disease is so rare that there’s no treatment for it right now. The only thing I can do is make sure I’m tested to see that the levels aren’t too high and I don’t have any “strictures” (closed pathways) in my bile ducts. On top of that, I recently had a sub-total colectomy. I still have the last 12-inches of my colon, which means I still technically have UC, and I still need to have tests done and take medication. It’s possible that the little colon I have left will become “active,” and I’ll need to have that removed as well.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So there you go.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As I was talking with my dad, I just burst into tears. Through this whole ordeal I’ve really tried to be “strong” and trust God with my health and future. But in that moment I was just.. afraid. I was (and am) afraid of having kids and possibly passing these problems onto them, I was (and am) afraid of my liver failing suddenly, and I was (and am) afraid of my life being cut short because I have these diseases so early in life (I was diagnosed with UC at age 7, and most people aren’t diagnosed with PSC until their 30’s or 40’s). </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">In that moment, fear just completely overwhelmed me. Anyone who knows me knows I’m prone to anxiety anyway, but when there are real-life things to actually be anxious about, it just becomes magnified. I was blubbering on the phone, and I can’t even imagine what the people in the cars next to me were thinking as snot was going everywhere and the tears just wouldn’t stop.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">That’s when my dad started talking. He told me that he understood. He told me that it’s okay for me to feel this way. He told me that because he doesn’t have a serious disease he can only understand so much, but that he “gets it.”</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">He also told me that even though it’s hard, God is trustworthy, and has a plan. Even though I can’t see it now, he has his purposes for why he’s allowed me to deal with these diseases. And while there’s still some fear that remains, hearing that truth was so encouraging and so calming. Even now I’m struggling through tears, but there’s a profound peace in my soul.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We’re all mortal, and we’re all afflicted with different things. Some of us have physical diseases, some have mental diseases. Some have had loved ones pass away too soon, some struggle with infertility and miscarriages, and the list goes on and on. We all have crosses to bear.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I don’t say that flippantly or to say, “Well, everyone’s got something, so just deal with it,” because that’s not how I feel at all. Sometimes just “dealing with it” is impossible. Sometimes it’s the hardest thing in the world to just </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">think </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">about the difficulties we face. I know for me, many times when the thought of my PSC pops into my head, I struggle to fight back the tears. Even if I’m not thinking of the implications, just the word PSC itself brings intense emotions sometimes. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I guess what I’m trying to say to all of you is that, even if I don’t know you, even if I don’t know your specific situation, I get it. Not to the fullest extent that you understand because you’re the only one who knows how deeply it affects you, but to the best of my ability, I understand. It’s hard, and it sucks, and sometimes just surviving the day without a complete breakdown is an accomplishment.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m also not saying that I’ve all of a sudden unlocked the secret of trusting God - because I certainly haven’t. I’m sure tomorrow I’ll wake up and probably go through the same thing all over again. But what I really want to get across is that your emotions, your fear, your anxiety… it’s all okay. I always thought (and still think very often) that I needed to be strong. I needed to put on a brave face and not let anyone think I was struggling, and I wanted to try and trick God into thinking that I can handle it. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But the truth is… I can’t handle it. I simply can’t. If I were trying to walk this journey alone, I wouldn’t be able to do it. I don’t even know where I’d end up, but I know it wouldn’t be pretty. God didn’t give me this because he thinks I can handle it - in fact, it’s just the opposite. My diseases are constant reminders that I cannot walk this life on my own. That faith and trust are vital for my survival - spiritually, emotionally, and even physically. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.15; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m not going to try and get you to believe that I wouldn’t change my diseases if I could, because that’s simply not true. If I had the opportunity to turn it all around, I would do so in less than a heartbeat. I still pray almost every day that God would miraculously heal me (cue the tears), but I know that it’s ultimately his decision. If he decides to heal me, I would be over the moon and would shout his praises. But even if he doesn’t… I still need to learn to praise him. I’m not saying that we should be “happy” about our circumstances, because honestly I think the people who say those types of things are idiots. What I AM saying, though, is that God deserves our praise - even if we can only give a little at a time. As I’m writing this, I’m reminded of a song by Kutless called, “Even If.” [a lyrics music video is posted at the bottom]</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Our Christian culture has become so obsessed with “healing” and “prosperity,” that we’ve forgotten the fact that God doesn’t always (or even often) choose to heal. But in the end… He is still good. He is always good. No matter what. He is unchanging, and he is always for us. I’ve always believed (and still do, even though it’s hard), that everything God does is for my good and for his ultimate glory. I don’t understand all (or even most) of the reasons why he’s allowed me to carry what he has, but I know that he’s with me through it all. And that’s the greatest comfort. </span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I love you, friends. Whatever’s plaguing your heart today, bring it to the Lord. He wants to know your real and raw emotions. The wonderful thing about our God is that we don’t need a mask to come to him. He already knows it all, and is with us through it all, even the raw and “ugly” emotions.</span></div>
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<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Even if the healing doesn’t come</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And life falls apart</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And dreams are still undone</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You are God You are good</span></div>
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<br /><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span>Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11369943790276795144noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3263854726392102311.post-73504209739764105772013-10-08T09:53:00.003-05:002013-10-08T10:02:10.271-05:00Faithfulness.The Lord spoke to my soul this morning.<br />
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This doesn't happen often, but sometimes I feel this great burden from life -- its challenges, heartaches, stresses, etc. I become downtrodden and wonder if I'm capable of the growth and change that I so desperately desire in order to become more like Christ.<br />
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And then... He gives me mornings like today.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNDjLt4iGrdIhbb8n7IQb-h_eQ44ERnSLV049Xpykd1UbGj5iBxeX6efk4gqNI0KV3-2P7m83t_mtSkgxUhytiUbRMJpFNWL2ie4_p1poF-mVqZLeYS2KeA4KqI7VORbjxmppFngskJz3d/s1600/sunrise.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNDjLt4iGrdIhbb8n7IQb-h_eQ44ERnSLV049Xpykd1UbGj5iBxeX6efk4gqNI0KV3-2P7m83t_mtSkgxUhytiUbRMJpFNWL2ie4_p1poF-mVqZLeYS2KeA4KqI7VORbjxmppFngskJz3d/s320/sunrise.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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I was absolutely blown away by this sunrise. This picture (horrible quality with my iPhone..) cannot even do a little justice to the beauty of this morning. Through this gorgeous sunrise, I was reminded of the beauty of my God.<br />
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<i>He is lovely. </i><br />
<i>He is beautiful. </i><br />
<i>He is awesome. </i><br />
<i>He is majestic.</i><br />
<i>He is powerful.</i><br />
<i>He is faithful.</i><br />
<i>He is good.</i><br />
<i>He is mighty.</i><br />
<i>He is wonderful.</i><br />
<i>He is righteous.</i><br />
<i>He is trustworthy.</i><br />
<i> </i> <br />
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<b>He is.</b><br />
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My friends, most mornings I wake up hating the fact that I'm awake while it's still dark. But when I get in my car, I am bombarded with the reality that my God has made the sunrise. He created it. He is the ultimate Painter, and he paints these pictures as a sign of His love for His creation. Yes, I know there is science behind the sunrise, but the God of the universe set it all into motion, and I am eternally grateful.<br />
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As I was talking with one of my customers, I told him how this was a difficult morning - I saw the beautiful sunrise, yet I wished I was still asleep. He then said with a smile, "You know, I think the sunrise is God's reward to people who rise early." And you know, I think he's right. God is good. Even when we don't see it. <br />
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Praise Him for His faithfulness. What a good, good God we serve.<br />
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<i><b>Lamentations 3:22-24</b></i> </div>
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<span class="text Lam-3-22" id="en-ESV-20377">The steadfast love of the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> never ceases;</span></div>
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<span class="text Lam-3-22" id="en-ESV-20377"> </span><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"></span><span class="text Lam-3-22">his mercies never come to an end;</span></span><span class="text Lam-3-23" id="en-ESV-20378"><sup class="versenum"> </sup></span></div>
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<span class="text Lam-3-23" id="en-ESV-20378"></span><span class="text Lam-3-23" id="en-ESV-20378"><sup class="versenum"> </sup>they are new every morning;</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Lam-3-23">great is your faithfulness. </span></span><span class="text Lam-3-24" id="en-ESV-20379"></span></div>
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<span class="text Lam-3-24" id="en-ESV-20379"></span></div>
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<span class="text Lam-3-24" id="en-ESV-20379"></span></div>
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<span class="text Lam-3-24" id="en-ESV-20379"><sup class="versenum"></sup>“The <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> is my portion,” says my soul,</span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Lam-3-24">“therefore I will hope in him.”</span></span> </div>
Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11369943790276795144noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3263854726392102311.post-30825392501318424622013-09-06T10:56:00.001-05:002013-09-06T11:04:01.037-05:00The Christian Bubble.<div style="text-align: center;">
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<i><b>Since when were we supposed to separate ourselves from non-believers and see them as "the enemy"?</b></i></div>
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This is a question that I've been really struggling with lately. In most of my life, I feel like I'm living in a little Christian bubble. I was raised in a Christian family, I attended a private Christian school 5-12th grade, and then I went to a Bible college. I'm grateful for the way I was raised, but I often find myself wondering... <i>How many non-Christians do I actually know? </i>If I'm being honest, it's not many. Is that the way things were supposed to be? Is that how Jesus was?<br />
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Absolutely not.<br />
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Jesus embraced the ones the religious leaders deemed "sinners." He spent his time with tax collectors (who were absolutely hated by society, by the way), prostitutes (Mary Magdelene), swindlers (Zaccheus), and many others. He was hated by the Pharisees for this very reason. They hated that he would go to their "level." They believed that he should see himself as better than those people and not interact with them.<br />
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How often in today's society have we seen ourselves become exactly like those religious leaders? I know I certainly have. I've viewed Mormons, Muslims, Atheists, etc. as the enemy. I realize that they oppose Christianity. I realize that they don't believe what I see to be the truth. I realize that they are lost.<br />
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But if we are supposed to separate ourselves from those who are lost, how will anyone ever be saved? Honestly. We're <i>not </i>supposed to just reach out to those who are asking questions or are curious about Christianity. We are called to reach those who are even completely against our faith.<br />
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<i>But... I want to be comfortable!</i><br />
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Well... Tough.<br />
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We were never supposed to be comfortable. We were never supposed to live an easy life where everyone agrees with us and we live in this cute little Christian bubble. We <i><b>are</b> </i>called to be a witness to the world. This isn't just for some people that we say have the "gift of evangelism." This is a command for <i><b>everyone</b>. </i>Every. Single. Christian. No one is excused from this, and no one is excused from loving their neighbor, even if they're *gasp* an Atheist! Or a Jehovah's Witness! ...Or anything else that you disagree with as a Christian.<br />
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We are also absolutely not called to reach out to only those who will accept us or who don't vehemently disagree with us. We <i><b>will</b> </i>have people in our lives who hate us. That's exactly what the Bible says - the world will hate us because of Christ. Those people in our minds that we are either scared by, we can't stand, or whatever else - <i>those are the people we need to love the most. </i>It <i><b>will</b> </i>make us uncomfortable.<i> </i>It <i><b>will</b> </i>test our patience, courage, and even faith. But even so, it is still what we are called to do.<br />
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Where would you rather be? Would you rather be comfortable but yet complacent and not growing? Or would you rather be challenged and growing radically in your faith? Personally, I would prefer the latter. <br />
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Please know that I speaking just as much to myself as I am to everyone else. I mean, I just got a job at a Christian coffee shop at a Christian seminary, for goodness sake! It's going to be more difficult for me to develop relationships with non-believers, but this is still what I'm called to do.<br />
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Regardless of whether we want to be or not, we <i><b>are</b> </i>witnesses for Jesus Christ. What kind of witness are we portraying if every single person we know and communicate with is a Christian? What kind of witness do we have if we refuse to listen to or even love those who disagree with us?<br />
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...What kind of witness will we have if we truly,<b> </b><i><b>truly</b> </i>love our neighbors? Not just those who live around us, but those we are in contact with on a daily basis - whether it be family, coworkers, or the cashier at the grocery store. We are to be a living witness. <i>And a living witness that accurately portrays Jesus to the world. </i><br />
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Judging and treating those who oppose Christianity as enemies will never accurately portray Jesus. <i><b>Only loving them will. </b></i><br />
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I recently posted this verse on a <a href="http://www.registeredrunaway.com/2013/09/04/these-hallowed-grounds-bethanys-story/">blog series</a> that I contributed to - and regardless of the situation, this verse absolutely applies.<br />
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<b>1 Corinthians 13:13</b></div>
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<i>And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. </i></div>
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<i>But the greatest of these is<b> love</b>.</i><b> </b></div>
Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11369943790276795144noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3263854726392102311.post-87603331663641960902013-08-28T16:12:00.000-05:002013-08-28T16:12:01.453-05:00Homosexuality: Humility and Love.The topic of homosexuality has come up a lot for me lately, and I've been challenged to rethink my beliefs and how I act on them.<br />
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Let me put this out there right away:</div>
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<i>I don't have all the answers...or maybe even any of the answers.</i></div>
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That being said, let me give a little history. Ever since I was in high school, I thought I knew exactly what I believed about homosexuality. When I was a sophomore, my best friend at the time came out to me. I was the first person he came out to, and it was an incredibly sensitive and difficult time for him. Unfortunately though, instead of supporting and caring for him, I gave him material on how <i>not </i>to be gay (cue the eyerolls and headshakes). When he stood in my doorway a couple weeks later telling me that he needed my support because he couldn't change, I simply told him I couldn't support him (please don't misunderstand my intentions, though. That was the hardest thing I've ever had to do). Since then, my relationship with him has been up and down, and at the moment is non-existent. </div>
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I cannot tell you how much I regret what I did during that time. I tried to love him. I thought I <i>was </i>loving him by telling him I couldn't support him. I had been there for him during a time when he almost committed suicide, and I thought this was my way of being there for him through his homosexuality.</div>
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I was so, so wrong. </div>
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When I was in high school, I believed that homosexuality was a changeable thing - that if the person prayed and trusted God, he would change their desires and make them heterosexual. Sigh. I'm angry at Past-Bethany for that, so all of you are free to be angry with her as well. However - since then, I've realized that things are not that simple, and they may not be what I originally thought.</div>
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I recently watched the movie, "Saved." That movie is incredibly difficult for me to see, because it shows me just how much the Church has failed. It brings out all the stereotypes and perceptions that culture has on us, and it makes me nauseated. One of the first things shown is a high school boy who confesses to his girlfriend that he thinks he's gay. After she unsuccessfully tries to make him straight (because it's what Jesus told her to do), his parents send him off to a place called "Mercy House" in order to "rehabilitate" him. </div>
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Ugh.</div>
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Also, this isn't just fiction. My friend from high school... His parents sent him to the Dominican Republic for 8 months in order to get the "gay" out of him (unsurprisingly, it didn't work). These things happen in reality, and it is so upsetting. Because of so many things I've experienced the last 7 years, I've realized one thing:</div>
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Homosexuality isn't changeable, and just because someone is gay or lesbian doesn't mean that they are disqualified from being saved. It doesn't mean they are automatically running away from God, and it doesn't mean that they are automatically living in sin simply because they're gay.</div>
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From my interpretation of Scripture, I personally don't agree with same-sex partnerships. However... Recently I have met many people (and read their blogs) who live it, but confess Christ as their Savior. What do I say, then? Do I tell them they're not really saved because they have a same-sex partnership? Do I tell them they shouldn't be going to my church? Do I tell them that I'm praying for them to see the "truth"?</div>
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Absolutely not.</div>
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I recently had a conversation with a friend, and when I told her I didn't know where I stood on the issue of homosexuality, she simply told me, "It's not an issue. They're people."</div>
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I have always, always said that as long as my fellow Christians and I confess Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, nothing else matters. I believe it is true with these things as well.</div>
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I don't know everything. I don't have all the answers. I'm not an expert on homosexuality. I don't know God's thoughts. I have my interpretation of Scripture, but there are <i>a lot </i>of areas of Scripture that are debated today. Homosexuality is just one of them.</div>
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People treat homosexuality as if it is the worst thing that Christians can talk about or have a different stance on in regards to the Bible. They treat it as if it's the worst sin a Christian can commit, and there's no way the LGBT community can enter into heaven. </div>
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But here's the thing: <i>there are no strings attached to salvation</i>. No, we don't have all the answers to what's right and what's wrong. I do believe that absolute truth exists, but I also know that I may not know all of what Truth is. I am extremely fallible, finite, and...well... human. I make mistakes all the time, and I have been proven wrong many times on many different things I have believed. This life is a journey - no one has all the answers. Some Christians believe same-sex partnerships are okay, and some believe it's not. Some gay Christians choose to live that way, and some choose to be chaste. </div>
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It's really, really easy to have an opinion on topics when we're really far removed from it. It wasn't until I was actually faced with my beliefs that I realized I may not have all the answers. It wasn't until I lost my best friend that I realized I wasn't nearly as loving as I should've been. I was trying to be loving, but ostracizing a person is never okay.</div>
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Whether I agree with the other person or not, here's what's important: <b>love. </b>I am called to love my neighbor. I am called to love <i>everyone</i>, regardless of gender, race, age, sexual orientation, etc. This doesn't mean that I forsake my beliefs, but there are so, so many better ways to communicate with others. I've talked to a couple gay friends recently, and the fact alone that I am willing to say I don't know everything made all the difference in the world. </div>
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Because the truth is, I <i>don't </i>know everything, and I <i>don't </i>have all the answers. No one does. We will never have all the answers until we are with Christ. Even then I'm unsure whether or not we'll have all the answers. So why do we act like we know everything now? We can have our beliefs - we can even be firm in those beliefs. But we absolutely need to have <b>humility and love. </b></div>
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I know I'm repeating myself here, but it is so, so important to remember those two things. I know I have a lot of work to do. I know that far too often I'm arrogant and unloving. But this is something I want to change. I want to do right by my neighbors. I want to be known for my love.</div>
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We are human, and we are imperfect. But I know that if we can just acknowledge that to ourselves, we will be in a far, far better place for open discussion and peace with one another than we ever have been.</div>
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And to my high school friend:</div>
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<i>I am so, so sorry for the way I treated you. I was blind, and I was arrogant. You needed to truly be loved and supported during that time, and I failed you. I was too focused on my legalism and left no room for reality. Friend, I don't have all the answers. As much as I think I know what I believe, I have no right to push you away or ostracize you. You are a person, and you are incredibly valuable. I miss you. I miss the friendship we used to have. I wish I could take back everything I said and did to you that was incredibly unloving. I hope one day you can forgive me for how awful I was, but I understand why you pulled away from me. I love you, Friend. As horrible as I have been at showing it, I love you - and that will never change.</i></div>
Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11369943790276795144noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3263854726392102311.post-1237161219188158202013-08-13T10:13:00.000-05:002013-08-13T10:13:43.598-05:00"You're too Young.""You're just a kid."<br />
<br />
"You'll understand when you're older."<br />
<br />
"You're too young to understand."<br />
<br />
...Those sound like things people would say to children, right? Well, yes. Unfortunately though, those are things I'm still told today. And I'm 24. And married. And a college graduate (<i>Not that those latter two things mean a whole lot, but I figure it should give me at least </i>some<i> credibility</i>).<br />
<br />
Most often I think I get these comments because I'm normally the youngest in social situations, and I have a hard time believing that I'm actually an adult. Most days I still feel like I'm 18 and just starting life on my own. However, that was actually 6 years ago. Why am I still told that I'm "too young?"<br />
<br />
I don't think this situation is unique to just me - I know many others who are told that they're too young and "nobody likes people in their early 20's" <i>(which that's just a super great thing to hear, by the way...)</i>. Why do people want to discredit us simply because we're young? It's always a wonderful thing when I'm actually complimented for my mind by someone older than me, but unfortunately it's incredibly rare.<br />
<br />
I feel like there's a verse about that somewhere....<br />
<br />
Oh yeah.<br />
<br />
1 Timothy 4:12.<br />
<br />
Just because I am young doesn't mean that I don't have solid thoughts, and it doesn't mean that those who are my age are just immature young adults. My peers are intelligent. They are verbose. They have credibility. I love talking to my peers and talking about life, God, social issues, and theology - I can do those things so much better with people in my generation, and I think that partly has to do with many people outside our generation judging us and thinking that we're just young and don't know anything. But we know better - we know that we have something to offer. We know that we are worth listening to. My conversations with my peers are almost always incredibly fruitful and productive - I can't say the same of most people who are older than me. Too often I feel looked down on, and that's not okay.<br />
<br />
I think it's time that we all see each other not through the lens of age difference, but rather we should realize that we are all in this journey together. No one has everything figured out, no matter what their age. We could all benefit from respecting and listening to one another.<br />
<br />
I know that I could benefit from listening a little more to those who are older than me, but I would personally really appreciate reciprocity. I don't <i>just </i>want to be taught - I want to be given opportunity to share my thoughts and ideas as well.<br />
<br />
I don't know if things will ever change, but I hope they will. I know that, especially now, there's a huge gap between generations. As time goes on though, I hope that gap will continually grow smaller and start to close. We were never supposed to be divided - we are called to be united, no matter what age, race, gender, etc.<br />
<br />
Let's start acting like the body of Christ that we are actually supposed to be.Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11369943790276795144noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3263854726392102311.post-65284779728520551062013-07-11T12:04:00.002-05:002013-07-11T12:04:49.784-05:00Sometimes I'm Too Sarcastic.<i>(For everyone waiting for my post on my definition of the word "submission," I'll be writing on that soon - I just think this is more important right now.)</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
We've all been there. We've all had days when something is said to us, about us, or even something that we just hear or read that makes us want to shout in anger and frustration.<br />
<br />
Ever since I've become more aware of social issues, I've definitely become more sensitive to comments and remarks on those things. <i>For example, I even got offended when I went to see Despicable Me 2. **spoiler...ish alert** Gru dresses up as a fairy princess for Agnes' birthday. A kid asks him why he's so fat, and he says that he eats too many desserts. There was also another part when someone is trying to set him up on a date, and the woman is shown to be ugly and "doesn't care about looks." ...I've tried not to dwell on those things.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Twitter has become my sounding board for a lot of these things. I so appreciate all my "Tweeps" (please kill me now for using that word), for their understanding and patience. We're all working through our beliefs and we all have our times of shouting at the things that we're angry about. We commiserate with one another, we encourage one another, and we even call each other out if we think someone has gone too far. I appreciate and love all these things about my Twitter community. <i>(Just a PSA - you might not want to follow me on Twitter if you don't want to read rants and discussions about the flaws in Christian Culture.)</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
It's nice to be in a community where I'm accepted for what I believe (even if I disagree with them), and there's a foundation of understanding that we're all on this journey together and we're all in process.<br />
<br />
But then here comes the kicker: I struggle with being gracious. I struggle with giving grace to the other side of the debate and realizing that they're people just like me. Whether I believe they are contributing to Modesty Culture, Rape Culture, Purity Culture, or any other kind of "culture" I'm against, the person on the other end of the argument is a human being trying to stand up for what he/she believes in.<br />
<br />
I'm not going to change everyone's minds. That's just reality. I could talk to some people for hours and hours and feel like I haven't made an ounce of progress, because they're just as solid on their beliefs as I am. This is where grace comes in.<br />
<br />
I don't think it's wrong to have discussions and debates with people we disagree with. It's <i>healthy and good. </i>We need those kinds of pushback in our lives in order to help us become more well-rounded and aware of what other people think. But something that I lack way too often is a dash of grace<i>.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Grace. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
It may be my middle name, but I often fail at grasping its meaning. Even though many of the criticisms I've received about what I believe haven't been personal attacks, I have received them that way and responded defensively. Thankfully I haven't called anyone names or insulted anyone's intelligence directly, but my vice is almost worse.<br />
<br />
<i>Sarcasm.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
I don't think sarcasm is inherently wrong. A good dose of sarcasm is fine, and even sometimes necessary in order to get one's point across. However, there are definitely times when I go too far. Even though I may not insult someone's intelligence directly, I do it indirectly. When that happens, I've lost all chances of a peaceful and civil discussion with that person. And that's not okay.<br />
<br />
I want my speech to be gracious. I want my words to be clear and gentle, yet at the same time I desperately desire for people to understand how passionate I am about social issues.<br />
<br />
I'm not going to be perfect. I'm going to fail. I'm going to be too sarcastic sometimes, and I've accepted that. I've accepted the fact that it will happen <i>(I'm not going to pretend to say it won't, because I know it will)</i>, and I'm fully prepared to apologize if/when I need to.<br />
<br />
So here's a request: Please be patient with me. When it comes to my issues with Christian Culture, I am extremely, extremely passionate. I can get hot-headed at times and extremely stubborn. For the most part though, if the other person is calm and respectful, I easily return the favor. I love, <i>love </i>discussion and debate. I really do. Please don't let my vices scare you away from challenging me. But if/when you do, please remember these things:<br />
<br />
<b>1. I am a human being.</b><br />
<br />
I'm not just another "blogger" on the internet who wants to cause trouble. I'm not just "another feminist" or "another troublemaker." I'm a human being, and I have reasons for believing what I do.<br />
<br />
<b>2. I am an adult.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
I may be 24 and therefore younger than most people I'm debating with, but I deserve to be treated like the adult that I am. My beliefs do not come from ignorance, they do not come from naivete, and they do not come from a desire to rebel. My beliefs have come from years of being immersed in Christian Culture and now seeing the flaws in it. Please don't assume that I haven't read Scripture, that I don't know what I'm talking about, or that I'm "just a kid," because none of those things are true.<br />
<br />
<b>3. I'm not evil.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
I care about social issues. I may disagree with you, but that doesn't mean I'm evil or that I think you're evil. It just means we disagree on things. There are <i>so </i>many people that I really respect who I disagree with theologically - this is because my theology isn't what matters most. My relationship with <i>you </i>is what matters more. If we get into a discussion/debate and can't get through to one another, it's okay. It doesn't (or shouldn't) change my acknowledgement of your personhood and right to be respected as a human being.<br />
<br />
This brings me to my final thought.<br />
<br />
<b><i>I'm sorry.</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b>
I'm sorry if I've alienated anyone, made it seem like I think I'm superior, made you feel like I think less of you for what you believe. None of those things are true. Yes, I may get fired up and really frustrated by some disagreements because of my beliefs on certain issues, but that's okay. I'm not angry AT you, I'm just angry about the issue.<br />
<br />
I know that we're all on this journey together. We're all in process. We're all trying to figure out what the heck is going on and what the heck Scripture means. If there's anything I've learned in my years of studying Scripture and talking to other people, it's that Scripture is interpreted in A LOT of different ways and people have A LOT of different beliefs. <i>And that's okay. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Why is it okay?<br />
<br />
It's okay because I know there are always going to be people I disagree with. There are always going to be people who have different perceptions and beliefs on what Scripture says. This doesn't mean the Holy Spirit isn't working on them. It doesn't mean that they haven't searched Scripture and come to God in prayer about the things they believe in. It doesn't mean that they haven't done research or aren't well-read on the topic. Whether they have or haven't done those things isn't any of my business <i>(except I'll certainly recommend some readings if the person hasn't read anything on the issue)</i>, nor is it my right to just assume they haven't.<br />
<br />
So here's the thing: If I agree with you theologically, great. If I don't, great. <i>As long as we believe in Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior and that only through his death and resurrection can we receive salvation, nothing else (really) matters. </i><br />
<br />
As long as I'm on this earth though, I'm still going to be passionate. I'm still going to be passionate in changing the flaws that I see in Christian Culture and in culture in general. I'm still going to be passionate about equality.<br />
<br />
I'm still going to be passionate about <i>learning. </i>I hope I never reach a day where I believe I "know all" and don't need to learn anything else <i>(if I do, please slap me immediately)</i>. I want to be constantly learning about other people's perspectives and beliefs. I want to be in discussion about those things in order to gain understanding and a more robust theology.<br />
<br />
As I do those things, I hope and pray that I will wield my sarcasm wisely and learn to be a little more gracious.<br />
<br />
Thank you all (Twitter friends and otherwise) for your discussions, your patience, your understanding, your commiseration, your challenges, and your grace. I'm so excited to keep going on this journey.Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11369943790276795144noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3263854726392102311.post-79677924735175505072013-06-29T10:18:00.001-05:002013-06-29T10:18:34.627-05:00Gender Roles: Leadership?<i>This is a follow-up to my post -- <a href="http://bethanypegors.blogspot.com/2013/06/gender-roles-in-marriage-are-they-right.html">Gender Roles in Marriage: Are They Right?</a>.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i><br /></i>
Yesterday I wrote on how I don't believe our cultures "gender roles" in marriage are (or should be) reality. Inside of this post I write a sidenote that said,<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: center;">Also, sidenote... I do have a desire for Eric to lead our marriage. However, this is a personal decision, not something that I believe should be prescriptive for all marriages. I like the idea of Eric being a leader (especially since he's such a humble, caring man), but I will never pressure him to lead, nor will I judge anyone who disagrees - this is just a personal thing that I like to see in my marriage.</i></blockquote>
I would like to explain this thought further. This desire that I have doesn't come from any "Biblical" basis, nor is it something that I feel should be normative for all marriages. I absolutely 100% believe that marriage should be an equal partnership and there should be mutual submission and respect between both parties.<br />
<br />
It was asked of me yesterday though why I have a desire for Eric to lead in our relationship. This is a good question, and something I hadn't really thought much about before, because in my mind it's always been that I'm an indecisive person and would rather defer my decisions to another person. Is this right or wrong? I'm not sure - and that's something that I'm going to continue thinking about.<br />
<br />
There's a possibility that I would rather defer decision-making to Eric because I'm insecure. Throughout my entire life this has been my struggle. I'm often not confident in my decision-making because I'm so afraid I'm going to make the wrong one. Is this always the case with Eric? No, it's not. There are many times when we make decisions together and I make it clear if I'm uncomfortable with a certain decision. But probably more often than not this is why I defer to him. I'm not saying that the reasons for my desire to defer to Eric are always the right ones or the wrong ones. But hear me on this - <i>I'm talking about big decisions that need to be made, not daily decisions or things that will only affect me and not him. I can easily make those decisions on my own - the decisions I'm talking about are financial in nature or regarding the "bigger picture."</i><br />
<br />
I also trust Eric - I trust him with my life. I know that he has the ability to be confident in his decisions, and I know that he will make decisions that will be the best for both of us. He is a far more confident person than I am, so until I can be more secure, I would rather defer to him. In saying that though, please also note that I do believe communication is absolutely necessary - I would never make a big decision without talking to him, and vice-versa. We strive for unity in our marriage, and you can't have unity if one person is making all the decisions without consulting the other person as well.<br />
<br />
As far as spiritual leadership is concerned, this is somewhere I know I disagree with many people. I don't believe that the husband is supposed to be the spiritual leader <i>at all times. </i>I believe to put that pressure on my husband is doing him a great disservice and not allowing him to <i>be </i>as a person. Let me explain.<br />
<br />
There are ebbs and flows to every believer's spiritual walk. Sometimes we walk through a time of incredible closeness to Christ, and our relationship with Him flourishes. However, there are other times when we remain stagnant or reach a "dry" period in our faith. I think every believer experiences this at one time or another, whether they are willing to admit it or not. If I were to put the pressure on Eric to be on a "spiritual high" at all times, I wouldn't be fair to him. If he is ever in a dry point in his relationship with Christ, I would much rather give him that time to breathe and figure things out than pressure him to "be better" or be in a different place. I would want him to do the same thing for me, and he has done that for me in the past.<br />
<br />
Marriage is a give-and-take relationship. There are ebbs and flows to marriage. There are ups and downs, and there is <i>a lot </i>of back-and-forth. It's unfair to pin all the responsibilities of leadership and different roles on one person, because we all have mountains and valleys in our lives. To give each other room to breathe - room to <i>be -</i> is a beautiful thing. Doing so implies an understanding toward one another that allows for unity and teamwork. I would much rather see Eric as my teammate who sometimes acts as a "captain" (sports references...) than this man who has power over me. Sometimes I will be called to act as the "captain" as well, and I am more than happy to do so.<br />
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I hope this explained a little more of what I believe and where I'm at. I know I don't have all the answers and I'm still figuring things out, but that's what life is all about, right? No one has it figured out - that's why we're on this journey. :) If anyone has any further questions, please let me know!Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11369943790276795144noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3263854726392102311.post-28535154446823523312013-06-28T11:14:00.000-05:002013-06-28T11:20:23.243-05:00Gender Roles in Marriage: Are They Right?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.churchleaders.com/files/article_images/10_30_Pastors_Beyond_Gender_Roles__What_About_Gender_Skills__901841442.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="http://www.churchleaders.com/files/article_images/10_30_Pastors_Beyond_Gender_Roles__What_About_Gender_Skills__901841442.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<i>When Eric and I got married, I felt an enormous amount of pressure from myself to be the type of wife that I thought I "should" be. I thought it was my responsibility to do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. while also working and being (at the time) a pastor's wife. I heaped all this pressure on myself because I was taught (from society) that this was what a "good" wife does. After all, I'm supposed to be the Proverbs 31 wife, right?</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Lately I've been thinking a lot about "Gender Rules" and whether or not those are actually true. So, here are a few points on why I'm not a fan of this whole idea:</i><br />
<br />
---------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;">1. I am not a "Proverbs 31 Wife."</span></b><br />
<br />
After a few months of trying to do <i>everything</i>, I (and Eric) realized it wasn't working out - and then I was honest.<br />
<i style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></i>
<i style="font-weight: bold;">I don't like cooking</i>.<br />
<br />
If you really like to cook, that's awesome. More power to you - but I've never had a passion for it. I'm not <i>good </i>at it. I don't <i>enjoy </i>it. Whenever I cook, I try to make the easiest thing possible that doesn't take a long time, because I really don't like being in the kitchen very much. Eric, on the other hand, really enjoys cooking and he's really good at it. So who am I to stand in the way of that, all in the name of "wifely duties?"<br />
<br />
I judged myself for a long time for not wanting to cook (and for refusing to clean the bathroom...gross), but Eric always encouraged me not to find my value as a wife in those things. I always thought of myself as a sucky wife because I let our apartment get a little messy and I don't always fold the laundry right away, but in spite of all of that Eric would look me in the eye and say, "You're a great wife." ...But why? Aren't I supposed to do all these things that I'm <i>not </i>doing? How could I still be a good wife?<br />
<br />
And then he told me.<br />
<br />
I respect him. I support him. I encourage him. I love him. I challenge him.<br />
<br />
And sure, I'm definitely not perfect, but <i>those </i>are the things he cares about - not whether dinner is ready by the time he gets home from work or not.<br />
<br />
<b><i>I am not - and never will be - a "Proverbs 31 wife."</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b>
Let's go through all the specific areas of Proverbs 31 in which I don't fit:<br />
<br />
- <i>I don't</i> "seek wool." (v.13)<br />
- <i>I don't</i> "bring food from afar." (v.14)<br />
- <i>I don't</i> get up before the sun. (v. 15)<br />
- <i>I don't</i> make breakfast for Eric, nor do we have servants. (v. 15)<br />
- <i>I don't </i>buy fields, nor do I have a garden. (v. 16)<br />
- <i>I don't</i> sell merchandise. (v. 18)<br />
- <i>I don't</i> sew. (v. 19)<br />
- <i>I don't</i> "clothe" Eric in red. (v. 21)<br />
- <i>I don't</i> wear "fine linens." (v. 22)<br />
- <i>I don't </i>sell clothes. (v. 24)<br />
<br />
Okay. So, you get the gist. According to this list, I really suck as a wife. However, I would venture to say there are deeper meanings to this passage beyond just a prescriptive list of things wives/women are "supposed" to do.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://rachelheldevans.com/">Rachel Held Evans</a> discusses this issue in her post, <a href="http://rachelheldevans.com/blog/mutuality-women-roles">Women of Valor: It's about character, not roles</a>. She says,<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"<b><i>The subject of a twenty-two-line poem found in the last chapter of the book of Proverbs, the 'wife of noble character' -- or, more properly translated, eshet chayil - "woman of valor -- is meant to be a tangible expression of the book's celebrated virtue of wisdom</i></b>. ...Like any good poem, the purpose of this one is to draw attention to the often-overlooked glory of the everyday.</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i style="font-weight: bold;">The author is essentially showing us what wisdom looks like in action. </i>The only instructive language it contains is direct toward men, with the admonition that a thankful husband honor his wife 'for all that her hands have done.' ...in the Jewish tradition, it is the men who memorize Proverbs 31, so they know how to honor their wives.</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
And yet many Christians interpret this passage prescriptively, as a command to women rather than an ode to women, with the home-based endeavors of the Proverbs 31 woman cast as the ideal lifestyle for all women of faith. ...<b><i>No longer presented as a song through which a man offers his wife praise, Proverbs 31 is presented as a task list through which a woman earns it.</i></b></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i style="font-weight: bold;">...It's not the domestic accomplishments of the Proverbs 31 Woman that matter, but rather her virtues of wisdom and valor.</i>"</blockquote>
<b><br /></b>
<b><br /></b>
<b><span style="font-size: large;">2. Eric and I do certain things because we're good at them - not because he's a man and I'm a woman.</span></b><br />
<b><br /></b>
This point isn't a very long one, but:<br />
<br />
Eric enjoys fixing computers. He enjoys working on technology. He enjoys fixing our cars. Does he enjoy those things or do those things simply because he's a man? I would venture to say <i style="font-weight: bold;">absolutely not</i>. I have full confidence that I could do any of those things (well, maybe not the car thing because I'm just hopeless with cars) and do them well. I really enjoy computers and I'm good with them. Most of the time if my computer has an issue with something I can figure it out without asking Eric. How can I do this? Because I understand computers. I get them. I can see the problem and figure it out almost all the time.<br />
<br />
Eric enjoys cooking, and he's much better at it than I am. Will I tell him not to cook just because <i>I'm the woman </i>and that's the way things <i>should </i>be?<br />
<br />
I'm better at cleaning than Eric (even though I don't enjoy it), not because I'm a woman, but simply because I'm more detail-oriented than he is. I am more prone to noticing dirt than he is, simply because that's who I am. I see the areas that he doesn't see. It has nothing to do with the idea that he's a man and therefore a slob, but everything to do with the fact that I see those details more readily than he does.<br />
<br />
Eric and I were created differently - we both have different talents, gifts, and personality traits. Just because I have a certain personality trait doesn't mean it's because I'm a woman, and vice-versa. Eric and I are on this journey together, and we are called to work cooperatively in accordance with our gifts and talents - it would be counter-productive for us to do something we're not good at simply because it's what we're "supposed" to do.<br />
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<b><br /></b>
<b><span style="font-size: large;">3. Submission...?</span></b><br />
<b><br /></b>
This is a point where I know I'll disagree with many people. In Christian culture today we hear (and read, unfortunately) all the time about how wives need to submit to their husbands. However, through studying Scripture and the context surrounding Ephesians 5:22-33, I can't help but notice that Paul commands <i>every </i>believer to submit to one another (15-21).<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not get drunk with wine, for the is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, <i style="font-weight: bold;">submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.</i>"<i style="font-weight: bold;"> </i></blockquote>
THEN he goes into talking about wives submitting to their husbands and husbands loving their wives. Here's how I interpret it, and an analogy (which is probably similar to what Paul was doing):<br />
<br />
Imagine you were a pastor. In evaluating your church, maybe you saw that there were specific issues that needed to be worked out. So in order to address those issues, first you talk about what the members of your church should all be doing for one another (submitting to one another, loving each other, etc.). Afterwards, you point out the specific problem areas in your church. For Paul, it was that the wives weren't submitting to their husbands, and the husbands weren't loving their wives.<br />
<br />
<b><i>Remember, everyone is called to love and submit to one another. </i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b>
It is entirely possible that the women had no problem loving their husbands, but instead had issues of submitting to them. Paul saw a specific issue with the Ephesian church, and thus he addressed it. I cannot interpret that passage without that cultural context nor the context of the rest of the chapter/book.<br />
<br />
Eric and I are really, really against this idea of "patriarchy" where whatever the husband says, goes. We see each other as equals and we make the decisions for our marriage together. Sure, I let him make most of the financial decision for us as long as I'm comfortable with them, but that's just because I hate dealing with money (and well...he works at a bank).<br />
<br />
Eric desires for me to share my thoughts and opinions on things in our marriage and in life in general. He wants to hear from me - he doesn't have this urge to lord power over me or to make decisions without talking to me about it first. This is true for me as well. I don't want to make decisions without discussing it with Eric, because our marriage is an <i>equal partnership</i>. It's a give-and-take. And we love it that way.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
[<i>Also, sidenote... I do have a desire for Eric to lead our marriage. However, this is a personal decision, not something that I believe should be prescriptive for all marriages. I like the idea of Eric being a leader (especially since he's such a humble, caring man), but I will never pressure him to lead, nor will I judge anyone who disagrees - this is just a personal thing that I like to see in my marriage.</i>]</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">4. We are <i>all </i>called to humble ourselves and love one another.</span></b><br />
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I think I will let Scripture speak for itself here:<br />
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"So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do not thing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." - <i>Philippians 2:1-4</i></blockquote>
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"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." - <i>John 13:34-35</i></blockquote>
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"Clothes yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for 'God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." - <i>1 Peter 5:5b</i></blockquote>
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"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us." - <i>1 John 4:7-12</i></blockquote>
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"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. it does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." - <i>1 Corinthians 13:1-7</i></blockquote>
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<b>Marriage does not exempt people from this. </b>When two people get married, they don't suddenly get a new list of "rules" they need to follow, nor a new set of "roles" to which they must adhere.<br />
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<b><i>We are called to treat one another with love, respect, kindness, humility, and selflessness -- regardless of whether we're a husband or a wife, a man or a woman.</i></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">*<i>I am planning on writing on the story of Hosea and Gomer soon (how it isn't supposed to be prescriptive for all marriages), and would love any resources any of you can send me on that topic!*</i></span></div>
Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11369943790276795144noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3263854726392102311.post-76775246385168903702013-06-21T09:54:00.001-05:002013-06-28T09:45:50.153-05:00Evolution of the Swimsuit - A Response.<i>For anyone who has not seen the video, "Evolution of the Swimsuit," you can watch it here:</i><br />
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<i>Most of you know by now that I am against the moralization of one-piece swimsuits. I am writing this response because a) a few people have asked me to, and b) because there are many, many things I disagree with this woman about.</i><br />
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First of all, Jessica Rey is the designer of a line of "modest" swimsuits available online, and this talk she gave was a promotion of that. In this review/response I will attempt to look at what she says in her speech and what her <a href="http://www.reyswimwear.com/">website</a> shows about her belief on modesty.<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">1. The Itsy-Bitsy-Teeny-Weeny-Yellow-Polka-Dot-Bikini</span></b><br />
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In this video, Rey discusses this song by Bobby Darin as part of her defense as to why women should be modest. Here are the lyrics:<br />
<span class="line line-s" id="line_1" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span></i></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_1" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">She was afraid to come out of the locker</span></i></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_2" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">she was as nervous as she could be</span></i></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_3" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">she was afraid to come out of the locker</span></i></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_4" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">she was afraid that somebody would see</span></i></span><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px;" /></span></i><span class="line line-s" id="line_5" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Two three four</span></i></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_6" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">tell the people what she wore</span></i></span><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px;" /></span></i><span class="line line-s" id="line_7" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">It was an Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini</span></i></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_8" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">that she wore for the first time today</span></i></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_9" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">an Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini</span></i></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_10" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">so in the locker she wanted to stay</span></i></span><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px;" /></span></i><span class="line line-s" id="line_11" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Two three four</span></i></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_12" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">stick around well tell you more</span></i></span><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px;" /></span></i><span class="line line-s" id="line_13" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">She was afraid to come out in the open</span></i></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_14" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">so a blanket around her she wore</span></i></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_15" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">she was afraid to come out in the open</span></i></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_16" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">and so she sat bundled up on the shore</span></i></span><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px;" /></span></i><span class="line line-s" id="line_17" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Two three four</span></i></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_18" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">tell the people what she wore</span></i></span><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px;" /></span></i><span class="line line-s" id="line_19" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">It was an Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini</span></i></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_21" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">that she wore for the first time today</span></i></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_22" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">an Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini</span></i></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_23" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">so in the blanket she wanted to stay</span></i></span><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px;" /></span></i><span class="line line-s" id="line_24" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Two three four</span></i></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_25" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">stick around well tell you more</span></i></span><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px;" /></span></i><span class="line line-s" id="line_26" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Now she's afraid to come out of the water</span></i></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_27" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">and i wonder what she's gunna do</span></i></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_28" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">now she's afraid to come out of the water</span></i></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_29" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">and the poor little girls turning blue</span></i></span><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px;" /></span></i><span class="line line-s" id="line_30" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Two three four</span></i></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_31" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">tell the people what she wore</span></i></span><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px;" /></span></i><span class="line line-s" id="line_32" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">It was an Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini</span></i></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_33" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">that she wore for the first time today</span></i></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_34" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">an Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini</span></i></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_35" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">so in the water she wanted to stay</span></i></span><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><br style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px;" /></span></i><span class="line line-s" id="line_36" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">From the locker to the blanket</span></i></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_37" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">from the blanket to the shore</span></i></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">from the shore to the water</span></i></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">yes there isn't anymore</span></i></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #888888; font-size: 9px;"><i>[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/itsy-bitsy-teenie-weenie-yellow-polka-dot-bikini-lyrics-bobby-darin.html ]</i></span></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">From these lyrics, Rey says that the reason that the woman was struggling to come out of the dressing room and the water was because she has an "inner-sense of modesty" and knows that she should be more covered up. However, I very much disagree with this assessment. </span></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Throughout the song, Darin talks about how this woman was "afraid." She was afraid to come out of the dressing room, afraid to come out of the towel, and afraid to come out of the water. She was afraid someone would see her. He then goes on to "tell the people what she wore." I can find no other interpretation for these these other than <b>she was afraid of judgment. </b>She was afraid what people would think, what they would say, and how shocked they would be by what she wore. I don't believe at all that it was an inner-sense of modesty that this woman had - if that were the case, she wouldn't have bought the bikini in the first place.</span></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">This is what I spoke to in my previous <a href="http://bethanypegors.blogspot.com/2013/06/the-bikini-question-my-response-take-2.html">post</a>. We are such a judgmental culture that women are afraid to step out in public wearing something that <i>might </i>be considered immodest and <i>might </i>cause men to stumble, and that is absolutely the wrong motivation to wear certain items of clothing. Women should be able to decide <i>for themselves </i>what they want to wear, what they are okay with wearing, and what kinds of fashions they enjoy. <i>(I have said this before, but I don't want to step on the toes of parents who disagree with me - whatever you teach your children is your business and your right. Children and teenagers need to follow the rules of their parents. I am strictly talking about adult women who are no longer under parental authority.)</i></span></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br /></i></span></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;">Wearing a bikini in the 50's and early 60's <i>was </i>groundbreaking. People absolutely would have judged that woman for wearing what she did, especially when we remember what life was <i>actually </i>like for women in the 50's.</span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><b><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></b></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><b><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></b></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><b><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></b></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><b><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></b></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">2. Life in the 50's</span></b></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><b><br /></b></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;">Rey points back to the 50's and talks about how it was a time when women were seen as "classy." She uses Audrey Hepburn as an example of what it means to be "modest" and fashionable at the same time. She goes through how women would wear long one-pieces and would change in their own "boxes" before venturing out onto the beach.</span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;">Going back to the time of the 50's as an idyllic time is astonishing to me. For the life of me, I cannot figure out why <i>that </i>time period is better than today. I know that many people say it was a simpler time and life was "good" back then, but here's the thing: <b><i>even though women were "modest," they still weren't respected as equals.</i></b></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;">Women had their "place" in the 50's, and it was just commonly known what a woman/wife was supposed to do and be. She was supposed to be a stay-at-home wife and mother, she was expected to clean the home, and she was supposed to have dinner ready on the table for her husband when he came home from his long day of work. </span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://www.history.com/topics/1950s">The History Channel</a> says,</span><br />
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<span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">"In fact, the booms of the 1950s had a particularly confining effect on many American women. Advice books and magazine articles (“Don’t Be Afraid to Marry Young,” “Cooking To Me Is Poetry,” “Femininity Begins At Home”) urged women to leave the workforce and embrace their roles as wives and mothers. The idea that a woman’s most important job was to bear and rear children was hardly a new one, but it began to generate a great deal of dissatisfaction among women who yearned for a more fulfilling life."</span></span></blockquote>
<span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;">...Does that sound like equality to you? Now, hear me out: I'm not saying that women <i>need </i>to work in order to be equal to men, but the encouragement of women to marry young, leave work, and only stay at home is a definite sign of inequality. Equality would mean encouraging women to do what they wanted - if they didn't want to get married young, great. If they wanted to work, great. If they wanted to be stay-at-home wives and mothers, great. </span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;">There is a reason for the feminist movement in the 60's. Women were dissatisfied with their lives and felt suppressed by society - they weren't allowed to do what they wanted, but rather were <i>expected </i>to stay at home. <b style="font-style: italic;">No matter how "modest" these women were, they were still treated unequally. </b>Here are just a few ads from that time period:</span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><br />
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Honestly. THAT was "modest" in a different time-period and culture in America. If we're not satisfied with what is acceptable in our culture now, then why not go all the way back to the 1700's and 1800's? That's the slippery slope you get into with that kind of thinking. It's illogical and unsound.</div>
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Fashion and what is acceptable is <i>completely </i>culture. As I have stated in previous posts, there are different cultures all over the world where different kinds of dress are <i>culturally acceptable and unacceptable. </i>Women cover up much more down in Haiti than on the beaches in Europe, and there are tribes in Africa where the women don't even wear tops. So what is culturally acceptable in the United States?<b> </b></div>
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Now, before we go to that place of listing out what is and isn't acceptable, remember this: There was <i>never </i>supposed to be a complete separation between Christianity and secular culture. The Pharisees separated themselves from the "sinners" by their legalism, and look where that landed them. Yes, we're supposed to be "in this world but not of it," but we are also called to be culturally relevant. How can we even remotely reach out to those who don't know Christ if we're constantly worried about how much fabric we or they are wearing? </div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">4. "It's about revealing our dignity."</span></b></div>
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Honestly, most of my responses to this video are... "What?" Jessica Rey's full quote is, "Modesty isn't about covering up our bodies because they're bad. Modesty isn't about hiding ourselves. It's about revealing our dignity."</div>
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I'm not going to give this quote much time, but...</div>
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Okay. To give Rey some credit, I'm glad that she said what modesty <i>shouldn't </i>be about (even though it really is), but here's my question. Where's my dignity hiding that it only comes out when I've got the right amount of fabric on my body? Does my dignity run away until I plaster 6 inches of fabric over my torso and then all of a sudden it shouts, "HEY I'M HERE." No. <b>I am a human being. And as such, I have dignity - no matter what I'm wearing. Case Closed.</b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">5. Have you SEEN the website? Who are these swimsuits made for, anyway?</span></b></div>
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Okay. I'm confused. I went onto the <a href="http://www.reyswimwear.com/">Rey Swimwear</a> website and looked around, and not only did I find that these are not one-pieces but tankinis, they also seem to be made for <b style="font-style: italic;">rich, thin, young women. </b>Granted, there are some swimsuits on sale for $29, but the average is $49 (plus shipping) and it goes upwards to $90 for the swimsuits that Rey talks about being inspired by Audrey Hepburn (which I'm assuming she promoted her so women would want to buy those styles - which is honestly just being a smart saleswoman). </div>
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First off, as <a href="https://twitter.com/diannaeanderson">Dianna Anderson</a> (a fellow Christian Feminist, and here is her <a href="http://diannaeanderson.net/">website</a>) pointed out via Twitter, tankinis are DANG hard to swim in - the tops are impossible to keep down when you're in the water, and that makes things just incredibly complicated and frustrating. </div>
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Secondly, the sizes for these swimsuits only go to 16. <i>There are no plus-size options. </i>So what happens then to the women who desire to be modest but only fit into plus-sizes? They aren't good enough to buy those swimsuits. </div>
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The point here is this: for all the talk that Jessica Rey does about how important modesty is for all women, she has a pretty narrow view of what women's body types are like and doesn't adjust accordingly so that <i>all </i>women who want to be modest <i>can </i>be. It's easy for her to think about being modest because she's tiny. However, many other women are not. <a href="https://twitter.com/abianne">Abi Bechtel</a> responds to this kind of attitude toward plus-sized women in her <a href="http://adiposerex.wordpress.com/2013/06/07/women-arent-cake-part-3-fat-modesty-and-eating-twinkies-naked/">blog post</a>, "Fat, Modesty, and Eating Twinkies Naked."</div>
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<span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;">I know that there are many other topics in the video that I didn't hit on - I didn't mention the Princeton study simply because I haven't done the research required to know exactly what that's about (even though I know there are too many variables in that study for me to consider it credible and I completely disagree with surveying only men in their early 20's). I also partly didn't go into <i>everything </i>because I'm a week out of major surgery and I'm <i>tired. </i>I only have so much energy to be angry about so many things (haha).</span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;">All of this being said though, I am very disappointed to see so many people loving this video. I think it appeals to all those who already agree with Modesty Culture so this is something they can point to in order to say, "Aha! See, SCIENCE!" Unfortunately though, actual critical thinking really hasn't been involved on this. </span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;">I am <i>desperate </i>for people to actually think critically about the things they see and hear. We so often read and watch things that we agree with and fail to interact with it on an intellectual level. Instead we like what we hear, so we automatically hit "share" on Facebook and Twitter. We refuse to actually have intelligent discussions on matters like these but instead stomp our feet and point the finger at those who disagree with us (I know it's true, because I unfortunately do it all the time). </span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;">Please, friends. <b><i>Please think critically about these things.</i></b> Please don't just look at your own side of the debate - interact and discuss with those you disagree with, and maybe we'll find understanding and stop judging one another.</span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;">I invite discussion on all my posts. I really do. I want people to tell me what they think (in an intelligent and respectful way) so that we can talk about it with each other. That's the only way this discussion/debate is going to get anywhere and the only way we are going to have peace even in our disagreements. </span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i><br /></i></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i>*For the record, I don't care what you decide to wear to the beach/pool. If you want to wear a one-piece, tankini, bikini, speedo, etc., I honestly don't care. Because the way I perceive it, the only thing that is culturally unacceptable in the United States is going nude. So whatever you decide to wear, wear it. <b>And wear it confidently. </b></i></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_38" style="border: 0px; display: block; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 5px; vertical-align: baseline;"><b><i>**Also, I've noticed some passive-aggressiveness towards me on my Facebook in regards to this topic. If there's anything that I hate, it's that. If you have something to say to me about what I believe and want to talk about it further, please tell me. Not everyone else on Facebook. If you want to comment on my posts, awesome. I'm completely open to that - I want to invite that as long as it is well-thought and respectful - and I look forward to discussing this issue.**</i></b></span><span style="border: 0px; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><br />
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*<i>**This post is part of a Synchro-blog/Link-Up on <a href="http://www.fromtwotoone.com/2013/06/modesty-synchroblog.html">From Two to One</a>. Make sure you check out the other amazing posts on there!***</i></div>
Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11369943790276795144noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3263854726392102311.post-45303266874552951612013-06-20T10:45:00.001-05:002013-06-20T10:45:45.814-05:00FINALLY Home From the Hospital!Hey, everyone!<br />
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For those of you who haven't seen my barrage of Facebook posts and Tweets, I'm finally home after a grueling last few days! Here's how it went down (I'll leave out the gory details):<br />
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I had surgery on Friday morning (the 14th). I checked in at 6 am, but I don't think my actual surgery started until about 10 am. I was scheduled to be in for 4 1/2 hours, but everything went so smoothly they were done in 2 1/2! That was such a huge praise, because even though I still had to deal with a lot of issues afterwards, I would've had to deal with even more issues the longer I was under anesthesia.<br />
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I started eating solid foods that evening (which was CRAZY), and even though a couple of my organs (my bladder, in particular) had some trouble waking up, I did really well for the most part while I was still at Mayo. They released me on the 16th because I was doing so well, but unfortunately things started going downhill from there.<br />
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We're not really sure what did it - it may have been the "trauma" from an hour and a half drive home, it may have been that I was released too early, it may have been that I ate solid foods too early... we're not really sure. When I got home I almost immediately started feeling nauseated, but I hoped it would go away. Unfortunately we weren't given any nausea medication, so there wasn't a whole lot we could do to stop it. Late Sunday night my nausea became so extreme that I started vomiting and had to be rushed to the ER. Let me tell you... For someone who has never had an experience in the ER like that before... It was scary. They pumped me full of meds and did X-Rays and CT-Scans right away.<br />
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They found out that what was left of my colon hadn't really woken up yet, so when I was eating food it wasn't going anywhere (thus it came back up). They were very strict about not letting me have anything to eat or drink on Monday, but on Tuesday morning they bumped me to clear liquids, then full liquids, and then on Wednesday morning they let me have solid food. Since I was able to keep everything down, they finally released me Wednesday afternoon! Since then, I've been doing really well.<br />
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Right now I'm actually not on any pain medications - my doctor at our local hospital told me that narcotics slow the system down which means I could end up having another episode like I had on Sunday night. As soon as he said that I decided it would be nothing but Tylenol for me! I haven't needed anything at all yet though, which is a huge praise. The main thing that gets to me now is the anxiety and the exhaustion.<br />
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All that being said, here are some things I could use some prayer for:<br />
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<b>1. Anxiety - </b>Ever since the surgery (and especially after Sunday night), I've had a lot of trouble sleeping due to anxiety. When I was at the hospital they gave me medications to help me sleep, but now that I'm home I really want to take as few meds as possible. I only slept about 2 hours last night and even though I know sleep will come eventually, I've never had to deal with anxiety like this before and it's really frustrating. Even when I feel calm my heart feels like it's racing, and I'm really wanting that to go away so I can relax and be able to sleep.<br />
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<b>2. Strength - </b>Getting home yesterday and showering for the first time in 6 days was <i>extremely </i>exhausting for me. Today I just feel dead on my feet. I'm in a good mood, but my muscles are so tired and don't really want to move. I know that this is all part of the process, but it's definitely frustrating especially when I'm dealing with not sleeping and my muscles not wanting to move.<br />
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<b>3. Patience - </b>Part of the reason I'm not taking medications is because I know I will get better faster the less time I lean on those things in order to feel better. I know there are many things I cannot do for a long time (ex: I'm not allowed to lift more than 5-10 pounds for at least 6 weeks), but I want to feel more able to do normal things like... walk. Haha :) So far I really do feel pretty good, but I still get very tired very quickly (I know I'm only 6 days out from surgery and I'm doing really well, but it's still frustrating).<br />
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<b>4. Moving - </b>Now that my surgery is out of the way, it's time for Eric and I to really focus on moving. I know I really won't be able to help with the actual process very much, but please pray for volunteers (or please volunteer if you can) to help us pack and clean when we need to do those things. Please also pray that Eric is hired out in CO soon so we don't have to worry about that anymore. I know he will be hired somewhere, but the waiting period is definitely stressful.<br />
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Thank you all SO much for your prayers, encouragement, and incredible support on this journey! We so appreciate it, and I feel so overwhelmed by all the flowers, cards, texts, messages, etc. that I've received. Eric and I are so blessed to know you all!<br />
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PS - We received the pathology report from my surgery yesterday and there was NO sign of cancer in my colon, which is a huge praise!<br />
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Please also let me know if you have any questions or want further explanations on anything - even though I'm not on meds I'm so tired that I'm sure I've left some things out. Thanks, friends! <3Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11369943790276795144noreply@blogger.com0